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Night of the Were-Ed Thread 2022: Scams into Screams edition Were-Ednon 10/27/2022 (Thu) 01:07:27 No. 30046
Here we are again, my fellow Jawbreaker enthusiasts. The last few days of October. Another 365 days have passed since last the sordid tale of Cul-de-sac occultism has been told, and so the curse advances once more, bringing us again to the NIGHT OF THE WERE-ED Or five nights rather (Five Nights at Eddy's, if you will), from now until Halloween, we will spin this sordid tale of friendship, romance, and plots that go right off the rails and manage to rip off Underworld while they're at it. Without further ado, let us begin.
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>>30046 As always, we begin our tale with the first of the trilogy. The eponymous Night of the Were-Ed The start of the trilogy from Nintendo_Nut1 starts rather conventionally, with the boys preparing their latest scam all the while looking like a mixture of their usual selves and a "How to Draw Anime" book from a Scholastic book fair The only thing we learn from these few pages is that Ed, the lovable lummox, has been bitten by an animal, something that has brought him no end of pain, body hair, and mysteriously a pull towards to moon.
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>>30047 You know, in all the years I've storytimed this trilogy, it never struck me how the premise of the original comic could actually work as an episode of the show. Ed gets bitten by an animal, Double D clears him for rabies, but Ed accidentally finds a VHS tape of a werewolf movie that convinces him he's turning into one, of course this scenario would end with Eddy throwing shag rugs over him and exhibiting him on the next full moon for quarters while this story takes a decidedly more... supernatural turn. I'll also never not find it funny how Ed always targets Sarah when he turns wolf, it's like his subconscious mind egging him on to eviscerate the little snatch for all the shit she gives him and his friends. Also, Jesus, Double D looks like a fucking turtle when he turns his head sideways, thankfully the art improves as the series goes on
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>>30048 It's also another thing I've noticed but never really thought anything of, but the author gave Ed hair just to have another identifier for when he becomes the WERE-ED I don't know why Eddy is now Goku with that fucking hair, but still. Something interesting to think about.
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>>30050 Kevin would make a very good witch hunter/inquisitor with how quick he suggests purging the mutants. Maybe Plank can train him since he seems to have some secret tie with fighting the Supernatural (as in monsters and stuff, not the long in the tooth TV drama about monster hunters that caused Tumblr to decide gay incest is kawaii)
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In the next exhibit of "noticing things on second readthrough", Double D actually does have hair under his hat. Also he's perfectly willing to gamble the safety of his friends and neighbors on a complete hunch.
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"Primal urges must be met" is an unfortunate line to have with two male characters in the same panel. Also, Rolf gets hit with the Worf effect nearly as hard as in canon and for the same reasons (comedy/the plot demands it)
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I just now realized Rolf says what Double D already said a few pages earlier nearly verbatim. And by that same token, if controlling the werewolf form comes down to willpower, why would Double D, the cowardly, hypochondriac wet blanket of the Eds have more willpower than the stupid bravery of Monobrow Ed? Actually, I think Big Picture Show answered that question, Double D's force of will is putting up with Ed the moron and (((Eddy))) the miser.
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Take a good look, everyone, this is the last time Nazz has a major, multi-line speaking roll. Which is actually in character for her since she never really served a purpose in canon either, and the only really interesting things are that she had three voice actresses and her last name is apparently von Bartonschmeer according to some sources.
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>>30055 I know I've made plenty of jokes in the past about how gay these last two panels look, but that might just be because I don't trust deviantart to not make something gay if they can help it. But Nintendo_Nut is thankfully not Rebecca Sugar, and so I can say these panels represent 100% heterosexual bromance (Double D gets some tail in the next comic anyway) Sorry if this entry was a little lackluster, work kicked my ass and I think I've made all the jokes I could about this first comic in the last three years I've done it (Once on old 8chan, twice here on 8moe, Christ, time flies.) I'll probably be back to my old self in time for Night of the Were-Ed: Solar Eclipse
Thought it was Cliff for a moment there...
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>>30056 >>30064 Nah, the first one is always the shortest, I don't break them up until this one. The second installment, where the Ed's encounters with the supernatural only grow and the forces of darkness enlist old foes to claim the lives and essence of our intrepid trio. As our story begins, the Eds are sitting around for unknown reasons listening to radio broadcasts announcing epidemics (I'm surprised I made it through two years of the Chink flu without making a joke about that) and a coming SOLAR ECLIPSE that's heading for Peach Creek. While Ed and Double D can only ruminate on their past experiences, Eddy points out that the amorous archrivals of the Ed boys, the Kanker sisters, have not been seen in weeks. Double D rightfully dismisses this, having no time to waste on trailer park hoes when he could be #Nightwalk-ing around with his best friend in a totally platonic way.
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>>30076 Double D waxes poetically about the moon and gives us a lore dump for those who missed the original. Apparently, four years have passed since then, and Double D still feels the calling of the Old Blood wolf within. Meanwhile, a familiar crop of blue hair watches sockhead from the shadows, her body extremely sweaty. I imagine she smell of cheap bootleg perfume, sweat, and pussy juice, I'm surprised Double D got caught off guard with his wolf nose
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>>30079 Marie Kanker makes her attack, intent on sucking Double D dry (So not much different from usual, except this time it's wholly non-sexual... okay maybe it's still a little sexual) I also just realized, what spooked Marie to cause her to knock Double D out? I know it's supposed to be him saying her name (her true name, if you will), but from the composition in the panels it looks like Sockhead got a boner and that's what spooked her. Needless to say, Marie ends the night without giving DD any sort of suck, but she does head over to Rolf's house to suck some cock I'm ashamed I haven't made this joke earlier
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Rolf and the other kids hold council over the fallen Gustad, with them finally surmising that this must be the work of Vampires. Surprisingly, it's Eddy, not plank this time that gives them the deets on why some blood sucking freak would come to Peach Creek. We also see the other Kankers, whick makes me realize after two decades that in the show the Kankers have their eyes covered to increasing degrees. May has her eyes uncovered, Marie has peekabangs coving one eye, and Lee has both eyes covered (Of course, you couldn't tell from this comic, but still, some E, E, n' E trivia.
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>>30082 Ed and Double D look up information on Vampires and Werewolves over on Sci-Ficlopedia (Which proves both are viable sci-fi races, why else would the Blood Angels and Space Wolves exist?), but Double D also discovers something shocking, Vampires don't simply hate werewolves, they hunt them for sport. Later with the other kids, who despite having fought an Alpha Werewolf four years prior, are all shivering like bitches. Double D begins to explain what's happening with the Wampyres.
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Double D explains that the Solar Eclipse will force transformations in him and Ed, causing the Vampires to emerge intent on sampling that grade a werewolf blood, especially delectable during a solar eclipse. Fortunately, the Eds have a plan to weaponize the wolf within Lumpy and Sockhead, while Double D contacts an old foe to "test a theory"
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>>30084 Marie and Double D exposit back and forth explaining how each of them became the monster they are today, with Marie and her sisters being taken in by a mysterious stranger with an odd 「CHARISMA」and Double D contracting Lycan rabies from Ed's spergout against his little sister.
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>>30085 While on Sci-Ficlopedia, Double D discovered something that gave him an idea, a file called "Underworld(2003)fullmovie720pnoviruses.mp4.exe" that gave him the idea to mix the blood of a werewolf and a vampire to gain power beyond the bounds of the two on their own. With this in mind, he invites Marie to pop his blood cherry, which she does in the most hilarious panel of the series (in my opinion) I'm gonna call a cliffhanger here tonight, sorry for posting so late. Gonna finish up Solar Eclipse tomorrow and then it's on to the real meat and potatoes of this wild ride.
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>>30086 Double D goes through with the copyright infringing plan, and evolves into the great and terrible new form of Double Dracula Were-eD D, or Quadruple D for short. At the same time, the kids of the cul-de-sac slowly whittle Plank into a weapon of death, probably the most metal thing to happen in an Ed, Edd, n' Eddy fanwork without it coming off as edgy wank like that one Mighty B! autist who created an entire self-insert AU with girl scouts fighting in World War Three.
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>>30106 As was stated, Ed has transformed into his WERE-ED! form, but with a greater amount of control (As evidenced by the fact he isn't trying to rip his sister's throat out like last time) The Kankers are also here, Vamp'd out and ready to suck some di- some blood, suck some blood. Though there is some obvious innuendo in Lee Kanker daring Eddy to poke her with his wood wink wink, nudge nudge
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...Which actually doesn't happen until the next page, fuck. Though Eddy's face does remind me of Shinji Ikari in that panel, also some titty outline in probably the only fan service in NotW-E The vampire who turned the Kankers is revealed as some generic edgelord, male Marceline. Also, I just realized Jimmy is wearing a bike helmet. What a fucking pussy, even Johnny 2x4 is out there just with a garlic wreath and his Soap MacTavish-esque mohawk.
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Double D exposits some more, filling the kids in on what should already be obvious. The head vampire attacks and the battle reaches maximum ANIME (seriously, half the faces May Kanker makes looks like she should be in a Hellsing omake) I also should mention the onomatopoeia, which looks direct from the 60's Batman show but that kind of camp just adds to the charm
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Continuing the ANIME battle, Eddy pierces the edgelord through in a manner akin to a fucking Raikiri The Zabuza arc was the only good part of Naruto which them causes him to melt into black hair dye as he returns to Hot Topic the netherrealm. But the battle has taken it's toll on Double D, dropping him to the ground for the last time. Rest in peace, Edward Marion Somethingorother.
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Nahhhhh, it was all a big joke, they're burying Rolf's chicken. The cul-de-sac returns to normal and the Kankers go back to sexually harassing the Eds as they are want to do (After all, they're probably the first example of western yandere most kids of the late-90's and early 2000's generation would know about) Double D, however, decides that taking moonlit walks with Ed was mega gay all along, and makes and effort to finally cash in his v-card by inviting the now un-vamped Marie.
>>30120 This was all a dream sequence or some shit? Fuckin gay.
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>>30120 And so the second story of three ends under the light of the moon, as Double D fucks a trailer park princess in a filthy junkyard. I mean, I would. I'm not ashamed to admit I felt some weird things for the Kankers as a kid, probably the same reason I got into loving bully type girls in anime... and monster girls since they mostly fit that type But with that self reflection out of the way, we can move on to the finale, we've made it through the night of the were-ed, survived the solar eclipse, now we come to All Hallow's Eve Also, some random Kanker fanart I found while looking for the comic again on DA, since I lost the flash drive I kept it on. >>30123 Nah, it was real, and it's gonna get more real pretty quick here.
>>30124 Ok, but which Kanker would you lead to the junkyard?
>>30127 Your mother.
>>30128 You made the wrong choice, my mother is likely to brandish a knife at you.
>>30129 You are just making me more erect. She sounds like a keeper.
>>30130 I have not told you about the most damning quality she has- she is a negress.
>>30131 Yeah and that should be a problem, what with me being a white nationalist and a member of my local kkk chapter. But when it comes to yo momma anon. I got jungle fever.
>>30133 Please do not attempt to race mix with my mother, I do not need any siblings.
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>>30124 Alright, ladies and gentlemen, hellhounds and hobgoblins, yokai and yith spawn. It is time once again for the finale of this trio of tales, the coup de grace of these harrowing Mis-Edventures (not a bad video game, btw, it ain't winning any awards but its a passable licensed game) Now come, let us journey together with the Ed boys and the time draws closer to ALL HALLOW'S EVE >>30127 >but which Kanker would you lead to the junkyard? Lee, I like redheads and girls with hair over their eyes, it's why Shermie is my favorite KoF girl and probably favorite fighting game girl overall.
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I realize I forgot to comment the last few panels, but basically, Sockhead is That Guy who nitpicks movies and thinks he's the second coming of Roger Ebert, he exposits the origin of Halloween and then lets us know that the events of Solar Eclipse only happened a few months ago He goes on to wax poetically about being a werewolf, as usual, but with a curious closeup on some ravens (hint hint). But luckily, the Eds are throwing a killer Halloween party with all the cul-de-sac kids (granted by this point all these kids are basically PCs for Hunter: the Reckoning, so it makes sense they would stick close on spooky nights like this.) Everything seems to be going well until some unexpected guests arrive.
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We've all been there, your buddy invites his gf to your party, she insists on bringing her friends (her sisters in this case) buddy pawns them off on you to keep them distracted while he and his gf go to the next room for some head. Now obviously, having the girls who were trying to kill you just a few months prior, and who have been bullying and sexually assaulting you for most of your adolescence show up at your party isn't ideal, but at least things are heating up. Sarah showed off a spooky trick vomiting ink, and hey, some more guests have arrived.
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>>30153 Things are getting pretty spooky, with zombies coming out of the woodwork to chase our three dorks and their suspiciously unaffected dates. But after forcing their way through, and Lee absolutely decking zombie Kevin, they step outside and WELCOME TO YHARNAM, MOTHERFUCKERS! Unable to resist the call of the blood when confronted with a paleblood sky, Ed and Double D transform into loathsome beasts (Ed in his were-ed form and Double D into his neckbeard were-vamp form.)
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After their transformation, Double D finds that Ed has maintained more control over himself than he's had in previous nights, being capable of speech and even higher thought (as much as can be said for dear Lumpy), there's those ravens again... But anyway, the two lycanthrope eds are menaced by a mystery man with a shotgun as Eddy and the Kankers continue to fight their way through the living dead.
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Just before the group is made into zombie chow, someone rather brutally headshots zombie Johnny. The mystery man from before turns out to be Eddy's brother, who also happens to be a professional monster hunter. Showing insight into the nature of beasts heretofore only seen exhibited by inanimate planks of wood, he suggests that the group seek shelter from the horde, as the undead to not remain down for long. At that, Double D suggests taking shelter in the old haunted house from that one episode, and here is where we end part 1 of 3. Thank you and have a wonderful night.
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>>30156 Now safe in the haunted house, the Eds decide to grill Eddy's brother as to his true motives behind helping them. Seeing as Big Picture Show is canon to NotW-E, it really is kind of funny that Eddy's brother's excuse boils down to "Oh yeah, I did beat the shit out of you, but it was so I wouldn't blow my cover, yeah, that's the ticket." And all parties involved just sort of roll with it. Also, he smokes, because he's cool.
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Eddy's brother goes on to say that Double D made a little fucky wucky when he decided to rip off Underworld, since his blatant act of plagiarism UPSET THE NATURAL ORRRRDEEEERRRR! and to rectify it he needs a lead lobotomy. Unfortunately, he's prevented from sending Sockhead to yiff in hell (also, notice the raven gets shot, but it still alive... hrmmmm) and so relents to send Edd looking for a cure, and Eddy to learn the tricks of the trade.
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Alright, here begins the shipping arc. You all know it, you know it comes out of nowhere. I've already joked the jester skeleton is a stand from how much of a non-sequitur it is. Also, I'm sure /k/ could tell you that rifle looks more like a Daisy Red Rider than a Winchester.
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So, Ed and May have their bonding moment, and Double D and Marie get all mushy. This is pure fluff so there's not really much to explain Also, I want a yaranaika edit of Were-Vamp Double D's face on the top of page 46, you know what I mean.
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Now it's Eddy and Lee's turn for the mushy love connection building. This time with the tried and true "teaching your love interest to shoot" setup. Even the ravens get in on it...
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And so ends the awkward shipping arc, and par 2/3 of this story. I'm going to leave you with the wonderful revelation that May Kanker does indeed want the were-Ed knot. Enjoy, and see you back here on Halloween for the thrilling conclusion.
>>30195 Thanks OP, can't beat a Halloween classic.
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>>30189 Welcome back, witches and wendigos, to the thrilling conclusion of this trilogy of terror. Double D gives some more exposition (including a handwave as to why the Kankers aren't vampires if the moon brings out dormant transformations) and explains that to banish the curse once and for all there needs to be a sacrifice burnt on a pyre, a burnt offering (so annuda holocaust, oy vey) to appease the gods. Now ready to kick some deadite ass, the gang saunter out movie style (Where did Lee get a cricket bat? I thought E,E,n' E took place in Canada? Is cricket as popular in Canada as it is in some other former Bong colonies? Or is it just a Shaun of the Dead reference?)
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ACTION SEQUENCE! The Ed-Kanker alliance beat the shit out of their former friends and family, shooting, chopping, and generally fucking them up right and proper. Double D is at a loss on how to start the bonfire, until propane comes through yet again, I tell you h'wat
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Even after sending the undead freaks to a clean burning hell (I tell you... oh wait, I already made a King of the Hill joke) the ritual is not complete without the blood of the being who disrupted the order in the first place, which means Double D eats some Double aught buckshot to the fucking face. And then in the afterlife, a mysterious voice calls out to congratulate him.
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Yeah, remember all those ravens? Double D is now an ordained warrior of Fucking ODIN. Yeah, the pencil necked, weak as a butterfly Ed boy is now a wolf blooded warrior of the All Father. And Odin appears as a gay red wolf instead of something cool like a muscular adult Rolf. Anyway, Double D has been revived and the night has reverted back to it's original state before Micolash and the Mensis boys decided to drop some insight on the Peach Creek kids.
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The night is back to normal, and all the cul de sac kids were sent home with just a fever and immense, likely irreversible mental trauma remembering all the times they died as zombies. But enough about that, more snogging (as the limeys would say) and the Eds and Kankers decide to continue the night's festivities their own way (i.e. Double D is gonna take them all to the junkyard for an orgy in that old van with the water bed and shag carpeting) But not before Eddy swears to train his Nen to become a better hunter than his Dad Brother, unfortunately EddyxEddy is on permanent hiatus.
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Christmas is right around the corner, and Double D has decided he wants to be a based Odinist warrior with his friends (Fat chance since we all know Eddy is a jew). How long before he decides to go full Varg and start torching churches? Find out... probably never since this is the end of the series. Odin bless you this Halloween, and don't forget that being a furry is a-okay as long as the allfather says it is. This year flew by, didn't it? Here's to another 365 on this site before I show this tale again.
>>30225 As weird as this whole thing is, I kinda wish the person who made it made more of it. It's charming in some autistic way.
>>30228 the series is beautifully true and honest, even in its massive insanity and rewriting of reality. we need more true and honest content.
Now post the other comic where Ed falls in love with a chicken's ghost.
Always a great read on Halloween.
>>30228 A continuation where the Eds (and Kankers because why not) become monster hunters and travel around looking for work would've been neat. But I imagine the artist probably wanted to focus on their original ideas by this point.
Thanks for stickying the thread for Halloween. I will admit I kind of forgot this year, but eh, I've been doing it the last six years (Starting on OG 8chan even) so I think I can take a pass. Plus, 2024, 4 is bad luck in Nippon, so I guess there's my excuse.


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