I chatted with a depressed transgender woman online. We have known each other for over a year and talked on the phone. She is cute and has a gender-neutral voice. We have borrowed money from each other and trust each other, but unfortunately, she is a lesbian and has never let me have sex with her. Her life has been getting harder and harder recently, and she wants to die. Still, she is afraid of pain, so she is willing to give me all her savings of 8,000 yuan and ask me to buy her barbiturate for euthanasia, either in cash or virtual currency. She will also find an excuse for her disappearance in advance for people around her (going abroad, etc.) so that even if she is missing, people around her will not call the police. She is also willing to let me have sex once before she dies in return for my kindness in giving her euthanasia drugs. Because I had used stimulants before (I have quit now) and knew the contact information of many dealers, she thought I could get barbiturates, but no dealer I knew sold this stuff, and I couldn't bear to let her die. In addition, in China, assisted suicide is sentenced as intentional homicide... But I still often have fantasies in my mind. I always like to watch gore and have a very bloody sexual fetish. I always can't help fantasizing about luring her to the wilderness under the pretext of suicide pills, raping, torturing, and then killing her. Anyway, she will find an excuse for her disappearance in advance so people around her don't call the police... She and her family have basically cut off contact. No one cares if she dies. I masturbated thinking about this scene several times, and even opened the chat window, but when I saw her cute avatar, I suddenly felt sorry. She is so cute, how can I have such thoughts? In the end, I still did nothing.