>>1222
>So not only are you confusing Saturn with Kronos as if they are the same, you are also attacking Kronos?
Wasn't Cronos identified with Saturn in Roman mythology?
>I didn't go around cursing him or shit talking him.
Regardless, the dexterity of my words and sharpness of my wit were to me what your arm wrestling was to you. Not just brash profanities, but more of a biting lyrical romp against the demiurgic patron deity of the NWO/Jews who controlled the flow of propagandized media, wars, and political tribalism. Took Saturn for the true god of the jews and Israel, and the older people in my family as having been mentally molded, shaped, and puppeted by said Saturnite cult given how strongly zionist they are despite being catholic.
>>1226
>He has no "main guiding force" just a bunch of short circuiting mental currents.
Used to have a main guiding force, even if I didn't completely understand it or can't easily recall any definitive aspects of it.
>He is paralyzed from the fear of "death" (of his meme psyche) and has 0 power or willingness to fight for it. Was thinking maybe untangling his "faith" in any way might result in something but... even my own longpostmancy has it's limits.
It really doesn't help that the old methods I used of working probability in my favor like insincerely moping about the desired outcome not coming to fruition as a way of invoking it, or even going into the visualization with all the conviction necessary to muster it into reality (which isn't a whole lot)
>Did you have any "organic" spiritual breakthroughs or all of them were artificial stimuli?
Had a few anomalous dreams like a triple awakening, fears of reality/the world ending back when I was 11 and 12 - first upon learning of ontological horror upon a now gone tvtropes page (High Octane Nightmare Fuel - Real Life), been fascinated with altered states and consciousness as a child, as well as some sixth sense where I can "feel" interactions before they happen or just ghosts. Punctuality with predictions as with a deep, vivid chronological memory and imagination to play around with. What you call "sensory debauchery" was more than just the fulfillment of this childhood curiosity and a way to traverse through the traumas that accumulated prior in life (first group being socjus leaning furries holding a grudge against edgy teen me, mom dying, and having missed out on core teenage experiences in addition to feeling alone and aimless). It became a way of bridging largely different domains to mash unconventional concepts and things together to create something greater than the sum of its parts, explore my subconscious mind and enhance my manifestatory capabilities. A way of analogizing the various stories, life experiences, emotions evoked through music, and my own fictional series derived from various parts of my mind and extracting the amalgamation to help structure or form the schema that comprises my internal mythos.
>Wish you could pinpoint that division in their ACTUAL MYTHOLOGY instead of creating a slop of ideas and merging your psyche with political and religious strife.
Bouncing back on lulzington's memes once more, his concept of Satan is similar to that of God/Christ - The devil wears a thousand faces, as does God and His Son who manifests throughout all cultures by numerous names - Krishna, Dionysus, Horus, Mithras, Baldr, Quetzalcoatl - much more "continental" his philosophical approach in that he targets the commonalities and similarities in their roles between their respective mythologies to sorta "narrow down" or distill their essence
And here I believe it's TPTB doing the division, placation and conquering of the masses in service to the antichrist, satan, or just their God as a form of leading the flock to the slaughterhouse. Very hard to explain when I can barely recall the sum total of my beliefs I've taken from lulzington in this state.
>I can "hear my thoughts" like they are not even my own. They are just rants I don't even pay attention to. Instead of "silencing my mind" I can just let them move on their own without me "thinking them" and do my own work. I am sometimes awakening some of my thought currents ranting on their own while I open my eyes. It's so weird. No wonder you are "neurotypical" with these "gifts". If something does not take up all your attention you just "forget it".
I've never been neurotypical - OCD, ADHD, and PDD-NOS which feels like the halfway point between high functioning autism and "diet schizophrenia" were the foundation of my neurological makeup.
>hating the anti-christ and the system and everything and dying in a hopeless battle (for Jesus) against an unforgiving system? His angle is schizos vs society. That is not leading towards salvation. That leads into destruction. You either die by the hands of others or you destroy society and die on the rubble and think you "won". The moment you stop thinking that you are "winning" is the moment the darkness claims you. This is no way to live. This is not how fights are fought.
I'll admit that the entirety of the anti-societal, apocalyptic sentiments
are leftovers from HAPPENINGS addiction from /pol/ and the fantastic scenarios borne of them
minus most of the racism, save for some antisemitism on my end, though his angle despite the memes is a bit broader to encompass a more diogenic disregard for modern society and the elevation of cunning rebellion through trolling as a legitimate means against a pervasive, tyrannical, psychopathic system.
>You never managed to create an inner will a desire to walk on your own instead of constantly being "drawn" by other forces.
I've always had an inner will to be my own person instead of a sycophantic, mindless drone seeking praise and insincere validation from older, detached family and authority figures whilst also seeking my own circle, community or "in" with those I can gel well and have chemistry with
and even then, to seek self-actualization and discover truth for myself.
>Currently we are looking for something with actual value actual feelings and thoughts besides the internet. An "original point" of your psyche.
The original me who was content being alone with the rich inner world of creativity and inspirations I derive from the world around me? Or all the complex emotions that came to me through my synesthesia in the past few years or so? These "scenes" which are memories of places, situations and things associated with the songs I listened to during that time period? Perhaps from there you should be able to locate it.
>And I wish to know which of them were "organic developments" and which were "drugs and memes".
The organic developments coming from my ability to intuit and analyze other's behavior as well as my own from an introspective standpoint alongside a rather hefty self-focus and wanting to be better than those I considered "lesser" or "askew" came rather early in childhood, experimenting with DXM didn't come until Aug. 11th, and the lulzington memetic influence came about in mid 2021.
>This is what you spend your whole day with?
I'm not proud of it
I also avoid listening to what I used to listening to out of fear of tainting those energies through negative energy by association because I hold them as precious