Ladies and gentlemen, as of Tuesday, December 29th, 2020 at 8:24 PM, the infamous terrorist organization of 4Chan known as The Sons Of Jefferson have ressurected in a devastating turn of events! The leader and co-founder of the agitator cell known as, "Stanley Jr.", is currently connected in a phone call with an African-American suicide hotline operator by the name of "Anita", whom is currently discussing and negotiating in regards to Stanley's alleged terror plot to murder several innocent civilians in Los Angeles, and then himself; all of which is deeply fueled by his hatred of his disloyal ex-girlfriend and former best friend Veronica, and his agony caused by his daughter Camomile, who went missing twice after a car crash earlier in the year. Stanley, (currently under the influence of acid), has locked his parents under the floorboards of his home, is currently loading a shotgun, and proclaimed that his intentions are to give Camomile his savings, neutralize Veronica with aformentioned firearm, and end his life in a suicide. He continues to compare himself to both Adolf Hitler and Julius Caesar, among other suicidal icons, with multiple confirmed statements being conveyed such as, and I quote, "You're not gonna be able to stop me, okay? This is like me confessing my final sins before I end it. I just need someone to talk to before I do. I'm not a pussy, I'm not a pussy, I'M NOT! I gotta do this.", "I raised her, that's why it's so upsetting she woke up in a nigger's house on Christmas day", "You know what anime is? It's like little anime girls, I have a folder of them, Veronica found it and she thought, 'this in inappropriate', she called me a pedophile and told all of my family on social media. Then she took Camomile and went to Tyrone's house.". The story behind what could very well be the hypothetical future is quite tragic and dark, and although the citizens of Los Angeles should remain under full-lockdown, fear not readers. We will continue to report on The Sons Of Jeffersons' latest escapades till the very end, so stay tuned for further information!