COMPLETE AND UTTER PHYSICAL AND EXISTENTIAL AGONY I ate the bar over the course of dinner so that it would kick in by the time I was finished. It kicked in faster than last time, I realized I may have gotten too much food, and put away the last quarter of dinner in the fridge. I brushed my teeth with some distraction and then things proceeded well as in the image in the post above. Then, around 8:30, I decided to watch some Cyriak videos because their bizarreness would be nicely colored my then current state of mind. I only managed to watch a couple before I began having stomach pains. They were minor at first, simply annoying. I've dealt with this often as I have stomach problems. I don't know if it was what I had eaten for both lunch and dinner, the shrooms in the chocolate, the chocolate itself, or a combination of some or all of these things. The pain escalated. It got worse and worse and worse and worse and worse. I'd probably rate it around a 7/10 on the pain scale at its worst. This is the second time I've experienced this much pain in my life. Enough on its own to make me delirious. That, combined with hallucinogenic effects was a recipe for a living nightmare. As the pain reached moderate levels, I turned off the TV and gave up on watching anything colorful. I was severely irritated that I could not enjoy how reality was increasingly warping or the cool hallucinations I was having unrelated to what I was looking at. Then the pain began reaching severe levels. The order of events becomes a bit foggy from here on. I lay on my bed, shorts and underwear half down in some vain attempt to relieve any external pressure on my lower stomach, tossing and turning and writhing in agony. I pleaded with various various deities I didn't believe in and begged for the pain the stop and desperately tried to rationalize a cause and effect to prevent this from happening again. These are all thoughts I had last time I experienced pain strong enough to make me delirious though. As the effects of the candy bar grew stronger and stronger, I had several other new conscious thoughts that later became unconscious inactions through an unconscious force of will. >Do not cause real physical harm to yourself, you will regret it later >Do not bite yourself hard enough to draw blood, you will regret it later >Do not stab yourself, you will regret it later >Do not leave your room to get help, you will regret it later >Do not try to go to the hospital, it won't help, you'll just have a huge bill, you will regret it later >Do not kill yourself >Do not kill anyone else, you will regret it later I would bite things, pillows, blankets, my mattress topper, my arm, my hand, my finger, and scream quietly through the pain. I would hit my head on then bed frame, punch the bed frame, intensely open and close my hands, grip the end table by my bed, grip the closed knife by my bed, and more to try and cope with the pain. At some point I dropped the close knife behind my bed. The hallucinations and pain delirium began to fuse together into the most unholy experience I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. I began to be unable to tell what was real and was a hallucination. I would go back and forth between knowing I'm in my room in agony, to thinking I was somewhere else, in agony. Sometimes I was alone, sometimes there were people I knew. I began to forget who I was, why I was, what reality is. I began to think that existence was pain, that I was always in pain, that I was never not in pain, that I had been existing in pain for eternity and will continue to exist in pain for eternity. Soon my thoughts themselves became totally incoherent. My inner voice was spouting random words in random order. I ceased to truly think or comprehend anything happening, except pain. PAIN. PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN Beneath this conscious experience was an unconscious force of will preventing me from taking any action in my agonized state that might have severe negative consequences in the long term. That list of thoughts that I could no longer consciously comprehend drove me to inaction for my own good. Twice during the height of this hellscape I would just barely come back to reality and have some conscious thought. First, I gained enough presence of mind to get up and press the power button on my computer so that if I were incapacitated or dead, nobody would see what was on it. Later, I noticed my monitors were still on on the lock screen at midnight sharp. I was severely irritated by their light, but could not physically bring myself to get up and turn them off for what felt like ages. 12:00 to 12:01 felt like it lasted for several minutes. 12:01 to 12:05 passed somewhat faster, and it was then I was finally able to get up and turn the damn screens off. Then I returned to the nightmare. I came back to reality a third time, vomited in my trash bin several times, placed it back on the floor, and then finally, finally, blacked out. The worst was finally over. When I woke up, it was about 2:40AM. I threw away the vomit, washed the bin, and went to real sleep. I had a fairly interesting and pleasant dream about a videogame that didn't exist. Woke up around 6:30, back to sleep, woke up around 8. Showered, had several regular small shits, one almost diahreaa shit, still felt and am now still feeling minor stomach pains. The pretty colors, the hallucinations, the good vibes, the melting reality, my delicious lunch and dinner, none of it was worth this. Never again.

>>10 After taking a day and half to recover from the worst thing I have ever experienced, I have decided not to forsake shrooms. There were several factors contributing to my stomach pains which I can minimize in the future, I still have a whole other 7g, 15 square bar I had already purchased, and going forward I plan to buy the pills rather than the sugary chocolate despite it being more expensive. I'll probably give it a go again this weekend with 7 squares.

Last night I waited until a little while after dinner to take the chocolate and made sure to eat light and nothing that would much bother my stomach. I took 5 1/2 squares, which is about 2.56g assuming even distribution. I noticed my stomach feeling funky and decided to cut myself off there instead of at 7 squares, realizing I had made a mistake. I experienced the usual effects and had a pretty good time for a little while, but eventually stomach pains came upon me again. I went to the bathroom, had mild diahreaa with severe stomach cramps, probably a 5 or a 6 on the pain scale. I bit my shirt to deal with the pain. I stripped naked and crawled into the tub so I could lie down without getting my clothes wet or potentially shitting everywhere. I got out of the tub and had diahreaa again. I picked my shirt back up, wadded it, and bit into it so I wouldn't grind my teeth. The pain gradually subsided, but I found myself unable to stop biting my shirt until after I had finished cleaning myself up. I still had very mild pain now and then, and some belching, but I was no longer really suffering. I was however exhausted from the experience. I lay down in bed, listened to some soothing music to keep myself in a good mood, and embraced the enhanced visual imagination I was experiencing when I closed my eyes. It wasn't quite a solid hallucination, and it really felt like a waking dream. I mostly tried to will into existence various erotic things, but often it would be colored by visions of shows I've been watching and games I've been playing. There was that feeling again like I forgot where I was and who I was, and that I wasn't alone, but it was pleasant and comfortable now that I was no longer in pain. I spent a couple hours like this before taking off my headphones and going to sleep. This experience was just barely worth it. Next time, I'm trying chocolate and sugar free pills. If those don't cause me to be ill, then I'll take those from now on, and just have a single square of my remaining chocolate with each trip so it's neither wasted, nor used in large enough quantities to cause me pain.

Tried a pill today. No chocolate, no sugar, no heavy meal beforehand, waited an hour after breakfast. Still felt nausea and a couple minor cramps. I really want to watch the world melt and have vivid hallucinations, but it seems my stomach just can't handle it. This time, it was a 1.2g pill with nootropics. Type of shroom is a blend, so I have no idea what specifically is in it. It kicked in after about 45 minutes. I felt nauseous, shaky, and very tired. Cold too, but that may have been that it was actually cold. I crawled into bed and thought I might take a nap and hopefully not experience any real negative effects. Put on some chill music, and eventually was almost positive I was no longer going to feel cramps, even if I still felt a little queasy. There was the usual melty wobbly effect to world, but fairly minor. I did notice a vibrancy to colors like usual as well, and afterimages when I waved my hands. I didn't experience any real visual hallucinations though, nor was I expecting to at that dosage. However I did have a highly enhanced imagination when I closed my eyes. Visual thoughts were more vibrant and clear, like a waking dream. Sometimes I wasn't even sure if I was awake until I opened my eyes. So, not feeling well enough to even sit up, but feeling comfy, I thought sexy thoughts and was able to slip into some pleasant delusions of fucking various non-existent things while I humped the air. In fact, I did experience a tactile hallucination during this self inflicted delusion. I thought there was thick precum seeping though my shorts which I was stopping from getting on the bed with my hand, only to later realize my shorts and hand were totally dry. Once the height of this wore off, I laid comfortably a while, then went through a similar delusionary state a couple more times, until I felt fairly sure I was not capable of it anymore. During the non-delusionary states, I felt a dissociation from myself, a third person perspective on events as if I wasn't me. I relaxed in bed a while, got up, ate lunch, got the munchies and kept eating some snacks for the duration of the show I was watching, and now I'm fairly sure the effects are entirely gone. My stomach is still somewhat uncomfortable, but as I experienced no vomiting or diahreaa this time and had a fairly pleasant experience overall, I'm going to try to raise the dosage next weekend to 1.8g and see if I can handle it.

Had to skip last week. Gonna try again this weekend, with a slightly higher dosage. Last time's sweet delusions are making me consider buying an onahole. I don't masturbate, but with this, I might actually be able to enjoy it. Especially if I can up the dosage enough to experience actual hallucinations.

Here we go.

It's been an hour and a half. I took a pill like before and a single square of chocolate. Slightly higher dose than last time. I barely feel anything, barely experiencing any visual effects. It's been two weeks since last, so it's unlikely I've developed a tolerance. Normally this stuff kicks in at 45 minutes at the latest and then lasts a few hours. I'm getting real annoyed at the damned unpredictability of the strength of what I'm taking. I thought pills would be a more certain dosage. At least my stomach is hardly bothered.

>>22 Mild nausea and stomach cramps. But visual effects finally started ramping up.

>>23 Fairly lucid the whole time. No weird emotional changes like euphoria or anything, which is unusual. I can see cool fractals in things with repeating patterns, but strangely, the ceiling doesn't want to turn very melty this time. Lots of enhanced imagination when I close my eyes. Like a light lucid dream again. Only this time, after a while, I can't seem to keep coherence in it to see what I want, and instead end up in weird adventures. It's kind of like what I'd imagine tripping would be, but it's only there when I close my eyes, and it takes mental effort. The visions get exhausting, and I want to rest, but I'm already resting, and I have to open my eyes to rest. The effects are still going, but I've grown tired of them and am just going to ignore them and continue about my daily routine now. Next time I'll try 1.5 pills, since I experienced even less stomach pains than last time, in spite of the fact that my stomach wasn't in the best condition when I started.

>>24 Okay, there's some very very light euphoria. My mood is normal unprovoked, but I do find funny things more amusing.

I have just discovered that the waiting period to prevent a build up of psilocybin tolerance is actually 2 weeks, not one. It's going to take a very long time to slowly raise my dosage. Every two weeks I'll follow this pattern from here on >1.5 pills = 1.8g >1.5 pills + 1 chocolate square ≈ 2.26g >2 pills = 2.4g >2 pills + 1 chocolate square ≈ 2.86g >2.5 pills = 3g >2.5 pills + 1 chocolate square ≈ 3.46g >3 pills = 3.6g >3 pills + 1 chocolate square ≈ 4.06g >3.5 pills = 4.2g >3.5 pills + 1 chocolate square ≈ 4.66g >4 pills = 4.8g >4 pills + 1 chocolate square ≈ 5.26g >4.5 pills = 5.4g >4.5 pills + 1 chocolate square ≈ 5.86g >5 pills = 6g >5 pills + 1 chocolate square ≈ 6.46g It will take me 8 months to get through my remaining 8 squares of chocolate, after which I plan on never taking chocolate shrooms again. My horrible experience was with about a whole half bar of chocolate. My goal is 7.2g with 6 pills without experiencing horrible pain. That should be enough to experience vivid hallucinations, the whole world to melt, and to have a near complete dissociation with reality.

Conditions are unideal. Stomach issues for the last 3 days. Gas out of both ends and occasional minor cramps. However, I do not have the patience to skip a week under a schedule already this spaced out. Taking 1.5 pills, 1.8g, now.

>>32 God these pills taste like ass. At least they're smaller than my stomach meds.

Mildly queasy. Stomach making weird noises.

Cold and shaky and still a bit nauseas. The world is wobbly and has chromatic aberration. Sometimes it seems to spin, though I don't feel off balance. Even the things on the screen are wildly distorted. Which is strange. Normally anything on a screen without repeating patterns maintains complete coherency. Experiencing enhanced imagination and some euphoria clouding my thoughts.

I can see the colors gogin beyond the borders.

very excitable can't stop foot tapping.

The thick of it has passed, though I'm still seeing fractals anywhere with repeating patterns, and there's still some chromatic aberration. Though there was mild nausea, I didn't have any cramps, which is great. In almost total silence, underneath the sound of light rain, and the ringing in my ears, I thought I could hear something far away. I couldn't tell if it was some sort of auditory hallucination or not. I began to think I could hear what nothingness sounded like, a very quiet distant hum. I can still hear it now if I listen. It scares me, like some slumbering beast god I shouldn't disturb by trying to listen closer. My nausea faded, though I had occasional belching. I got pretty sleepy mid way through, but determined not to waste my morning, I managed stay conscious in spite of being in that grey waking dream state whenever I closed my eyes. This was a good trip, and I feel optimistic about the next one.

I experienced no visible hallucinations, but again, had the tactile hallucination of thick goopy precum seeping through my shorts and on my hand every time I tried to touch my dick over my shorts.

Also, comparing this 1.8g of pills to the time I took 1.86g of the chocolate, this experience had far less of an effect on my stomach. Either my stomach is learning to handle this over repeated usage and my gradually increasing dosage plan is working, or the lack of chocolate and sugar makes a significant difference, or both. The trip was also much more effective, but back then I was taking some once a weekend instead of two weeks, so I was also building tolerance to psilocybin, so the spaced out dosages seem to be working as well. Next comparative milestone will be in a month, when I take 2 pills for 2.4g nearly equivalent to my bad experience with 2.56g of chocolate, then a month later for 3 pills = 3.6 grams to compare to my hell trip with 3.73g of chocolate. If I can reach that threshold again safely, I think I can finally see actual open eye visual hallucinations. I don't have much optimism on going farther, but maybe if I'm lucky I can reach whatever amount is needed for complete dissociation with reality and go on a real trip.