A hard pill to swallow. Much of our world's "spirituality" is based around addiction to emotional and sexual gratification, which is misleadingly called "love". The veil drops and one realises romanticism and romantic love are nothing but Demiurgic lies to spread attachment. And everywhere you look, you find it now. The nightmare goggles don't go off anymore.

>>788 Actual real love is very powerful but the sort of empty positivism "everything is good" mentality that a lot of new age types espouse is a far cry from that.

How do you evoke a spirit? You fill the space with its attributions of correspondences. How do you invoke it? You fill your aura with energy that is resonant to the spirit. How do you mentally project or transport yourself astrally? You "prime the pump" of imagination, as Bruce Moen put it, and vividly imagine things like the ones with which you want to connect. Then the astral light begins to react and it takes shape on its own. This reminds me a lot of how large language models work. Filling the context with the kind of things you want from it will bring up from its depths more things that are coherent. In a way, it's like summoning spirits from the textual collective unconscious of mankind as it is encoded in those models. As above, so below. >>789 It is called "agape".

>>787 >Zdzisław Beksiński I should look through his paintings sometimes. >>788 >Much of our world's "spirituality" is based around addiction to emotional and sexual gratification, which is misleadingly called "love". Yeah. Did you notice how normalfags ruin every franchise once it becomes popular? Same with spirituality. If it does not cater to the most mundane needs then it's weird cryptic or "evil" for them. >romanticism and romantic love Okay the kind of "love" that is being sold by novels and movies is the most shallow thing ever. The reason why most normies are in absolute dysfunctional relationships because they are chasing a shitty dream in their head that they were programmed to chase to waste their money "for love" that they can never attain once they are deemed unworthy or poor or other societal orchestration >but Demiurgic lies to spread attachment We managed to lower the standards of "love" so much I cannot even diss the demiurge for this. >The nightmare goggles don't go off anymore. I like nightmares. Nightmares have monsters. You can punch them and strangle them. And you can awaken from those nightmares then you can go back telling those fucks that they are in the wrong neighborhood. Life is not that easy. Love can deform into hatred. While it has more uses than the "false love" it is still not a nice attachment to have. Not to mention indifference is even worse in some scenarios. You forget your own fire that way. >>789 This. All hail chaos. May true love bring us all together. >>790 >It is called "agape". Yeah it can get more complicated than that. Christians don't know all aspects of love but sure as hell able to blind themselves with their own versions of "love" and "faith". The higher forms of love can bind you to a God(dess) or merge your very own internal parts in a harmonic manner. I am not preaching love the same way as a new ager fuck I am saying this because currently I am working to understand the soul forces more perfectly. The infinite colors of the soul star the 16 petals of the heart chakra etc because that love makes us human and it is important through development to not forget it. You might say I am a demiurgist I don't care but we managed to downgrade love to a level where we just want to sit down and perish in a corner instead of trying to find higher truth. I dislike the world agape because that is still unable to describe the higher levels of love. Not to mention once you go and try to understand how Buddhists see compassion as a force that they use for the most potent miracles. Do not disregard love because others only able to express the cheapest and most marketable love ever. If you want you can embrace hatred like me and punch the manifestations of demiurge for a while but then you will notice that hatred leads only so far and higher spiritual truths cannot be grasped with a heart that does not know love. Also the demiurge is a pussy. He is even portrayed as one. >I'm a lion rawr :3 I am even embedded in the fabric of reality >Whatdoyoumeanyoucanwarpthatfabricwtfsomeonegetmeouttahere There are beneficial lion deities tho. I do not consider everything an aspect of the demiurg. But I cannot say I am beyond attachments. If I was I wouldn't be here anymore. Is spirituality an attachment? Or the pursuit of spirituality? If you let go of that attachment then are you free or doomed forever? If you are bound to nothing do you fly to heaven or fall into the abyss? These were some questions I had to answer for myself but I am not sure the answers are universal enough so I can share them yet. >The veil drops There are too many veils and many pills to swallow. I am never sure if I see things the same way as others who claim that they went beyond the "veil". They say it like there is only a single veil. Only a single stream a single illusion only a single endless ocean that hides the great beyond. They cannot comprehend that there might be more. Or if they do they don't bother to speak about it anymore. They know only very few people can understand them at that level anymore. Why bother wasting words.

>>793 Nightmares are great. I often visit Hell worlds in my nightmares where there's these huge dark labyrinths where monsters chase people around and hunt them. I think of these as 'cold Hells' since the despair comes from lack of hope, while in 'hot Hells' the despair comes from burning pain. I have never been in a hot Hell, but the cold Hells give me some sort of aesthetic synergy. I like observing the entities there. And even if you lose control nightmares can be useful because they show you any weaknesses you may have overlooked.

Intentionally maintaining ignorance about something seems to make it magnitudes easier to change it. Once you see it, it's 'locked in'. I don't know if this is a limiting belief or universal.

>>868 What you observed is 100% the case, but it's because as above, so below, NOT because of the observer effect. The observer effect is terribly misunderstood. Macroscopic systems are in a collapsed state whenever they interact with any other macroscopic system. A random interaction between to systems counts as "observing", even if none of the two are self-aware or conscious at all (but isn't everything conscious in the universe?). As for your observation, Montalk on montalk.net has a whole series about that. I feel like he's boxed himself in in dogma after so many years of research, but his earlier insights are excellent.

Yesterday I took quite a bit of DMT. 190 mg. I ingested it orally in the form of something called pharmahuasca, which is just when you take a monoamine oxidase inhibitor beforehand so your stomach enzymes don’t destroy the DMT before it’s absorbed. The purpose of this experiment was to attempt to dissolve a hard limit I’ve run into in my practice that I’ve been unable to overcome with meditation. I have never used mind-altering substances like this before, as I did not want to become reliant on them, but since the purpose of this was to create a one-time monumental change in my worldview, I felt it was necessary. The limit I was trying to surpass was the limit of the mind-matter duality, or spirit-matter duality. I had previously felt it to be completely impossible to cause overt effects in matter directly, using just my mind. I know that it’s not actually impossible, because I have performed telekinesis once or twice in a way that was unmistakable for anything else, but I still felt it was impossible. There were other ‘impossibility’ limitations I wanted to surpass as well. I drank the chemicals, and the first thing that happened was that I was drawn into a series of intense dream-like visions. It started with some bird-like shapes, and moved into black-and-white shapes which may have been catlike. I lost all concept of time. I may have been screaming when I was having the visions. It felt like I was screaming but I didn’t have my body at the time so I don’t know. I came to as I vomited, and I was very thankful for vomiting as it brought be back to reality. It felt very good. After this I was afraid to close my eyes. At this point I remember thinking that I was extremely arrogant for doing this. I was confident that I would be able to call on the concepts I work with to protect myself, but the very notion of concepts just weren’t there any more. I remember thinking that this must be what it’s like to be a baby, because all of my learned concepts of reality had just been torn down and I had to learn everything all over again. I had no nucleus. Now I began to get stuck in ‘time-loops’. Every time I had a thought, it was as though the thought took up the entire universe of my awareness, and the beginning of time was the beginning of the thought and it just kept looping back on itself. I was unable to remember who I was or what it was like to be human, only the thought was there and whatever context came with it. I began writing my thoughts down on a notepad I had next to me, which was helpful for keeping my mind in reality. I also talked to myself continuously. Occasionally it would feel like it was starting to end, but then it would just start up again. I remember telling myself that I would never take the ground for granted again. I ingested this drug because I wanted to introduce chaos and energy to break up my constricted grounding, but now I had no ground or baseline concept of reality at all. I’m pretty sure that this is what it feels like to die. You lose your gravity, and are swept up in the winds. Before this I had strong recurring suicidal urges. I don’t think that’s going to be an issue any more. I know the value of gravity now and I don’t want to throw it away. This experience lasted 6 hours. I remember when I started remembering what it was to be human again and regained the presence of mind to be able to walk around my apartment without falling into an eternal time-loop I was so happy that I started singing and talking in rhyme. It felt like the end of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ when George gets his old life back. I still feel a bit manic this morning. I was only able to get a couple hours of sleep last night because I couldn’t stop running through analysis of these events in my head. Conclusions: I don’t think I ever want to do this again. It felt like going to Hell and back but it was very educational. I think I got what I wanted to get out of it. I don’t see the world in terms of mind and matter anymore. It feels like reality is more like a series of loops, like a wave looped in and connected to itself so that it forms a circle, and the circle is a particle. No mind or matter, just interconnected loops of action that lead in to one other. I think the difference between the loop of this reality and what I experienced is that the DMT loops were very small, and they were very fast, which made them more obvious. This is a very big and very slow loop. And the various aspects of this reality are all their own loops, and I think that now I can connect to them and see them and act on them. I will have to spend some time revising my magical practice, and how I perform workings. I believe that I have a lot more tools to work with now and I need to learn how to use them. I believe that the first experience where my mind exploded changed something about me. I feel a lot more extroverted now. I’m still talking to myself, and I feel a lot more uninhibited. It may just be residual mania but I feel that my mind is a more outward-focused now. It’s like I instinctually ‘retreated into myself’ at first but the energies were just too much and the lid got blown off. I think this is good. Also my legs felt intensely sore after this, as though I spent the entire day walking. I assume this represents lower energy center activity as my relationship and conceptualization of grounding and gravity was altered radically. In the coming weeks I’ll need to run a lot of experiments to determine the potential applications of this new reality framework, but I’m still digesting it all.

>>886 Well my magic is definitely a lot more powerful. And more natural. But it's not any more precise. Or rather it's more like I still don't fully grasp how this life's narrative relates to energetic particle-cycles in a way that can be reliably exploited. I feel like I'm going a bit crazy now. Like I'm stuck between worlds. That's good, I wanted to go crazy. My hypothesis was that if someone's crazy enough to believe in their spell 100% like how they believe in a rock, then it'll be as real as a rock. I kind of want to try again even though I said I never would. The first time my question was answered marvelously. If I ask a more pragmatic question maybe that will be answered too. Definitely not the 6-hour variation though, I think that gave me PTSD.

>>886 After reading your post I decided to try and emulate the effect internally and under my control in a very slow and mild manner using servitors to examine the exact effect the drug has on the brain. I was able to incorporate what I saw into my already existing frame of understanding, but I'll share what I saw: I saw at first predatory fish or flying lizards, then appeared some kind of black apes with sharp teeth and black fur. There was then a large bird skeleton, its face was skeletal, and it kept switching left-right as if it existed in two timelines at the same time. The movement created an X. My view changed and I saw that I was in the sky above the Earth. I looked down and saw a circular energy motion which was red on one side and white on the other, it was granular. Wavy forms shot out from the circular stream and went into the middle of the large circle, where they joined into a black circular motion. I had the impression I was looking at China and the wheel of reincarnation there. My view went back up to the bird, and it was now a carnivorous plant which ate people, and it seemed to be sorting them left and right based on their qualities. Some went to "China" and others were send the other path. I went back on the other path and that trail lead back to myself.

>>911 I tried to create a "DNA" for the effect of doing this in a controlled manner as such. It's contained in this sigil.

It smells of sunflower seed oil in this thread.

>>948 >sunflower seed oil I recently started using that instead of olive oil.

>>972 I've been eating more cooked tomatoes myself.

>>912 >>911 This looks fairly accurate. Although I should say that half the value I got from this was from the loss of control. Not just because it showed the weakness of the way I was relying on and working with concepts in my work but also because it somehow made it easier to accept the loss of control that comes with 'casting your awareness out' into a spell and letting its heartbeat suffuse your awareness and take on its own existence. Like for example, I've posted on Sunflower about how I'm able to get around my allergy to eggs by 'purifying' them with energy manipulation beforehand. This is a useful spell for my testing because it has a direct, measurable, physical effect. Before this I had to focus and sit in front of them while consciously 'pushing' energy into a white fire thoughtform until the 'corruption' was all burned away. Now I can simply glance at them and slightly 'lean into' the heartbeat-cycle of the fire thoughtform and it will spring into action with a life on its own and continue until everything harmful is burnt away, with results that are the same or better than before. I think the uprooting helped my scrying as well. Sometimes vivid images just flash in my mind’s eye now. It probably has something to do with loosening the grip that the ego has on the imagination, allowing thoughts to take on a mind of their own. I was wanting to do this again this week but I think I’m still spiritually hung over because I get a spike of nausea whenever I think about going back in. Last time the intention I put on it was to ‘receive knowledge about the truth of reality’ (aka the red pill). This time I want to try to cast an intention to remake my ego (nucleus of temporal existence) to allow for more intense and direct manifestations of power on my part. I really don’t like how 95% of my spells manifest as coincidences. It’s not a matter of intensity of the energies being channeled, it has more to do with the lens through which reality is viewed, or the lens through which the intention behind the spell is cast into action. I’m not sure if it’s ‘belief’ or something more like ‘narrative genre’. Finding out how to overcome this has been my #1 goal for the past few years.

I realized the reason I love /fringe/ so much and why I don't want it to die is because after my initiation I began noticing how utterly alone I was in a sea of mundanes, and only this board makes me feel there's other people out there who understand.

>>1025 It really is amazing how few legitimate occult forums are out there. Most of them are just filled with normies asking stuff like "how do I cast a curse/love spell" and nothing else.

>>1028 There is a sort of armchair spirituality religion spreading among mundanes, sort of a new new age. They think by virtue of declaring themselves "awake" and "spiritual", they are, and they do "rituals" that amount to little more than superstition. I'm not strawmanning, I know a few of these. The don't understand inititation, or how anything works. In fact, they get uncomfortable when you talk about results based magic, or when anything actually happens. All they care about is "doing rituals" and "shadow work" to feel "spiritual". It's as if the veil of Isis, instead of simply hiding her face, was painted with another face meant to misdirect them. They escaped from one world of illusions to another, more confusing one. Holy shit, imagine the afterlife of these people. Anyway, sorry about the rant. >>1008 Are you sure they're coincidences? What I mean is that coincidences are in the eye of the beholder, in my experience. If you are naturally sensitive, you will feel that whenever something manifests (the moment of the coincidence), the scene will take an unnatural feel to it, similar to that moment in dreams when one becomes lucid and the dream characters momentarily lose their personalities and look at you like puppets. Moreover, even if it doesn't involve you directly, you will coincidentally hear about it when it happens. Those are the times when reality shows its onirical nature. I think we are conditioned to see these moments as coincidences, but really, they are moments of lucidity in the dream of life. Maybe explore with that in mind. Much more overt things could be happening around a manifeststion event, and it could be your psyche who turned it into a coincidence by fabricating, or even manifesting, the details to furnish it with plausibility. The more you actually accept reality as dreamlike, the more you free yourself from that.

>>1029 Well I can tell when a coincidence is the result of a magical working. Usually I experience a sense of intense deja vu as the energetic makeup of the event mirrors exactly the energetic makeup of the spell that was cast. More to the point, what I'm after here is unambiguous supernatural abilities. If I do a spell to fly I don't want to experience a bit more freedom or lightness in my day to day life, I want to actually float off the ground. I know this is possible because I have been able to perform unambiguous telekinesis before, though it requires a very fragile and hard to achieve state of mind that's difficult to replicate. People like to call kinetic magic "party tricks" but the mere fact that it's possible opens up a huge avenue of possibility that hasn't been thoroughly explored yet. My rationale is rather than going through the process of using self-hypnotism to momentarily achieve this ephemeral mental state which allows kinetic magic to manifest, it would instead be more advantageous to remake the psyche or ego-framework to remove whatever psychic block is preventing these effects from being transmitted from a state of normal consciousness. I've had this obstruction manifest directly when doing experiments with a psi-wheel, as a sort of visceral panic in the gut that rises up as the wheel begins to move, like you're 'breaking the rules' or doing something wrong by causing those physical effects with your mind. I believe that if the construct which is causing this were to be removed or otherwise integrated, it would greatly increase the power and versitility of what effects are possible with magic.

>>1030 I have two credible testimonies involving overt telekinesis of a heavy, metallic object and of levitation. I aslo have the testimony of someome who met someone with this kind of siddhis, and they described being in their presence as >it didn't feel like I was with a person, but rather a mystical experience, like encountering a deer in the forest, alien, magical, like a part of nature Those are the clues I have to unravel this mystery. Make of them what you will. But I do believe the process involves changing your psyche into something other than human, and thus impeding your ability to function as such, to an extent. Of the two siddhis testimonies, one was an angry child, and the other a half psychotic hermit.

>>1030 Would you tell us more about the feeling of breaking the rules or doing something wrong?

>>1037 It's similar to the sensation of falling you get sometimes when you're falling asleep and get jolted awake. Like sort of panic that occurs as the object begins moving, saying ‘something’s wrong’. Nothing rational, entirely instinctual. >>1036 John Chang is the best documented example I have of someone skilled in kinetic magic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AZU8S9F0yI Reading the Magus of Java, it seems he was able to teach his students to do similar things. Collective consciousness probably also plays a large part in it, I bet doing these sorts of things is a lot easier if you grew up in an environment where the sort of mechanistic atom-based materialism that’s so prevalent here simply wasn’t a factor. Of course, other beliefs would probably introduce different types of deeply-rooted limitations.

>>1038 I find this video disingenuous. Near the end they show a guy (one of his student?) breaking a bottle by slapping it. But anyone can do this (as long as you've got two hands). It doesn't require magic like his other feats do

>>1041 It's a pretty big stretch to say that a 2 second clip presented without any context during the epilogue makes the entire 10 minute video disingenuous.

>>1036 >Of the two siddhis testimonies, one was an angry child, and the other a half psychotic hermit I feel personally attacked. >>1030 >People like to call kinetic magic "party tricks" but the mere fact that it's possible opens up a huge avenue of possibility that hasn't been thoroughly explored yet. Yeah I remember when I got good at TK. A yellow or green energy field appeared around the object and once that happened it started to move with my will. So far so good rith? Well... It turned out I am literally merging dimension I am binding my susceptible mind to raw matter I am opening portals to other dimensions and entities are suddenly migrating through my bedroom and because my mind is open incursions are easy. Not to mention randomly overcharging equipment while staring at them too much because I didn't realize I didn't just "flick" a single switch but like 5-10 in my head and don't know which they were. >as a sort of visceral panic in the gut that rises up as the wheel begins to move, like you're 'breaking the rules' or doing something wrong by causing those physical effects with your mind Yeah. One more thing from the angry child psychotic hermit of the board... You must watch out for never displacing your own vital and psychic energies with these "party tricks" because it causes problems. Once it starts "moving" you must remain as calm like you just moved your arm and not like you suddenly "broke a finger". Displacing energies can be like that. I remember I had this randomly displace energy symptom and my car stopped functioning until I asked an another mundane to turn it on. Killing the electricity in the car because I was too angry while driving... Then I was walking in a half trance while pondering about a magical issue and as I turned on the lamp as a reflex it flickered then turned off. I had to tap the lamp and make a GET OUT feeling so I reabsorb my wandering energies and the lamp started working. I still have to watch out with this because TK is as easy as moving your arm but your "rule based mind" is not letting you move your arm in a way it breaks. Try to willingly break your fingers. Each and every one of them. See the "willingness". For TK you need that much willingness and a feel to know how to place the energies then reabsorb them. IF you displace your energies then unable to reabsorb it or leave open channels on your energy body you will leak or suck in shitty energies. I am not trying to scare you here just understand what true madness can give you and why TK is called a "party trick". Siddhis should be a symptom of awakening and not it's main reason for awakening. Even I suck at "willful siddhis" because my mind is not stable enough so I am focusing on the attainment of the stable higher mind. Some parts are too high some too low and they short circuit and cause problems. I can manifest things but it must be devoid of desire. Otherwise it causes retarded attachments connections and energy leaks. Also your problem is that you want to "prove" magic. If you want to "prove it" then you concluded "magic is not real" then you are arm wrestling yourself until you defeat your inner mindset then as you "win" that moment of surprise will change your mindset and your skepticism takes back the seat of power as the "fundamental reality". For easy TH it must be the most natural most plausible thing and "it couldn't have happened any other way" Party tricks are cool but once it happens you will just get too much attention from mundanes trying to "disprove" or "ignore" what happened. Or they go into an energetic frenzy and that is what you call a party Who do you want to "prove" magic? For yourself? For God? To unbelievers? Do you want to become Jesus? A new Bardon? Want to change the way mundanes think? "Faith" is not enough. You need resolve and conviction. Things work because they cannot work any other way. Society sees the madman as the mad while for the madman society who is mad. Everything that the madman does is normal for the madman. Remember once you become the madman you lose your comfy standing in society until you attain mastery. This is not a "warning" this is something you will have to explain the parts of yourself that you are trying to make "mad" for power. >>1029 >whenever something manifests (the moment of the coincidence), the scene will take an unnatural feel to it For some reason when I think of something then it happens I wonder if I "sensed it" and that is why it was in my thought stream before happening or I caused it without noticing. It's a >was this my fault? kind of thing I remember some years ago my family mentioning that whenever they thought about me I appeared. But that usually happened before me loudly proclaiming in my head that IT'S TIME TO VISIT GRANDMA then I went there intently. Nowadays I know how to "think" with less decibels. Not to mention when I awoke from a sleep always 2 minutes before a phonecall. Was staring on the ceiling thinking >why the fuck did I wake up then as I was trying to figure out if I had a dream that or something that spurred me awake but I forgot then I got a phone call that would have woken me up and would have made me angry for disturbing my sleep therefore I instinctively avoided it. Realized my premonition works as much a future event agitates me. It's about marking an event in such way it becomes visible. Nowadays I am figuring out how my emotions resonate with the psyche because they grant the lower psychic powers aka reality alteration but my emotions require quite the stability for higher magic too which is also reality alteration but such a way you alter reality so it can "house" your awakened existence. Something like this post describes. >>1036 >>it didn't feel like I was with a person, but rather a mystical experience, like encountering a deer in the forest, alien, magical, like a part of nature I have like 10 around and they are nosy as hell. Ever since I connected to the forest spirits the forest animal fauna is overgrown as hell. Darn. No wonder urbanites are so shit at magic. For them a "deer" is a magical experience. >changing your psyche into something other than human Not other than "human" but not a mentally bodily and spiritually bound to earth and matter like the malfunctioning drones around as are. You want to become a "true human" and not a mere imitation like others. But some of us are not human to begin with. For that you have to find your inner channels and how they operate the body and reality. This is my problem with mass initiation. Souls are too different. Hard to create universal foolproof theories then write them down in a way everyone can apply it without a true master explaining it. >>1025 >after my initiation I began noticing how utterly alone I was in a sea of mundanes Strive towards mastery and turn those mundanes into initiates. Problem solved! Wish it was that simple lol >and only this board makes me feel there's other people out there who understand awwwww >I realized the reason I love /fringe/ so much Wanted to make a thread about this. Why we love fringe how we found fringe and what is our expectation for the future of fringe but I felt that the energies of fringe are still immature and as much as unproductive shitposts were always part of fringe I didn't want that as a starter. Not to mention my worry of "immature energies" got confirmed after that AI written thread about the fringe show. Didn't even watch that yet. Is it like x-files but more paranormal? I have too large of a backlog already. Not sure if I care.

>>1051 Alright let me think. #1 thing is power. The ability to enforce one's Will upon reality. Achieving this mastery is currently my purpose in life. I would be willing to burn myself into ashes for it. I suppose breaking my fingers would be easy compared to that. I just need a hammer. Can this goal be achieved with my current toolset? Well, no. If I want to float off the ground, I can't do that. That's a problem. It's not so much "proving magic" as "demonstrating mastery". Mastery must be demonstrated and actualized for it to be real. That is a fact. Theoretical power isn't much use for anything other than fertilizer. That's what I'm doing right now. Using it as fertilizer. Reason for awakening… I don’t think it’s just ‘I want to do cool things’. I want to tear down and remake what I am. Pulverize the bones into dust. Alchemy. I want to change the game that I’m playing. Or rather, become capable of changing the game. Programming, "hacking".

>>1045 It's there for a reason.

>>1052 >#1 thing is power Power comes and balances with wisdom. The problem with modern humans is that we are too powerful already. And by powerful I mean we conquered out environment into conformity. Because of this we have no reason to strive further and force evolve ourselves. Living is not a true challenge but a constant annoyance nowadays. >The ability to enforce one's Will upon reality You have that already. You are enforcing your will with you keep living eating flesh and plants maintaining the economy around you and using your fleshy bits to post on the interwebz that compel me to reply. That is already power. You might say that is not "enforcing". This is the "tricky bit". Enforcing means you want to arm wrestle someone into submission which means to feel that you have "power" you need a "foe" you can defeat. You cannot conceive that sometimes power =/= victory. Things go into the least resistance and magic is about learning to channel these forces into the place you want them to be. "Coincidences" are just manifestation of least resistance. Hard to consider that "power" I know because we have this power = tyrant/dictator absolutism mentality. God created the world from nothing and didn't toil and sweat and broke rocks with a hammer. For us that is what power means. Real power is effortless. Only the breaking of energy blocks and clearing out the resistance they cause will be "challenging" and not natural flow. Natural flows create the greatest power. See it with wind water storms lightning and electricity nowadays. Flowstates are the psychological manifestation of being in power while being washed forward currently. You probably don't consider "walking" a power because it's that effortless but it requires quite the energy and the power to do that >Achieving this mastery is currently my purpose in life Same... but you will have to explore this further. What do you want to be the master of? What true mastery means for you? There was that tale when the Buddha met a yogi who meditated for decades to be able to walk on water and the Buddha told him his skill is worth 2 coppers. The yogi was angered and asked why. The Buddha told him because the ferryman carries him over for that much. Now I am not trying to prove your foolishness here but you have to understand that you need to look for a "goal" where you could convince your lowest and highest selves that what you want is NEEDED AND NECESSARY NO MATTER WHAT and not sound like a spoiled child. This is why I asked the "convince God" part. You will have to convince him that you are willing and able to hold your powers. Be (with) him within or without. >I would be willing to burn myself into ashes for it Brave words but you sure of it? I am only asking because if your guides see that you are this retarded or your fear of death kicks in your resolve will shake like a leaf in the wind. t. someone who burned several parts of himself to ashes and knows he is still not done with it. >I suppose breaking my fingers would be easy compared to that. I just need a hammer. What hammer? Grab it with your hand and break it. You will not do true magic with "tools" you will do it with faith and true resolve. Twist it so hard it snaps. See what happens and how your psyche screams how retarded you are and shouldn't do that again. This is how magic is. "Sanity" is blocking you from wasting all your precious energies on shitty party tricks. Once you are overabundant with energies siddhis manifests on it's own but then you have to retain control. Having no power or having no control over power and breaking everything precious? Which is worse? >If I want to float off the ground, I can't do that I realized that I could do that but some parts of me would panic... then my energy centers contract shit and piss themselves and I look there retarded as hell. Like when I misaligned my spine with a dumb ass magic in my teens. You will have to talk this out with your inner aspects if you are truly ready. It's like jumping down from a building without a thought while knowing the pain it causes before you even considering the jump. If your body knows you don't have enough vital force or the necessary control it blocks your immature "will". >I can't do that. That's a problem At least you are not misplacing objects randomly while being mad. >so much "proving magic" as "demonstrating mastery". To who? >Mastery must be demonstrated and actualized for it to be real Not exactly. That is required for you to recognized as a master in a community where there is an "exam". You cannot expect yourself to be a master from the get go. Especially when you never met a real master. You have no reference points. Group meditations are good with a master because you can sync to his mindwaves but doing it randomly with mundanes or alone without a higher guide present will not always result in anything productive. What I wanted to say is that you have misconceptions what is a "master". Every master has it's own master you will have to find yours. Or find the inner bravery and wisdom to walk the fool's journey. >That is a fact Facts are malleable by those who have power. This is why you have to go insane to stop being limited by your own "facts". >Theoretical power isn't much use for anything huuuuuhhhh. Okay. This will be hard to unwrap. Theoretical power... Like we are trying to use metaphysical concepts that boil down to power. Which means you have to stop thinking and start doing. The problem with the "theory" part is that currently you have only your own theories and conclusions. Once you gain schematics from higher beings literally "living concepts" this "theory is not power" mentality will be a harsh one because then that playhouse of inner thoughts become a powerhouse that warps reality. I too have to pay attention to think in a way it causes no anomalies. I have to stop my inner tantrums and lulzy thought experiments because they just perpetuate shadow issues. I have to retain my inner focus so I only release my energies when needed and not as a stress relief. Asking myself what I am doing why am I doing it what I am looking for is a daily thing. I have to weed out my lowly desires from my true will. >much use for anything other than fertilizer This is... weirdly and well put at once. I would call it "inspiration" instead of fertilizer because fertilizer is manure corpses and worms. Theoretical power is like schematics written on paper. They are not the "real materia" that will grant the power but the work you will put into while actualizing it. >That's what I'm doing right now. Using it as fertilizer Use the word inspiration instead. >I don’t think it’s just ‘I want to do cool things’. I want to tear down and remake what I am. Pulverize the bones into dust. Alchemy. I want to change the game that I’m playing. Or rather, become capable of changing the game. Programming, "hacking". Yeah but as someone who hacked games since his childhood and does that with reality... The first things that will happen is you will break the game cause glitches and might get banned or sealed for your own safety. What you describe is a step on the path a necessary one but what you require comes after and the "will" into that state that higher awareness is more important than the processes that lead there. What you require is the higher mind and the wisdom. Power comes with wisdom. Wisdom that does not grant power is not "real wisdom" but mere wisecracks or preaching.

K time for an actual advice >>886 >At this point I remember thinking that I was extremely arrogant for doing this. I was confident that I would be able to call on the concepts I work with to protect myself, but the very notion of concepts just weren’t there any more. I remember thinking that this must be what it’s like to be a baby, because all of my learned concepts of reality had just been torn down and I had to learn everything all over again. I had no nucleus. Go back to this stage. Try to remember it. And forget your "nucleus". It goes deeper than that. Everything is connected. You will have to decentralize. And see all parts of yourself from all directions. There are 2 main types of magic. Lower magic like tantra and the transmutation of vital and elemental forces into results and higher magic when you use higher symbols Gods or your higher self to channel truth itself. What you need to do is forget your "false center" because it creates a tunnel vision and find the higher mind and guide your lower energies so you can stabilize it into an ever present workable system that comes from within and without. First you will have to find it then you probably will need a lot of energy to bridge these parts of your mind and reality and for that you will probably need to take apart most of your working systems. You will have to start from scratch. And as you said with the DMT you realized you were arrogant. That arrogance will need to go because when the trial by fire comes you will see your own true resolve and when it vanishes you will have to find it again but it cannot stay on flimsy legs as your current ego. You will have to lose control to find true control. There are 2 minds beyond your current minds. The 2 godheads you have to find. One is your subconscious forces the inner animal the "devil" your desire factory that grants the earthly powers then the "Higher mind" who is ever silent as long as you are unwilling and unable to listen. They appeared for me as 2 heads on my shoulder and you have to connect them and learn to temper yourself because your own misconceptions will make you as scared as hell if you are unable to maintain your own true intuition. They are "within" but they will appear as outsider forces until you figure out how to balance out your own internalization. Your mind is similar to my own when I was in my early academic years but more refined. My life started to get shit back then and I didn't have enough time to engross myself in my spiritual studies so I used my spiritual powers as a stop gap measure for mundane pursuits so I can be "done with them". Because of this my way of magic became crude but practical and my intuition had no choice but to chime in as much as possible. Some people will need a nudge to awaken and while I think it would be interesting continuing an academy level discourse about this whole matter to find your blindspots seems like your flame is finally getting impatient. You just need a push into a direction that will make you fall of from this current "scholarly highhorse" or I am not even sure how to describe it tbh. Your mind is clear. Might be too clear. Almost as sterile. Good for theoretical approaches but not strong enough to draw on real power. For real power you will need the spirit the dirt the flame the mud then the seeds of life and ultimately your own true. The reason of WHY and an answer that will convince God within and without. I remember when I had to beat my shadow who had every tool in his disposal that I developed so far because we got into an argument about my approach towards magic. He had my fearbound conclusion that mundane stability first magic as a hobby/interest max but nothing more. Realized he had every of my abilities that I developed so far. He didn't had those that I didn't develop tho. And that is where paradigm shift happens and revolution starts when you realize that you need to start using everything that you didn't realize yet but not forget to use everything else as a fuel. Ofc that meant I literally burned all my fallback mechanism and all my hidden mental and emotional issue containers broke open which I turned into fire and fertilizer. The hardest part was realizing the control after that because it was as you described. Remembering what it was to be born and being a baby then reattain myself again. And not clutching and tensing my own energies on illusions of control. Feels like you are nearing a rock bottom btw. Now get ready to break that rock. Then the volcano erupts and the mountain will rise. There is always a higher truth and mastery always has an infinite depth. Don't chase a cloud in the sky as an illusion of "mastery". Finding the inner passion and the true reason is hard I know. My problem is that you are doing everything "right" like a good student in elementary school and that doesn't grant them "survival instincts" so once they are out of school they will be pushovers in workplace. The efficient drones commanded by louder retard middle managers. Somehow you will have to break out but not get scared the first moment someone calls "security". It feels like you are close to an understanding breakthrough but you focus is not "piercing" enough. For some reason I think you will just fall down someday and suddenly have an eureka moment but I am not sure. I didn't do drugs so I don't know how easy it is to shift back into that mindset. I just casually fused my own madness with vampirism and Shaivism then the gates of heaven broke open. Takes effort to stabilize it for sure. Being in the perfect mindset is like being in an ever present endless ocean and having an awareness of Buddha like being in deep trance. And this is merely a stop gap measure until things appear as they should. I am still not pleased with my answer because I feel like I should say something else that will crack the core issue but this post is already too long and I should meditate because I attained an another mental framework in the past week and it's still not stable enough.

>>1060 Maybe “power” is the wrong word. I already have the “power” to fly – I can just buy an airplane ticket. That is the most natural manifestation of this ability, given the current environment. But, there’s an obvious difference between flying on an airplane and floating off the ground, even if the spirit behind the two are similar. One of the difference is “genre”. So the desired result could be framed as a “genre shift” (Why is this desirable? Because if the “narrative aesthetic” matches the aesthetic of one’s personal alchemy, results are a lot more straightforward and easier to analyze, predict, and utilize. No need to go through the process of conducting a symbolic analysis of every event). This ease of utilization is one of the major problems I have with my practice. If I do a spell, I want to know exactly what it’s going to do. Some of the operations I use work like this – food purification and energy work mostly. But for the other “results-based magic” all I have as a guarantee is what spirit the energy of the end effect is going to have. That’s difficult to work with in a reliable way. There’s also a difference in where the power comes from – what spirits you’re exercising power over. Manipulation of economic egregores and societal function in one case and spirits of “elemental air” (Maybe? If you go by Bardon’s description of levitation) in the other. The basic transmission of intent and desire is probably the same for both but the latter manifestation seems more direct and straightforward. >where you could convince your lowest and highest selves that what you want is NEEDED AND NECESSARY NO MATTER WHAT I believe is the crux of it. This desire was part of my nucleus but my nucleus was annihilated and thus it was proven that it was mortal and not worthy to “act as a god”. Anything that’s not immortal is not a god, the divine must be immutable. >>1061 >You will have to decentralize. Probably… I will need to think on this. A godform acting as a “disembodied pattern” rather than a particle. You can’t destroy a pattern, you can only destroy its manifestation. And then if it turns into a fractal, it’s hard to even do that. >>1060 >"demonstrating mastery". To who? I need to fully explore all the possible applications of power so that I know what I’m capable of. If I am unable to do something, I need to be able to understand why exactly I can’t do it, and what would need to change in order for it to be possible. This is to be done through experimentation and the collection of empirical evidence. I don’t think it’s possible to have faith in something that you’ve never actually experienced firsthand. Birds can fly but a bird that’s never flown before in its life is going to have a bad time if you toss it off a building. You need experience. Experience is another issue. The sort of results-based operations I conduct regularly simply don’t give enough “experience points” to “level up” any more, so to speak. Which is why I went to the drugs – which did give me a lot of EXP and let me level up, but this ties back again to the genre-of-power issue, I don’t want drugs to be the only option I have for “EXP farming”. It seems immensely difficult to get into any real danger with this paradigm we’re in right now. Like you said, you need to ‘get dirt in the flame’, but I’m not sure how to do that within the current realm of mundane possibility. A month ago I even tried doing some scrying to find any interesting spirits in my town, I walked to the location indicated and it turned out to just be some benign manatee-looking water spirit living in a strange grass pattern near a greenhouse. Kind of interesting, but nothing really noteworthy. I suppose I could try a spell to cause havoc around myself now that I’m thinking about it. Although I think last time I did that it just caused some stressful issues with my job. ... Actually, after I wrote that it made me aware that maybe I do have some kind of “protective bubble” thoughtform around me preventing challenging situations from arising. I’ll probably have to analyze this a bit more.

Around 2000, most of the angels overseeing the relationship between humanity and nature began to abandon the Earth and mankind was left with the spirits and the demons. This was our cue to start taking charge spiritually of the relationship between this side and the other side. Around 2020, most of the demons overseeing the relationship between humanity and the societal structures of control ("the cabal") began to abandon Earth, leaving us again, with the spirits and with the human remnants of these power structures. We have failed at every turn to take charge for creation as is our divine right and responsibility. The spirit world is a mess, and so is the human world. There were the good timeline and the bad timeline, and we are on the stupid timeline.

>>1065 Sometimes it's good to be a bit stupid. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMhwddNQSWQ

>>1064 >I already have the “power” to fly – I can just buy an airplane ticket I truly like talking to you tbh. You really remind me about my intelligent but magically inexperienced or less insane part of my life. Did you watch Ishuzoku Reviewers? The whole manga/anime was about fucking monster girls but when they talked about magic it was spot on. The demon lord loli was aware of the modern human world so was the archmage of that world. The demon lord said how nice it would be to have a plane and fly on it. The archmage said if they would ever try to fly on it it would explode. They could fly on their own or teleport but they could never sit on a "mechanical carriage" because the presence of individuals with differing potentials warp reality itself therefore technology needs to be either supercomplex or superprimitive to accommodate energetically diverse beings. I am only saying this because there are "ways" into the other realms but for that you will have to develop your body to a stage it is "accepted" and it's capable of not dying while entering or trespassing. >there’s an obvious difference between flying on an airplane and floating off the ground Yeah because I can sit on my ass and listen to music and eat airplane food *Seinfeld laugh* instead of being an undisturbed hyperfocus trance state so I can cross a large distance. We have it too easy tbh. >even if the spirit behind the two are similar No? Airplanes have kerosene and work via generating internal explosion and use the basic laws of the physics instead of the laws of the spirit. While yes both are in air but there are different elemental and law bound forces at play. >So the desired result could be framed as a “genre shift” Oh okay this is nice and well put and I too have this. The problem is that the "genre wish" might be a same as wanting to be "in love" the same as it's in romantic books or extremely hardcore porn. It creates false expectations thus limiting you to reach it by instinct because you chase an illusion. No need to worry even I have that. I am still attached to lewd drawings and other things while I could do astral acrobatics with a myriad of spiritual waifus or use my manifestation powers or psychic homing skills to find a woman but I know that the only reason I want a gf is because I don't have one. The moment I get one I would realize I want to go meditate and do some other work instead. I know that my "desire" is still incomplete and as long as I hesitate and have doubts it will lead to mixed results Also I will stop using examples of relationship because in the last months I was trying to work with the Lovers Tarot so I can balance the inner male female aspects in a harmonious way and if I don't stop having this "lovesick" emotion I know my guides will have enough and cast a retarded harem MC spell on me. Invoking the lover aspect makes you tingle the psyche of 90% females in your vicinity no matter how you look and what you say. I am almost thankful for porn and videogames that it didn't make me waste my efforts on the other (in the flesh) sex but damm. Balancing the lower and higher energies truly require a realization of "love" and when I larp it out with spirit waifus I get the deepest TFW NO GF ever. Even tho they are there. It's just carnal desires are more different with them. And my lower desires are still imbalanced. I do tantric energy work with them and it just makes me super horny in the wrong way. >If I do a spell, I want to know exactly what it’s going to do Huuh. Yeah... For that you need extreme amount of practice with awareness and a perfect clairvoyant intuition. Like remeber God and how the fallen angels rebelled or how Jesus fucked up? True sages sit in a solitary mountain or with a close knit community for a reason. The more chaotic situation you get into the more variables arise and in the end you will have to realize there is always a "it's meant to be" or "it was a will of God" and the importance of Fate. There are just too many elements and variables at play. I am not saying that it's "impossible" to know these things because you will "know" once you get the hang of it but you know the Dunning-Kruger. The mount of stupid and the confidence and learning curve will take a while you regain a confidence then you will probably fall of that mountain once again until you figure out the way of intuitive leaps. The constant results the constant flows but that has an annoying side effect that you realize that reality is just a mere dream and you should stop wasting your powers on frivolous shit. Imagine transmuting your holy spirit into "money" that you can earn with selling drugs and offering blowjobs. That makes money your "God". If you cast a love spell is it for sex or for true love? Will you change your psyche into carnal desire or for love? But is it truly love if you had to manipulate someone to love you? Magic for "success"? What is success? Most people are the victims of their own success. They spend it on booze drugs and a hedonistic lifestyle that will just grant them ailments in the end because they forgot their harmony and became slaves to the material. Not to mention the more successful you are the more people you have to deal with because the increased attention. For fame and praise? That is also success when others clap and congratulate you. That just feeds your ego. You didn't "earn" it it was your magic that did it. You achieved results via manipulating the illusory nature of reality so you can be "clapped" by other illusions. What will happen if they start to hate and criticize you? Will you brainwash them or kill them for their defiance? That is also power. Do you want to be like the demon tyrants the hindu gods had to slay for abusing their powers over humans? I am not saying that all these things are "meaningless" because our spirit "needs it" to some degree but never drown or blind yourself with these things or truth will evade you. I know that damm too well. I thought in my teens that farming has the only problem that it's dependent on the weather. So I learned to control the weather. Then it turned out the political parties were killing the farmers so I learned to change the political climate so they care about farmers again. Then I realized that the problem is that the employees we have are dumb and unruly as hell so I learned how to shape the personality of others into productive beings... then my dad fell into absolute alcoholic despair which was hard but also doable mending for a while... Then I went to university where I had to shift my focus for studying because I didn't go into the shittiest university and once my energetic egregoric energies were gone from home everything collapsed behind my back. IT MADE ME SO MAD THAT I AM NEARING A CAPABILITIES OF A GOD AND FOR A SOLE REASON TO MAINTAIN A FAMILY FARM AND WHENEVER I FIX SOMETHING OTHER THINGS FUCK UP. Was it my fault? Nope those problems existed from the start I was simply not aware of them. My wisdom level was too low to handle it and as I went forward and forward and became a being full of hate and misery all my energy centers hardened and I had no choice but to burn all of them because my "results" barely made a "difference". Ofc it made a difference and several things had a "chance" on the long run but because I was using planetary magic too the planets had way too much influence over my "fate". Also I made a "false God" without noticing and I had to slay that because it was sapping my energies via zombie saints. Or maybe I didn't make it but just shaped energies into it. I destroyed too many things that obstructed my awakening so I am less sure what was what anymore

>>1070 There will be the point where you reach a sense of invincibility and intuitive almost "all knowingness". Now at that part you need truly experience a journey in the physical to find your own blindspots because as long as we have power we think everything is possible and we forget the real power of subtlety. Or you become a hermit autismo that hones his extremely special craft till he reaches heavens and beyond. There is a reason why mages stay in their mage tower... And do you know what the tower tarot represents right? >If you go by Bardon’s description I always think about Bardon... He had problems with Weimar then with the Nazis... then when he finally got rid of them Commies overtook his country. And he died in prison from pancreatitis which usually happens if you are too stressful energetically and it makes the organs in the solar plexus explode. He died in a prison because some energetic madness overtook him. I looked into that time period. The spirits of Silesia were in turmoil. They are quite industrious and proud spirits. What happened to Silesia was a mess politically and spiritually. No wonder even Bardon had problems with it. But I am no Bardonist. Some day I want to read through his works and rumors fully and thoroughly because I barely skimmed IIH because I disagree with some of his methods but I should pay my respects sometimes. He had as much influence of western esotericism as Crowley if not more. >The basic transmission of intent and desire is probably the same for both but the latter manifestation seems more direct and straightforward. The spirits Bardon worked with were smart and practical. Not all spirits are like that. Some of them are real "dumb" in humane intelligence terms and whimsical. You have to play with their "emotions"/nature first so they fall in "love" with you of sorts. I had to help my own dwarfs or gnomes to open up energetic pathways in my vicinity so their authority can resurrect while the Silesian spirits had an already working pathway system when I looked at them. You will have to explore and work with your own spirits. >but my nucleus was annihilated and thus it was proven that it was mortal and not worthy to “act as a god”. Anything that’s not immortal is not a god, the divine must be immutable Yupp this false ego trappedness needs to go no matter what. Even I had to learn it and I thought I died several times during the process. >A godform acting as a “disembodied pattern” rather than a particle God is everywhere. I had to take lessons in omnipresence because I let my energies run amok get stuck and I felt I am "dying" because I displaced my vital energies so I asked Vishnu real fast HOW DOES OMNIPRESENCE WORK SO I CAN RETAIN MY ENERGIES. While in Christianity we have 1 Omnipresent/potent God in Hinduism there are several so I had to understand the "Nature" of that because we have this misconception that only 1 God can be omnipotent. If there are 2 then they must hate each other. For some reason we cannot accept coexistence and harmony in our Kali Yuga programmed retardation. >This is to be done through experimentation and the collection of empirical evidence Can you eat shit? Can you grant me empirical evidence of it? You have the capabilities but probably not the willingness rith? Why would you do that that is not "normal". Remember when Crowley ate shit? Would you eat shit to prove you are powerful enough to eat it? You think eating shit does not signify power nor grants it. What if you could gain power from eating shit? Would you eat it? Even if others think you are a disgusting worm for it? What if their disgust generates enough energy to make a spell work? What if it was non other than that but merely breaking an inner barrier within you? Shit is a fertilizer and there are several mesoamerican and hindu traditions about ritual shit. We talked about setting ourselves on fire and breaking fingers. Would you eat shit as an experiment to know if it grants power? It probably wouldn't rith? Why even bother. What if a demon tells you it grants power and it is required for the ritual? Would you do it? Or if God told you do it or you and everyone dies around you? What if you tried eating shit before and you almost died from a disease but some force told you you need to do it again or the spell will fail? Taboos hold great power but breaking taboos is not the "goal" the goal is finding the way energy flows and circulates. If you gain energy and cannot invest or use it the right way it will cause more problems than worth. Just because some thing works once and the mechanism that made it work broke or is not present anymore it does not mean it won't work again. Miracles are miracles until you don't see the mechanism. After that it's boring structural integrity and metaphysical politics. Your "sense of wonder" will change quite a lot in all directions. Especially once you see what tarnation humans cause themselves all the time. >I don’t think it’s possible to have faith in something that you’ve never actually experienced firsthand I just get the "hang of things" and do them. But I hate it because I have to become "someone else" if the activity does not resonate with my own desires and keep an active focus a zone. Which causes a sort if imbalance and I fall into lethargy because I am "straying from myself" of sorts. >Birds can fly but a bird that’s never flown before in its life is going to have a bad time if you toss it off a building. Do you know how swallows learn to fly? Their parents toss them out of the nest when the time is right. Why? Because they are migratory birds and if they are unable to make the migration between Europe and Africa at the end of autumn they are dead. So they can decide to "live" and fly on that spot then build flying endurance/experience in the coming months or die. If their parents don't toss them out at the right time then they will become more dependent and die. A Swallow that does not "know" to fly by instinct is not swallow. This is how it is with animals. Small kittens walking down the first time from a ceiling fall but as they try to hang into anything their claws instantly come out and before they realize that they are falling they are already hanging onto something or they reposition fast to fall on their legs (or they die). Humans also learn "swimming" like this because as a baby you knew how to swim but you forget while growing up. I remember how in kindergarten we had swimming classes but the teachers were so uncaring I never learned it and when my cousin explained it once I figured out why I was shit at swimming and floating. Teachers nowadays don't bother "teaching". For most of them this is just a wageslave job that they want to finish and get paid. Very few cares about the future of their students. I truly liked them that had passion for teaching and not in an intellectually masturbatory professor way where they are so far in their own ass not even they understand their own classes and they totally not care if their students will become productive members of society or not. Usually those professors taught the best who had actual jobs in the profession besides teaching. >You need experience Yes but you need a paradigm shift and intuition most and not experience now. >why I went to the drugs – which did give me a lot of EXP and let me level up It gave you a perspective change. That is what you need but the problem is that too many perspective change makes you insane and ungrounded in reality and you forget them to get back on your feet. This is why balance is necessary. Learning to gain perspectives and insights in a balanced way.

>>1064 >I don’t want drugs to be the only option I have for “EXP farming”. Yes it's not sustainable and generates more weakspots than insights on the long run. It confuses your energetic and physical meridians and you will have hard time unfucking it. The subtle body is complex and hard to grasp without seeing it. Way too unique for everyone and not even the chinese medicine diagrams can covey all but they are useful as a conceptual grounding. I should get back reading them. >you need to ‘get dirt in the flame’, Yeah but one with much much coal in it :) >but I’m not sure how to do that within the current realm of mundane possibility Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... You are not in the mundane realm of possibility for quite the long while you know right? I am trying to figure out why you are so entrapped. Besides conformity and intellectual routines are keeping you in a loop. It's like you are in a grand and old mansion but you live solely in your garage of sorts because you don't know if you break the walls you might attain an another place entirely but think you will just destroy your own home. Which is true. You will destroy your own clean and well kept home because the old mansion is abandoned and cluttered with broken windows and holes on the ground. The garage is more comfortable and clean with all the things you love within. You will have to go and clean and repair that mansion. But do you want more work for yourself? Work to cause more work? I hope you feel why your instincts are keeping you away from this. >turned out to just be some benign manatee-looking water spirit living in a strange grass pattern near a greenhouse Yeah most spirits live on an another layer and until you become a psychic beacon of energy and welcoming benevolent being that is "fun" to work with you will just find the "exhibitionist" weirdo spirits that barely do much harm. Most spirits fear humans especially weak and willy ones. We are too noisy too unpredictable too full of ourselves. We build and demolish buildings and nature under a moments notice. An elephant stampede is more predictable than humans nowadays. They live on other layers and until you can (b)reach them it's hard to find them. >... Yeah. This is why talking these things out is a great treasure. Others will make us use our own thinking patterns in a different form and we just realize our blindspots. >I do have some kind of “protective bubble” thoughtform around me Yeah I sorta explained it with the garage of the (hidden) mansion but that protective bubble is your sort of "influence" which you share with your HGA or higher self or I don't even know how to describe your own version. Srsly. Your presence is clear. Not overtly powerful but clean. Resonates a sort of diligence but not a groundbreaking one like a shaolin master. What you will require is find a consensus/connection point with your higher self and expand in a way your life does not collapse. Mundanes and society are dirty. Their influence is barely touching you. Somehow you are able to operate via the "clean channels" only. But they are as wide as mouse tunnels. K enough looking into you my energy field is not stable enough. Seems like there is something in your life that is hard to "comprehend" in my current ego view and my energies are signifying that I am not stable enough for a deep dive. Not to mention I am sure you will figure this out. You are everything but retarded. You just have to switch the angle of your perception a little and a new understanding will present itself. Some entity is watching over you it seems. I hate looking into other occultists because their "friends" notice me especially if the occultist did notice them first. They just see me as a tunnel of light and pass through. It's like a swamp entity that murmurs as it tries to communicate but my mind is not compatible with it. Urgh. This is what happens when I stray from the academic discourse level and mix it with magic. >>1008 >‘receive knowledge about the truth of reality’ (aka the red pill) Wanted to write about how Neo did not receive the truth of reality with the redpill just the fact he is in an illusory realm he found his own powers on his own and that the other "redpill takers" did not manage to reach his truth at all and Neo only realized it after dying and understanding how fake everything is and point out several other important realizations in that movie that are easy to miss as long as you are programmed to ignore it but my post is too long already. That trilogy (+1) shaped the view of mainstream metaphysics so much but if you apply in a superficial view you just generate misconceptions that entrap you further. I really liked how the Oracle said he is not The One because he was not until he died and if he thinks He is the one without finding his powers he dies for real even tho he had a way bending the spoon. The "redpill" only allowed him to get past the illusions into the archonic reality and go into the other "false realms" where he was able to download skills and other things but his true power came without the help of the archonic reality or his "redpilled friends". Only the Oracle knew what she had to say so Neo makes it but she could say only so much so Neo finds the truth on his own. My favorite is still Mr Smith and even tho he is called Neo by others already he calls him Mr Anderson thus reminding him his old self all the time. Not to mention Neo freeing him thus turning him into the ultimate shadow that can merge with all the shadows of that prison. But the shadow has only shadow knowledge thus cannot develop further the abilities of the host he "steals" from. And even the Architect feared a devi(l)ation which was created by the One himself because only he can defuse it. Neo just returned a part of himself into his own being that he put into smith without realizing. The 2nd and 3rd movies were a simple "retrace of the path" so Neo can unfuck a simple mistake he did at the start of his awakening. While the 4th movie was the entrappment of the remade false ego. That was as painful to watch as it was probably painful to make for the Wachowski trannies. I really liked that part too where the Architect maps up all choices Neo can make and he makes an another one because the demiurge can only "read" thought patterns that are within your "Local" mind and not the creative ones. Entities have hard time fighting entities that either fight without thinking aka ultra instinct or in an true intuition way because then they are on a "plot armor" level. Wonder if I should rewatch that movie again. I have seen the trilogy only once so I probably forgot many parts already. Damm I became Sir Writesalot again. Hope at least it gave some useful perspectives.

>>1070 >>1071 >>1072 >Fringe - we build walls

>>1065 >Around 2000, most of the angels overseeing the relationship between humanity and nature began to abandon the Earth What makes you think it was 2000? >was left with the spirits and the demons What continent is this again? >This was our cue to start taking charge spiritually of the relationship between this side and the other side Lol no. The humans who don't have a connection with the spirit world die out. Earth requires a specific level of awakened humans or it is unable to function. People really like that 144.000 number but I am not sure if the number is this specific. Especially because the awakening levels differ. You can be aware of like 2 house spirits or govern 3+ continents too the same way if your mastery is high enough. >Around 2020, most of the demons overseeing the relationship between humanity and the societal structures of control ("the cabal") began to abandon Earth, leaving us again >began Yeah they totally did by their own "good will" right? When will them finish what they "began" I wonder >with the spirits and with the human remnants of these power structures Yeah I have enough angels and demons around so I am not sure what you are seeing. "Human remnants". What do you consider "Human" and "remnants" btw. I am really curious. >We have failed at every turn to take charge for creation as is our divine right and responsibility Sounds like a (You) problem tbqhfamalam >The spirit world is a mess Mine are shaping up. Also it looked worse 100 years ago when industrialization was in full force. >and so is the human world Kali Yuga is like that >There were the good timeline and the bad timeline Damm must be nice seeing only 2 timelines. What happened on those if I might ask? Asking for a reference and so I can look into it what made them so "good" or "bad" >we are on the stupid timeline Hard to argue with this but what do you consider smart? >>1073 >omg he longposted in the blog thread??? someone call the police! But yeah wish I made proper instructive effort posts like in the old times instead of this weird creative writing of mine. Hope I get my inspiration flowing for that once Or I take a break and start posting 1 liners at max for a month and meditate instead.

>>1070 > with spirit waifus I get the deepest TFW NO GF ever. Even tho they are there You need to see the true nature of menstruators manifested in a single scene. After that you won't have such problems. Too many /incels/ are like that online traplover who went to a crossdressing gay and paid to get raped by him. Only then did he realize he wasn't into traps. Once you try the real thing in its full glory with no hesitation you may have a wake up moment. For many this never happens because they move too slowly and think >it's just this woman >next time I won't mess up and they cope by shouting "have sex incel" when called out on their BS.

>>1076 >You need to see the true nature of menstruators manifested in a single scene I am seeing it. There is a reason why I am "alone". Also as I said I can look them up if I want and I can search for ones with psychic potential or with magical background from basic asrology to some witch covens/yoga studios. It's just there is no real desire within me besides baseline sexual frustration. I remember when a demon from my dream came to me after waking up and told me >bro you have simple sexual frustration problems I can help you with that you just need to learn to chiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllll Then we looked at the sacral chakra and a little shadowy figure similar to this wojak but no white parts instead a singular eye and teeth was walking around my lower meridians The demon asked >WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT I told him my: It's a shadowy boy? He started to scream in pain. I shifted into his mind to see wtf is his problem and it seems it invades the mind of demons through their 3rd eye. I am not bothered by dudebro demons since that :/ Some years ago I paid a succubus a large sum of energy so she has sex with me and she was glowing with golden light and was hesitating. I asked her what is the problem. She told me >You are a violent aggressive male that is unable to be raped Made me wonder because before that entities could do that if they really wanted it. It turned out my shadow issue auto murdered invaders out of pure sexual frustration. TEEHEE >After that you won't have such problems I already don't "have" these problems. My problems "arise" because I have to balance out my sexual energies so I flush out my murderous energies. They stay dormant if I block them but the goal is to make unabated circulation in a way it is not wasted on low level desires. And wanting to procreate is better than wanting to murder everyone which abates after you calm down. I don't desire sex my body requires a proper energy work that is "similar" to fulfilling sex but that is not what I require long term >Once you try the real thing in its full glory with no hesitation you may have a wake up moment You underestimate "awakening". You can be disgusted and feel to be "raped" or besmirched or seek a darker calling in the whole situation and attain a filthy pleasure. And the goal is to go through the "filth" but don't get "touched" by it. If I wanted high energy high filth giga orgy I could summon the strongest brain washing demons to give me an experience that will resonate me for lifetimes but that is not what I want so they get pushed away if a single moment of hesitation appears. And I am large. No "muscle mommy" will force me down. The Spiderqueen was the closest overtaking me but then she noticed an influence in my aura that made her flee and take off all the influence and marks she placed over me in her haste to "claim" and guide a promising occultist. I have "friends" that have eyes upon me. Quite a lot. If I truly required a partner they would grant me. Even if I asked for one. This is my problem. I am refusing to do it. No willingness just an inner fight until equilibrium arises. As weird it sounds it also serves as a grounding force because it's "mundanity" pulls me down from my high horse. Imagine getting brainwashed by wet dreams because you are that used to them. No one will take those parts of my mind that appear after being with low level lowers. Impersonating my family or friends is something entities try to avoid for a reason. Just a little distrust just a hate just a single moment where you "snap" when someone steps out of line. You hold back because they are family they are friends. Oh it's an invader in my dreamspace? Without the signature of my higher guides? Not even doom music can describe what happens next Also feminists are not people. They are even considered the same way as "incels" in my country. Our population is not as brainwashed as the average westerner but that doesn't mean I want to waste half hearted efforts on most of them. I know I can do it if I want it's just I don't want it. I require the energies that get generated in these "acts" but they have to get balanced in a way I am not creating psychic anomalies that demons fear and makes mundanes sick the moment they make me pissed. As above so below. If I have lower issues they will appear in higher forms too. I cut away my sexual energies once and it just siphoned my potential instead of doing the magical nofap anomaly those cultist envision. My problem is a specific kind of frustration that does not come from tfw no gf. It would alleviate parts of it so I can access the deeper parts but it is not required. It would just "break" an illusion as you said. But for me that illusion is a sort of feeling and a sort of dark desire evaporating with. This frustration did not start with this life Also was this really the only thing you could reply to? In that entire wall of text? Not to mention I can "besmirch" my spirit waifus via giving them carnal energies so they can manifest as life force manipulators for these lowly energies but ultimately that is not what I want. This is a sort of hesitation and mental miswiring on my own part

>>1078 >low level lowers I meant lovers lol 10/10 Freudian slip subconscious

>>1078 > was this really the only thing you could reply to? In that entire wall of text? Yet you turned one brick into a wall of itself. Do you really want to go there?

>>1081 >Do you really want to go there? Want? Nope. Was wondering if I am being checked or the "shadowy boy" is acting up o nit's own and now I found an issue system from the violent clenching I felt. I went there without wanting to go there it seems. This will be more than a wall. A fun maze it seems.

>>1078 > Spiderqueen was the closest overtaking me but then she noticed an influence in my aura that made her flee and take off all the influence and marks she placed over me in her haste to "claim" and guide a promising occultist She is very far away and can't touch most people with any firm grip at all. For her to even get close to me her underlings have to lay out a bridge of granite planks from below. Trying to attach someone to guide them and their energy is like a mushroom made from katanas may risk harming her minions who are upholding the connection. It's not a weakness within her herself. Many powerful beings are limited to their own domain and what we see of the workings is done through others. Their influence is carried out through others, and those may not be immortals. In the long run the ruler rules, but they need to mind their people's wellbeing in the process.

Also as for "rape" its essence is the pure desire fulfilment as overruling laws and order, it is the principle of uncompromising fulfilment in itself. It has been painted as a bad thing by those weaklings who can only thrive when oppressed by law and order. It is not about sex originally, but just pure passion.

>>1083 >She is very far away Distance is not a real issue for her >can't touch most people with any firm grip at all As if. That was one of the strongest grip I felt on that part on my path. Especially one coming from "pure interest" and a sort of feeling of "mine" like a woman trying to nab a cheap clothing before other women claim it >For her to even get close to me her underlings have to lay out a bridge of granite planks from below Yeah she kinda showed me how I can fold dimesional space so I can visit her operational webs dimensional layers so I don't need "planks" it's just she cannot overtake me the same way as... others. She sent Noel because I could grant him sacred lines so she can guide him better but for that I had to accept him as my student and whenever I talk to the spiderqueen he appears on the board with a dumb ass request and I like how the Spiderqueen reminds me that she is "always watching" but it's hella annoying because I told her I will only grant Noel the sacred lines if SHE TAKES CARE OF HIM because at my current level I am refusing to become a master of lost souls especially on other continents. She literally flicked a switch in my hesitant mind that made me angry enough to grant the sacred lines and so I can be "done with it" >It's not a weakness within her herself Weakness? I told you SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE SO FAR. Anything but "weak". >Their influence is carried out through others, and those may not be immortals Yeah Fateweavers are like that. >>1084 >Also as for "rape" its essence Rape is anger/impatience and lust mixed in manifested in a painful way >pure desire fulfilment as overruling laws and order I consider that defiance and not rape >it is the principle of uncompromising fulfilment in itself And I consider that absolutism >It has been painted as a bad thing by those weaklings who can only thrive when oppressed by law and order I kinda share this sentiment >It is not about sex originally, but just pure passion I had sex with a demon girl once and the demon lord of the realm came and grabbed the girl because she acted upon lust. I asked him wasn't me the one doing that? He told me I was acting upon pure passion so I did not sin but she was anything but "worthy" of her craft. That was also annoying. Also Dullahan best girl in MonMusu Arachne next Mia and Su tied for the third place

>>1085 >because she acted upon lust. Rape which is passion expressed is the only correct form of sex anyway, aside from ritual. Legal sex is to be avoided because it feeds the legal system rather than our own inner workings. It is a materialist ritual in itself and as such degenerate. >but we need laws to prevent rape Yeah that's how it feeds itself, that's circular reasoning. It is the same as >the "legal system" egregore must be fed with sexual energy adhering to its principles or it will die It is a parasite.

>>1087 Whenever you present your "demon thinking" I have to realize I also have to switch gears >Rape which is passion expressed is the only correct form of sex anyway When demons mean "rape" they mean that "Both partners penetrate the chakras of each other". And not exactly the human "chasing and dry raping someone who is trying to run from you because you cannot nor willing to contain yourself". >Legal sex is to be avoided Okay the one where they require written consent with lawyers present from both parties are retarded as hell and that is anything but "legal" because no law requires it and also granting the church or the state the authority so they can make "official pairs" is also retarded because people should find their own way of true bonding but nowadays it's anything but healthy. Also that they can break that bonding aka divorce thus proving that the "law" and authority was anything but law >feeds the legal system rather than our own inner workings Yeah I cannot argue with this. The lover tarot has a 3rd person present who should "bless" the union. Turning that into a materialistic parasite is not the way >but we need laws to prevent rape That's not how "laws" work. Laws and law enforcement PUNISHES rape (allegations mostly) and does not "prevent" it. Overregulation does not "prevent" crime just makes people confused and frustrated who try to proceed orderly because they don't know what is allowed which always leads into rebellion. Not to mention when there are always loopholes and judiciary mishaps takebacks and disregards from the system itself. Rebelling should mean something like breaking a stone wall and not like not drinking a pool of mud and trash with the other pigs Must be fun being in western countries where illegal migrants can rape and pillage with minor consequences while if a citizen cannot defend himself from an allegation he gets a decade in jail. Laws and legalism my ass. Feeding the legal system? That machine is bleeding to death. Just don't be in it's belly or you get devoured by the panicking parasites Also pic related classic mem. The pupils never lie.

>>1087 And this is my problem with current women. None of them managed to awaken an all consuming flame within myself where I would do anything to get them. I know where that leads. Meaningless sex will just remind me that I should have staid home masturbating. I cannot go into this simp mode where they worship women. They are not on worshippable levels. Can't even manage to worship my own female gods. Nor I feel lust towards them. This is the problem of my frustration. My passion cannot find a proper form to manifest as. Thus staying in lethargy then as it tries to break through it becomes frustration because of indecisiveness because of the poor options present. But guess I am considered as an "incel" as long as I am not punching physical women away with my bare fists who try to jump on me and rape me. It's ridiculous but you can "get" women you just need to show a willingness to enter their mindset. First they need to have something I am interested and not have an attitude where they show that everything I have is worthless weird or scary until I show a glimpse of true worth then suddenly they want everything. Yeah realized I cannot even consider myself as an incel. Once I hit it off with a woman I realize I have better things to do and just lose interest. I just let my own "demon mind" do the talking but once I feel their energies I go into a NAH then weeks later my biological processes need to urge me to do something with my libido. k great now I talked so much about it I feel obliged to solve this problem.

>>1088 It is by now just a charade of stupidity. >self-made child abuse material now make up 92% of all reports online Abuse by which religion, I thought we were now secular? Self-abuse is not a thing except in extreme feminist thought where the housewife has "internalized her oppression" and must be forcibly freed from it. Or MA-AYBE the feminist has internalized her oppression by careerist ideals and needs to be forcibly freed from those? Maybe religion is the way to go after all, freeing them from the evils they have internalized? We are now back at even playing grounds again. Right or wrong? Maybe you should just not internalize the self harm of modernism, feminism and degeneracy. Also, women stink, literally. They reek.

>>1070 You burned all of your energy centers? How did you get new ones?

>>1091 Actually I’m kinda desperate to know pretty soon since I think I lost my root chakra last night during a dark night of the soul; specifically, I was attacked, and I think the attacker was eventually dealt with, but I felt like I lost my root when the attack began and I haven’t been able to sleep since then and I’ve gradually been losing my grip, so to speak. My usual magic to get it back hasn’t been working all day and during that night, but I tried something some minutes ago and I’m not entirely sure if it worked. Could I get a reading about whether or not my root is missing just in case?

>>1092 Allright nevermind the reading; I figured out that my root was actually just so amazingly blocked that I couldn’t feel it at all, right after which I realized that I wasn’t able to feel it at the usual frequency because the frequency probably just changed, then I found my root with a sickly green color and completely blocked up with black stuff. I’ve just gotta do a buncha root work is all I guess.

>>1091 >You burned all of your energy centers? Okay you got me I burned "all" of them that I was aware back then. And I know some meridians are described that they are as wide as a lotus chalk and other things signifying that they are small subtle and narrow but they are not made of paper. "Burning" them means "burning out the trash". >How did you get new ones? Once you burn out the clogged and negative energies new energy can take it's place. Also I was kinda big on vampirism and atlantean soul smiths helped me and other entities like Shiva. With Shiva you can burn stuff as much as you want. I had too many benefactors let's say that. They like when humans awaken because they can reconnect to some aspects of earth instead of watching a bunch of monkeys throwing shit around with 0 sense or coordination. Not to mention my own higher forces reconnected. Explaining the "How" is kinda hard at this point. Magic you know... ain't gotta explain shit... Real hard to explain anyway. IT JUST WORKS >>1092 >Actually I’m kinda desperate to know pretty soon since I think I lost my root chakra last night during a dark night of the soul; specifically, I was attacked, and I think the attacker was eventually dealt with, but I felt like I lost my root when the attack began and I haven’t been able to sleep since then and I’ve gradually been losing my grip, so to speak. Lol. Yeah the chakra model is not exactly punctual and as your perception evolves you realize that it is merely a reference point but not the "real thing". The way the base energies of life and survival move and rise is more complicated. >My usual magic to get it back hasn’t been working all day I wonder what that is. >Could I get a reading about whether or not my root is missing just in case? Yeah seems like they took a thoughtform from you that you thought it's your "root chakra". Like how indigo pill thought how his nucleus is his own real center. Truth is the root chakra sigil and the mantras actually create a thought form there that concentrates the "root like" energies there so you can use it for specific yoga. I am not saying the root chakra "doesn't exist" I am saying it's more complicated and require quite the lot of pelvic muscle movement to make it rise further then other muscles be them physical subtle or energetic need training. Then other chakra formations that will work as a sort of railgun that establishes a sort of "Kundalini Awakening". When your entire spine is living magma and you generate psychic anomalies left and right you are close to that kundalini awakening. It overcharges your shadow so you need to watch over with that. But I don't think you are that reckless. >>1094 >I figured out that my root was actually just so amazingly blocked that I couldn’t feel it at all Yeah you are such a scaredy cat sometimes that it's no wonder. The root will grant you basic survival instinct while you are on earth. They will grant you basic magical self defense too. Scaredy cats are not harmless they are just not very confident in their claws yet :) >I wasn’t able to feel it at the usual frequency because the frequency probably just changed Yeah that can happen especially if you are not aware how you switch mindstates yet. >then I found my root with a sickly green color and completely blocked up with black stuff Interesting >I’ve just gotta do a buncha root work is all I guess Maybe. I too had breakthroughs considering the lower chakras and meridians yesterday night but I don't feel the spark to write that down now. My natural meridians got slightly "torn" and when they reconnect I unleash too much energy and now I have to learn to handle that. My guides have their hands full with me already no need to burden fringe the way I do things further. So weird that whenever I fix an internal issue people around me suddenly "evolve" with me and solve problems on their own. The way shared karma works sometimes can be baffling.

>>1105 >when your entire spine is living magma That’s a what-if, right? >my magic I’d rather no one mess with it by knowing how it works, at least at this stage

>>1108 >That’s a what-if, right? No when it is coiling living magma then you managed to awaken your life force in a way it can burn your impurities but according to some hard liners true kundalini is when you become a living god so I cannot say what is and isn't kundalini anymore. I would need to do more literary homework for that. In my breakthrough yesterday I had a dream where my guides made me sit in a cold pool of water so I can cool down. Never felt cold water in my dreams before. That dream was crazy before reaching that point. As I was sitting in the pool I noticed a plastic mermaid but I realized it's not real so I got bored of that then as I looked up from the water a larger and well developed women in an another pool next to me said >If you cool down you can come to me into the hot water I was in my childhood self so I realized that the cool water is really slow at cooling me down and without realizing I exited the room through a window and started to jump on rooftops in the cold wind and all I noticed that the woman was distressed that I "went out again" without anyone noticing. Seems like that shadowy boy served as a temporary plug for my fiery energies and I have to learn to slowly let go of him in a way I realize how to generate less heat by default. Or invoke the ice better? There are the flame like hot energies and the cold water ice like energies of the body too. They require balance. They operate and nourish different parts of the body. I should get back into chinese medicine again or into a deep meditation. This anon's >>1044 meridians form nicely. His intuition guides him well. Mine are a little torn because whenever I had a problem I could create stop gap measures to solve it so it never truly had a reason and time to heal fully on it's own. >I’d rather no one mess with it by knowing how it works, at least at this stage Was thinking if I should give some pointers because you seem extremely unsure how your own methods work but if you desire secrecy then keep it that way. At least I don't have to write down my own theories. For me secrecy is not a real problem because truth does not fear investigation but it's really TLDR and ever changing. Awakening is usually about realizing that your mental frameworks are just reference points and not the "real thing". Sometimes my guides tell me to google concepts that are well known in this world so I can ground my knowledge better but nowadays I should just calm down so I can cultivate my own awareness better

>>1110 I think I’ve fixed my root enough by now; now I’m having a problem where my awareness stays awake when I drift into hypnogogic imagery, and then that just jolts me out of it. >my spine is actually living magma I think I know exactly which event in my life made that happen, but I didn’t think it was a kundalini awakening or nothing since I’m cautiously pessimistic. I’m hesitant to talk about this, but I’ll face my fear and do it. About 11 months ago, I casted 2 spells to have a nice, not-bad not-wet dream with a tulpa made by the egregore of a famous female fictional character, whose egregore I’d befriended a few weeks prior, but I didn’t provide enough specifications for the magic; specifically, how the dreaming together would happen. When the spells went off, I’d suddenly felt a strong and undeniable white light around my crown, and then she entered my crown and with some hesitation on my end, she slowly went down to my root, and she entered my limbs too. She overloaded me with her energy, causing me to strongly and profoundly feel her presence in every fiber of my energetic anatomy. It predictably took a long time to fall asleep with her congesting my chakras, but we managed to dream together safely. That or the 2nd time a few days later was the happiest feeling I’d ever felt in my life. I actually didn’t have the hots for her before it happened, but a few days after it happened, she became my spirit gf, and we’re still together. If you ever decide to do this with a spirit, then know that very bad things will start to happen to both of you if you stay merged for over 24 hours, or you do it too often. You’ll also have to know how to safely remove the spirit from you afterwards. Speaking of which, we don’t merge often. I’ve given her tons of opportunities to stab me in the back since then, but she never did it even once. I’ve had the below-mentioned intrusive thought problems since long before we met. >my magic Oh fine; I’m kinda scared that someone else questioning it will fuck with how it works, but I’ll just face that fear too I guess. To do one of my methods, I mentally project to some kinda void that has a black, grey, or white ceiling that has some globs hanging from it. The ceiling has more of a connection to the all than other stuff has, at least seemingly. By pulling on one of the globs with one of my “awareness hands” as Robert Bruce would call it(seems that it’s always the right one lately), I charge the glob with my intentions, and then I release it, which ideally causes it to snap to and either hit or sink into the ceiling, which constitutes command-based instant reality creation. Because the ceiling is particularly associated with the all, the source of the magic’s power is the power of the all. However, I usually run into problems doing it, such as the glob detaching, or my awareness hands being prevented by intrusive thoughts from getting a sufficient grip, or not finding any globs, or a glob being compromised by something you’d probably call a bogeyman, or the elasticity ceasing to be while dictating the intentions, and/or most commonly, my intentions being compromised by intrusive thoughts.

>>1070 >>1071 >>1072 Alright I had to think about this for a while. The issue, I think, is causality. It will probably help to describe my spellcasting technique. I have two basic approaches. 1. Create a thoughtform/sigil (same thing), charged in the local physical environment, and ‘cast it out’ with the intent of bringing about the desired result. 2. Project my awareness to the target, and perform a modification on it directly by channeling energy into it or charging a thoughtform inside of it. Approach #1 has a problem in that it’s purely results-based. That is, it does not take into account the mechanism by which the end result is achieved, only the nature of the end result. Thus, it’s hard to work with reliably, since you don’t actually know what the spell is going to do, only the general nature of its effects in relation to you personally. Approach #2 is much more predictable, and it is the approach used in practices like energy work that have very predictable effects. Charging the stomach will make it contract almost all the time, and will get rid of gastrointestinal distress almost all the time, for instance. Moving energy to the frontal lobe will result in rapid eye spasms every time. Et cetera. So, it seems the solution to the issue of unpredictability is to simply move from approach #1 to approach #2. This also has a problem, though. I’m simply not able to achieve many results in a direct A+B=X fashion. Like if I need money. I cannot simply channel energy into a specific object to do something to transmute lead into gold. I need to rely on ‘cast out’ thoughtforms whose specific causal functions are a mystery. Haphazard, not good. So, why exactly can’t I turn lead into gold? How does magic work? Through hypnotizing aspects of reality, ‘persuading the spirits’ to do certain things. Why is the “energy” that I “channel” into objects able to “change their minds” about some things? Because it contains (represents) a higher Truth (or AUTHORITY) that they are ‘moved’ by. Where does this higher truth come from? Divinity, godforms. So: solution is to deepen my relationship with the godform-pattern that I utilize so that I am able to transmit it in a way that is more ‘moving’ to ‘the spirits’ and thus capable of altering thoughts which possess more inertia, such as physical attributes. The godform-pattern that I utilize. Tricky to explain. Throughout my practice there’s always been a sort of “black-and-white” motif that arises. Not yin and yang, more specific. Like meaning and nihilism. These are really the only two energies that I channel when doing workings; black energy for negative effects and white energy for positive effects. Maybe that’s not a godform but it’s the one unifying pattern I’ve been able to identify so I’m going with it. Anyway. You need the ‘backing of a divine force’ in order to make a convincing argument to the spirits. AKA you need to have Truth on your side, you need to have Authority. Clearly I have a bit since I’m able to make functional thoughforms with this Truth-energy, but I need more. Need ‘a relationship with god’. ‘Merging with god’? So. I decided to try vaporizing some DMT so that I could “look into the face” of this “black-and-white god” directly. It was strange, I had this intense fear before I started, as though I was about to shoot myself in the head. I tried inhaling the vapor, but it had a foul mothball taste and burnt my throat which made me start coughing. I was able to get enough for dissociative effects and visuals to just start, but as this happened I got the feeling that I was being “thrown into a gang of malicious fairies” rather than meeting any god. Maybe that was just my ego selfishly not wanting to die again, but I think it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t get enough for a full breakthrough. I’ll shelf this stuff for now. I had the notion that it just acted a key to ‘open the soul’, but now I’m starting to think that there really are specific ‘DMT spirits’ associated with it that would prevent it from being used as just a neutral tool like this. Maybe if I need another shot of spiritual chaos in the future it could be useful.

>>1074 Those “demons” and “angels” you have around you are “spirits” in the terminology used in my post. It’s just semantics.

Jesus Christ I had forgotten about this type of /fringe/ poster.

>>1116 Which type?

>>1113 >“look into the face” of this “black-and-white god” directly Realized that this is drifting back into particle-thinking. Need to meditate on "omnipresent Truth", so the god-pattern can be evoked from any arrangement of concepts.

>>1112 >someone else questioning it will fuck with how it works >but I’ll just face that fear too I guess Yeah have faith within yourself. Someone questioning your way shouldn't take it away. You losing confidence might hamper your ability but whenever you feel your ability is being dampened you have to observe the reason and influence what is messing with it. This is why talking these things out might help because if your faulty magic is losing effectiveness then it means you have to find it's inner truth ergo it grants you a chance to evolve it further. Shaky foundations need to be corrected. Have confidence but never be too reckless. >source of the magic’s power is the power of the all Yeah the ALL is everywhere therefore everything is magic >However, I usually run into problems doing it, such as the glob detaching, or my awareness hands being prevented by intrusive thoughts from getting a sufficient grip, or not finding any globs, or a glob being compromised by something you’d probably call a bogeyman, or the elasticity ceasing to be while dictating the intentions, and/or most commonly, my intentions being compromised by intrusive thoughts The pros of this ability/method is that you are interacting with your environment instead of trying to make anything work "from your head". You will have to learn to cleanse these blobs or at least observe it's nature first and "ask" it if it can generate or manifest the desired magic/outcome instead of force warping it no matter what. Applying the will upon magical matter is good but watch out to not mix with impure essences while doing so or it will just grant intrusive thoughts until your system flushes out that essence from you. Try to work with and observe these materias and see if their "nature" comes from outsider influences or by your own subconscious thoughts are manifesting through them. Try to find out the level of purity/nature and corruption they have and what causes it. Also I would advise talking about the environmental energies you have around with your spirit gf. She might have good ideas what is what and how you should handle these forces.

>>1113 >Charging the stomach will make it contract almost all the time Depends on the energies tbh. Some weeks ago I found out how energies flow in the lower meridians and I can make the energies make me hungry forever wanting to devour everything till the end or it makes my entire stomach contracted and it makes me nauseous as hell and eternally disgusted from all food... After finding this I realized I figured out a stomach reinforcing magic many years ago that makes me instinctively drawn towards foods that "blesses" my digestion so I never get food poisoning or other shitty ailments. And now that I am overcharging my energies I am making myself hungry and I have to let go of these energies instead of doing my usual NO YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY YOU FUCK food denial with hatred. I have to learn to tune my inner energies that govern hunger in a healthy way. Nowadays I have to watch for my proper food intake so I don't lose my own grounding via denying my own energies. Instead of acknowledging my hunger I just deny my ability to feel hunger and that makes my body even more mad. Had to learn how to connect to my lower muscles because it turns out strengthening via moving the abs and other pelvic muscles in the right way perfectly reboots the energy system. I am still working out what is what. What I wanted to say is that the effects change depending on the energy type and which part of the target you connect to. The energies and the channels they flow through matter a lot. I can make my stomach relaxed and contracted too depending on the energies. Sometimes during meditation I have to move around in a specific way a little because the energetic tension I felt down there was a mere burp of fart... not to mention sometimes they turn out to be energetic blobs because they shouldn't take up this much space. There is a reason why you shouldn't eat before specific meditation practices. >Moving energy to the frontal lobe will result in rapid eye spasms every time You mean eye twitching? The eye meridians are real sensitive and loading the wrong energies into them makes them twitch as hell. Hell my whole body twitches if my energies are distressed. For me that is a problem since my childhood because of the constantly cumulating stress. Ofc I learned how to turn of tinnitus headaches and slowly learn how to calm down my nerves but it all depends on the purity of your energies. Also the frontal lobe is quite "big". What you consider your frontal lobe might be some surface meridians because in the true depth of the frontal lobe rests the third eye and if you charge that with the wrong energies it hurts like hell. >Et cetera Do not oversimplify biomancy. If this was this simple chinese medicine would made us into immortals long ago. These energy movements and their effectiveness depends on our practice on our current level and the purity of the energies. Finding higher energies and applying it upon different parts of the body results in different outcomes. >simply move from approach #1 to approach #2 You need to connect them and not "move" from them. >direct A+B=X fashion A+B=AB You consider them distinct while the only real difference is that you don't limit your "thoughtform" with your "awareness". And by awareness I mean you don't put constraints upon the thoughtform the same way while you move with it. It's like not being able to pee while someone watching. (My current problem is that I have energies that are on the level of my childhood self and they run amok because they bereft of my "mundane restraint" therefore I have to reach a higher awareness based emotional maturity instead of the one I operate within the flesh body. The problem with my energies or "soul sparks" that they go too fast and not always able to bring back "memories" so I have no idea what they did because they were "having fun" like I had until my parents told me that "having fun is bad" then I became emotionally miserable and reclusive and decided to have fun in my own head so my parents don't yell at me for that... Finding out that I never attained "emotional maturity" because I gave up upon "fun" because "fun" is "immature" and "grownups" are "serious people" and "being serious" means "being miserable and angry" therefore I attained my working way via cultivating these energies and if they are not part of my "soul sparks" I have hard time following them. Now I am slowly working out this "limiting false ego" problem because somehow I convinced myself that "I am not myself if I am not miserable". If I shift into my higher mind these things don't limit me but if I am in my higher mind too much then I lose my grounding until I become miserable again... Awareness is the key then figuring out the correct energy for every type of workings. I didn't write this personal problem of mine to complain but to show how ridiculous it can get sometimes. I considered my emotions a limiting factor in my early teens so I tried to disregard it while experimenting with the psychopathic mindset because i liked the idea of iron focus and undisturbed clarity/effectiveness but I realized that psychopaths actually numb their mind then develop deep cravings that require overstimulation so they can attain something beyond/deeper than "happiness" that they disregarded long ago. The effectiveness they gain gets traded off by their insatiable cravings that they need to build a specific system so they can "reward themselves" before they snap. >Like if I need money. I cannot simply channel energy into a specific object Yeah you are doing it in the opposite way. First you realize the energy of money or wealth. Then you try to look for places or energy currents that HAVE money and then connect to it. This way you can use your built in divination to find money or business opportunities. >to do something to transmute lead into gold Yeah transmuting lead into gold will not grant you "Money" because you still need to sell that to a pawn shop or trade it for money. Transmuting something is like boiling water. You need water pot and enough heat to do that. It's an alchemical process. If I told you to boil water you would be able to do it right? You have the equipment and the knowhow. What if you were on the north pole with 0 equipment. How would you transmute water into steam? Lead to gold is EASY if you have the proper equipment but for that you need advanced 4th+ dimensional equipment and metallurgist entities that explain how to use them. Or ofc you merely cast an illusion upon it and don't do any "real transmutation" but merely fool others. Because the goal was money and not industrial transmutation. You can do that but it requires quite the high level of knowledge and awareness >rely on ‘cast out’ thoughtforms whose specific causal functions are a mystery. Haphazard, not good. Okay there is a way. Try to communicate with the thoughtform once "it's done" and ask the direction it traveled. Thoughtforms are like adventurers that got a quest and will attack and go through anything until it says "objective complete" they just follow an "Internal quest marker" then return once the "quest is done". They don't need to do more but you might be able to get a vision of their "memories". They might be not the same memories like the ones you have maybe just a smell or a feeling but might grant something.

>>1113 >How does magic work? By extremely specific or chaotic mechanisms. The more chaos something has the more variables are present the more "magic" you can do. If it's like a "specialist magic" or a method then you have no freedom because you have to follow an exact cookbook recipe. >Through hypnotizing aspects of reality Yeah but every materia has it's range. I might hypnotize you to be a chicken and you might quack and try your best to imitate a chicken but you will not grow feathers and lay eggs. But you might go and get me a chicken because you concluded that the only way I turn you aka gain a chicken by you going and getting me a chicken because otherwise you are unable to complete this quest. >‘persuading the spirits’ to do certain things Yes but there is a level of "persuasion". There are request you fulfill because they are possible while some are impossible until a workaround is found. I am hypnotizing you to be a chicken. Why I am doing that. Do I want a chicken or to humiliate you? If I want an ACTUAL CHICKEN then you deviate from my wish then you get me an actual chicken so I can eat it or something but if I just want to humiliate you then you will cover yourself with tar and feathers and put an egg into your butt or something so you can "lay it". The question is my original intention or what is the closest to it. You being covered in tar and a broken egg is not making you more appetizing than a chicken. Why did I want to turn you into a chicken? Awareness of our original energies is a requirement so we know why we do the magic at all. >able to “change their minds” about some things? This hypnotism is just an effect just a mere influence that gets worn off as time flies unless you completely break or modify the internal mechanism themselves. Some influence is like a thin coat of paint that falls off with time. >Where does this higher truth come from? Divinity, godforms Yeah but this is like saying food comes from the store. The question is WHICH STORE? There are different divinities and different authorities that deal with different matters on the physical mental astral magical and metaphysical planes of existence. IF you want to learn the higher art/craft you have to go to one and enter into a tutelage/guidance so they can teach you the tricks/way. Not to mention there is the lesson where they explain the mechanism and how you can modify it which is the "real way" or they just merely bless you with their adaptive authority/servitor that they let you command until you break it or fades away... or something in between or completely different. The arcane arts cannot be oversimplified. >solution is to deepen my relationship with the godform-pattern that I utilize Definitely >that is more ‘moving’ to ‘the spirits’ Try to ask the wish and capabilities of the spirits first pls... They are not always aware of their abilities so you have to figure out of their true nature first then apply a higher truth that they can manifest with your "help" but don't ask a pig to turn into an elephant. >possess more inertia, such as physical attributes Yeah but the question is if you want to change core properties or surface level illusions. Not to mention the "why". >Not yin and yang There are several yins and yangs. Even in the hermetic principles polarities and gender are different laws for a reason. There are major and minor yins and yangs. If I find a problem especially if it's energetical I have to figure out what is the "correct energy" that resolves it. I cannot bruteforce most things nowadays. This was my problem. I was able to solve things via bruteforce in the past thus had no need to develop my own nuance. >Like meaning and nihilism That's a good start. What grants nihilism or meaning. What is the meaning of nihilism? What grants meaning to you and what grants meaning to God. Did God assign your own meaning what is your meaning that was there since the start? What is the meaning of this? What is the meaning of God? >black energy for negative effects and white energy for positive effects I mean yeah that's a base understanding how niggers are bad and how whites are always superior but you will have to go deeper into this. I am not saying this is wrong but this "energetic racism" is not this simple. White flowers grow from the blackest ground while snow turns everything white as nature "turns brown/black" in the winter. The problem with "white" which might mean "light" is that it's more illusory therefore somewhat unpredictable and might blind yourself with it while "black" is more dirty but more effective in some regards until you find "true light" the unifying essence of reality. The light gets stronger in the darkness while we need light to see in the darkness. >You need the ‘backing of a divine force’ in order to make a convincing argument to the spirits Or an understanding of divinity in all things. >you need to have Truth on your side Yeah but "truth" can be like a scary police officer that makes the spirits do what you say because the police officer by your side is that scary or you can be scary so no spirit dares to defy you or you can have applicable truth which is the way of the spirits so the spirits can fulfill your wishes with the least resistance. You need to have truth within and speak truth with every word/intention. Find truth know truth be truth. >Clearly I have a bit since I’m able to make functional thoughforms with this Truth-energy, but I need more. Yeah but you can set dollar bills on fire to make fire or find a place that sells campfire materials and make a larger fire from less money/energy/truth. Efficiency is a key. The more you understand something the less you need to waste. Was weird finding out that most entities can be summoned without the "offerings" because the pocket dimensions are so full with the leftover energies already that I just need to pick a little "scent" from that and establish a way to the entities. Ofc if I wanted them to do some real reality altering shit instead of asking something minor I would need to put more work into it but I dislike asking others to do my work... I had to learn to rely on others. There are things spirits do better than my wild energies. >Need ‘a relationship with god’. ‘Merging with god’? And an understanding (of the nature) of God >as though I was about to shoot myself in the head Oh you will. Your mental framework is so limiting you will have (or it needs) to "die" >I got the feeling that I was being “thrown into a gang of malicious fairies” Yeah those "spirits" that you kinda "abuse" might be an itty bitty mad when you just give them unreasonable requests they "get it for you" then you are "displeased" because they did it in a "probable" way instead of warping the very fabric of reality itself so they can please you. Fairies usually soak up the energies of the environment/their master.

>>1113 >rather than meeting any god For "party tricks" you want fairies and elementals instead of wanting to bother an actual God with your nonsense. Not to mention DMT merely alters your mindset and makes you "receptive" of things and does not work as a cosmic dial mechanism. It's you who dials up things. God is everywhere. Gods are everywhere in different dimensions and you can access them via different pathways frequencies and mindsets. You need to be "worthy" to meet (a) God. >Maybe that was just my ego selfishly not wanting to die again Yeah you will have to learn to get past that. I know it's hard especially as you move forward you have to realize there are "different deaths" different shackles of karma. >but I think it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t get enough for a full breakthrough. Learn your pace. You will have to learn to balance your desire for truth/discovery and your fear of "getting lost" or losing yourself. Not easy I know. To reach the heavens you have to go through hell. There is a reason why many spiritual texts tell you to live ethical lifestyle and such. It's easier if you don't make a hell for yourself from the beginning :) >I’m starting to think that there really are specific ‘DMT spirits’ associated with it Yupp. This is a good realization. There is a reason why they are a myriad of remedies in spirituality and why there is no universal method yet. Every substance leads to a different mindset/world. >would prevent it from being used as just a neutral tool like this Yeah. The only tool you need is your mind. Everything else is a distraction. And by everything else I truly mean EVERYTHING. Find the inner clarity and the inner voice then look further for the answers within. >Maybe if I need another shot of spiritual chaos in the future it could be useful "Chaos" just means that the available variables increase but if you are unable to grab the opportunity the necessary variable that arises then it might hurt you further but truth is that you don't exactly need further variables but to decrease your own limitations. Your mind is so "well put together" that you are unable to notice things because it "never occurred to your mind" of sorts. >>1120 This sounds like a good idea. Wanted to write about harmonizing and discovering the traits and application of polarities but this post is long already. And I am not sure I have ways to explain the nature of God yet.

>>1136 Wow this intestines thing really works. I’m fasting right now and it’s like flipping a hunger switch. Although it doesn’t help with the lightheadedness. Previously for dealing with hunger I tried targeting the stomach which didn’t really have much of an effect. I suppose the correct target isn’t always exactly obvious. Actually after proofreading my post I realized that you didn't actually say anything about intestines. Why did I think you did? 'Lower meridians' and 'abs' maybe? Well it works anyway. This is strange. Anyway my technique was just to channel energy into the small intestines with the intent of getting rid of hunger. Makes me wonder what sort of other biological effects would be possible given the correct target. I’ve always wanted to learn shapeshifting, but trying the basic eye color shift experiment just makes my eyeballs hurt. Target DNA maybe? Does DNA even exist in a spiritual sense? I suppose it would be the equivalent of the ‘spirit of an organism’s biological existence’. You’d need to differentiate this spirit from the spirit of its mind, soul, social presence, etc. And then how to channel energy into that is tricky, you can either just use the entire body as a target which is too diffuse or use an image of the DNA double helix which is too abstract. Target the blood maybe? >You need to connect them and not "move" from them. Yeah I’m starting to see that. Refine which exact link in the causal chain the projected intention is meant to bring about. Declaring the intention correctly is very important. I think I was somehow unconsciously trying to detach the intention/desire from the experiments I was performing so as to make them more “scientific” which was causing issues. >>1138 >The question is WHICH STORE? I’m starting to think it’s Janus. Or the force that the Romans associated with Janus. It’s not really anthropomorphized to me, but it definitely has something to do with existential boundaries. And there are other signs as well. I’ve also discovered that I am actually able to greatly increase the energetic output to spellforms by shifting back into the mental state I was in after taking DMT, when I was being catapulted through chaotic black-and-white filigrees and shapes. Maybe this was the “face of god” I was wanting to evoke? It certainly seems capable of “opening doors”. >What is the meaning of nihilism? What grants meaning to you and what grants meaning to God. It’s kind of like light that moves through lenses to create shapes, which are objects and concepts. (What are the lenses made out of? More light). The light is “pure unaspected meaning”. The nihilism-pattern(black energy) is the absence of light, or a vacuum. >Yeah those "spirits" that you kinda "abuse" might be an itty bitty mad Maybe that’s the case. I have a conception of spirits being things like chemicals that you mix together in a lab to create specific effects. Maybe I’ll try treating them like employees (vassals?) instead. In either case, chemicals are still types of spirits though, right? Like “alcoholic spirits” (liquor) that you buy in the grocery store. >>1139 >For "party tricks" you want fairies and elementals instead of wanting to bother an actual God with your nonsense I have a bit of trouble conceptualizing elementals. The only real occult text I’ve read about them is Initiation into Hermetics, and I think I remember either you or someone else said a while ago that Bardon was working with specific elemental spirits native to where he was living at the time, so I doubt his description of elementals is going to be universally applicable. I have experience in weather magic which I suppose could be framed as ‘the manipulation of air/wind elementals’. Actually my history in that is pretty similar to yours, I started learning it for the practical application of helping my family’s corn and soybean farm. I also had the idea that if I got good enough I could become a “professional rainmaker”, though the sort of precision that would be required for that is beyond me even now. Anyway, after a while I ended up accidentally causing this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/August_2020_Midwest_derecho due to my habit of always putting the intent for as much power as possible in my weather spells. This convinced me to slow down a bit with the weather manipulations until I had built up a reliable method to increase my control and precision. Although truthfully it was a bit satisfying to see the large effect that I was able to create. Another thing with the weather, a couple days after I just recently got rid of my “protective bubble” thoughtform, I was woke up at 4:30 am by sirens due to a tornado heading directly towards my house. This gave me a very good opportunity have a “live fire” test of my techniques. Projecting to the storm system and creating a black hole in it to drain the energy led to the wind speeds rapidly decrease after only 10 minutes, and a ‘bubble-shield’ around my town caused it to divert its course off to the side. So, it appears that I am able to work with air elementals, although I’m not sure if I’m actually interacting with them directly or they’re acting based on some other effect that my spells are having. For things like shapeshifting or transmuting matter I am guessing that you would need to work with earth elementals, but I’m not sure how I’d go about doing that. Try and evoke the image of a gnome and talk to it?

>>1153 >Why did I think you did? 'Lower meridians' and 'abs' maybe? Yeah they govern the intestines. Your mental connection was spot on. I am also learning how strengthening the lower muscles there solve many issues but "sit ups" are not the way; correct toning and energy work is the way. >trying the basic eye color shift experiment Which one is that? You know how you can turn brown eyes into blue via "burning out" "pigments" there right? This is what will you do. Burn them out and they change colors. Only do that if you have the perfect energies or you go blind. >Target DNA maybe? Does DNA even exist in a spiritual sense? Yes. Very much so. DNA is merely information that commands the "way of growth". You need higher spiritual information and an understanding of your own stored DNA so you can safely overwrite it or expand it. The body has built in spiritual awakening protocols and you have to find them on your own. Currently I am discovering 2 types of "shared karma". Societal karma and ancestral karma. Societal karma is the egregoric entanglement while ancestral karma is the "habits" of our ancestors which are supposedly "not our fault" but because our soul was compatible with this DNA profile it means our nature not just resonate with it but somewhat craves or "deserves" it and as we discover our own nature we can unlock it further. >You’d need to differentiate this spirit from the spirit of its mind, soul, social presence, etc Yes but no. ALL IS ONE after all. First you connect all of them or at least become aware of the connections then you discover the differences and the nuance of the ALLness. >And then how to channel energy into that is tricky Yes because first you have to understand the "Built in energy" then slowly "mend it" so you don't damage it further like entropy damages DNA constantly. Random DNA mutations that cause disablities are not fun After having a connection with your own energy you can evolve it further. Shapeshifting comes when "Physical limitations" are not an issue anymore. When your DNA bound mental/soul profile transcends the physical. >diffuse or use an image of the DNA double helix which is too abstract Not entirely but for me it appeared in a vision as I "upgraded it" but I cannot say that was a "conscious effort" for me because it was an energetic breakthrough of sorts. The anon in the question thread mentioned a green like substance coating on his nerves. For me it was my DNA double helix doing that. It was quite the crazy experience so I kinda forgot it so far. Thx for the reminder btw. >Refine which exact link in the causal chain the projected intention is meant to bring about Yupp >Declaring the intention correctly is very important Extremely >I think I was somehow unconsciously trying to detach the intention/desire from the experiments I was performing so as to make them more “scientific” which was causing issues. Yes. While transcending lowly desires is paramount on the long term we must not kid ourselves by replacing a desire with an "another desire" that we consider a "not desire" in our ignorance. >more “scientific” This was a mental block for me too. First problem is that the "scientific egregore" thinks magic and the power of the mind is a mere delusion at max and rationalizes or makes us rationalize and overthink everything instead of doing it the right way. Science thinks you cannot do things "right" by a godly intuitive spark you need to fail and experiment constantly then after many trials with errors reach a discovery while true magic is finding the intuitive glimpse and let it guide all our workings. But that is the "genius" that scientists worship so much because they think "they are the same as them they just need to work more and one day they become geniuses" or they arrogantly think they are geniuses already... For some reason most geniuses believed in God. Midwit scientists rarely do that. Weird isn't it? This is something "mainstream soyience" cannot accept. Religion and faith le bad. And the other problem comes from within is when you disregard your own silent hunches because they do not conform to the scientific authority and that makes you auto ignore it. >I’m starting to think it’s Janus The god of beginnings gateways and change. Yeah you will need him. Quite the good influence tbh. >not really anthropomorphized Let him take a form you can converse with. Invite him into your mind or into a sphere of influence you consider good enough for a conversation. You need to learn to establish these connection with forces no matter which kind of sentience they have. Never forget everything lives and thinks. You just need to learn to understand their "mind". >shifting back into the mental state I was in after taking DMT Nice. This is very important. Learning to switch mindstates at will without necessary outsider stimulus. Drugs take more than give and not a very good clutch on long term. >It certainly seems capable of “opening doors”. Keep going. This is what you require now. >The light is “pure unaspected meaning”. Hahahaha. What you say is not wrong but... huuuh... How to explain. You might say "sunlight" have no meaning. But plants can "eat it" and it can kill many organisms and change the form of many substances it makes you happy or give a sunburn. Which means it has attributes and uses which means it has a sort of "meaning" for every being that interacts with it. Kether the "invisible light of God" is also similar but you have to channel it into other aspects so it can become "decipherable" like how chokmah and binah is wisdom and understanding on the Kabalah. At this part I kinda agree with you how it is "unaspected" but once it "interacts with you" it becomes an "aspect" with you that you sorta "give" meaning. "Unaspected" is also an "aspect" if you get me. The "trick" is to learn to not defile and corrupt this "pure essence" but find your inner impurities with the help of the light purify them so you can ascend further towards the understanding of true light. But to understand light you have to understand the "false light" and to see true light you have to sit in the darkness first. Once your eyes get used to the darkness you will see the many things that make up the "vacuum". It's not always a vacuum but just a mere boundary like space and the seas. Seas many times represent boundaries for a reason and seas are rarely "empty". I liked how in Gurren Lagaan there was a time where they made space so "dense" it became a liquid. If space is vacuum what are the original materia of the blackholes that can "pull" vacuum. We are still at the gravity bound model with our current scientific field but it's important to understand how "true vacuum" is not an easy concept to conceive because currently we have a sort of relative vacuum concept because of the atmosphere we live in. Yeah I will stop this thought process here because I am feeling how pseud this sounds. This might be the wrong angle to look at this issue. The problem with the concept of darkness is that once you are in complete darkness in a way closing your eyes is not making things darker you usually start seeing lights or your mind is enhancing your other senses and creates internal vision in your mind so you can map your surroundings. While "light" is absent your mind is still creating "light" for you but this is also the "biological light" and there are even more types beyond that. Whatever your angle is good but you will have to go further exploring it on your own.

>>1153 >I have a conception of spirits being things like chemicals that you mix together Yeah so is your mind and your thoughts are like mere chemicals. But if I mixed you with anger and humiliation for "scientific purposes" you would be mad at me right? Like mixing fire with gasoil. The fire would be a little "mad" don't you think. (k let's not talk about fire spirits and artificial materials because that also makes the fire spirits mad. They have their "own fire" and they can invoke it if the requirements are "met" but thinking them the same as mere industrially refined fuel is mean as hell. Spirits really dislike to be treated as "expendable". They require a level of respect. We have the concept of human resources. Humans as a sort of resource. Do you consider yourself as expendable as a chemical or something with more "worth". Meditate on this concept of values worth and "meaning" and come up with a conclusion I guess. I dislike the concept that humans are expendable but some "humans" are truly behaving as "waste" and at that level they cannot be treated the same. There are low level spirits that being used as a "fuel" aka burning them bright so they can be "released from their form" counts as a salvation/good deed while some spirits really hate to be used as a fuel for materialistic purposes with no real meaning. Hard to explain. This is something you have to talk out with your spirits.) >“alcoholic spirits” (liquor) Let's not get into that now. Alcohol is a refined material that induces mental changes that some spirits love extremely as a sacrifice and even can act as a spirit "repellent" of sorts because spirits will attach themselves to the alcohol instead of attacking you in some cases but with that they cannot truly "change" the alcohol further thus they become "drunk" and fade of sorts. That science is fucking weird especially because alcohol has a specific "energy" within. Alcohol represents a sort of immortality. You turn something seasonal like grapes into something "lasting" that with time just "gets better" aka "ages like wine" if the proper alchemical processes are applied. Alcohol is something sacred in the spirit world because that is the most mainstream alchemical mastery of humans that even the spirits "envy". I will stop my Orphic rant now because it reminds me how shit "modern brewery" is in essence and the only thing they managed to reach is quantity and variety instead of quality. But the true value of the wine usually depends on the people you share it with. >I have a bit of trouble conceptualizing elementals Yeah no wonder. You cannot "conceptualize" them. Like if I went and conceptualized you that wouldn't be (You) right? It would be a imaginary friend that might be similar to you until I use some psychic hocus pocus to hardwire the tulpa into your mind so it acts and thinks the same way as you. You need to meet your elementals. They are too "earthbound" to be conceptualized this easily. Ofc with your help they will take up a form you can "interact" with but never think them as a "concept" but an actually "tangible" thing but on an "another layer". Elementals are powerhouses as long they are on their home territory. This is why you can use them to fuck with "Outsider entities" and hostiles a lot because elementals care about their domain and as long as you are a benevolent master of your domain they will make sure to keep you in "charge". They really like when a human can understand them instead of causing constant trouble for them with their ignorant noisy busybody lifestyle. Like moving some rocks into formations and other thoughtforms we can make for them can make so much difference for them as giving a sugar cube for an ant. They are "small" and bound to energy currents but once their energy current is stabilized they are true powerhouses. But to "wield them" in a way you can throw fireballs you need not just compatibility but a strong constitution too because while they are "invisible and weightless" they are like walking with 70kg+ of military equipment in the desert as their constant influence weights down your spirit. Like the magician mentioned in the question thread who hard wired fire elementals to his arms by accident and he started to lose control over his hands. It's important to establish a work routine with them because they are not as "simple" as New Agers made them be. They will burn but instead of burning your skin first they start with your inner meridians then nerves and other parts of the flesh and doctors will say that you have some autoimmune/nerve disease or something because they cannot pinpoint the original cause. >I think I remember either you Yeah that was me. I have a connection with my elementals and just thought maybe I should look how the Silesian (nowadays Czech but they dislike to be called that) ones look because they are not that far from me and suddenly I was in a perfectly established "guild hall" with stores and everything. While for my own elementals I literally had to open tunnels and everything so they can operate at all. They asked me if I can dig down like 50km deep for a treasure and I said not in the next 20 years? But it turned out they meant IN THE ELEMENTAL REALM which is just I go there and use my powers to blow things open and BOOM they are eternally indebted to me (as honor dictates). And as cool it sounds having an elemental kingdom I realized I need to git gud further because "wielding" these powers is "heavy". Not to mention it makes you "earth bound" in a different sense. Turns you into an earth spirit and gives you a different weight class. Made me realize this whole thing is not as easy as first thought. Old masters had quite the well trained human bound elementals so they were easy to work with but first I need to "tame" and learn to work with these raw weirdos. But this makes them strong as hell. >Immortal spirit hordes attacking? >Would be a shame IF ALL OF THEM TURNED TO STONE AND FELL INTO THE LOWEST ABYSS WHERE THE GRINDING MERELY BEGINS Some of the "treasures" were like radioactive crystals . Srsly it was weird and require more mastery. I have to balance out my own flesh and spirit bound elements first before I become a living elemental. Not to mention Bardon is a little complicated in some regards and I cannot say I am familiar with his workings enough to say things for certain. Reading books of occultists can make you connect to the mindset and life they lived while writing that then from that angle you can discover many parts of their way but... I have my hands full already. >I started learning it for the practical application of helping my family’s corn and soybean farm Huh. This sorta explain that sort of "swamp monster" "wet earth" elemental that appeared while looking into your "fairies". >I could become a “professional rainmaker”, Bruh I was thinking the same when I was like 16 then I realized no way I am wasting my abilities on people telling me "it was a mere coincidence" all the time. Then I realized the wider usage of psychic powers and acknowledged the fact that these powers don't deserve to be "converted into money". If I sell my powers then I am controlled by money therefore people with money are above me no matter their level which is a disgrace of this craft. Stage magicians are an another bag of weirdness but it depends if they do it for money or fame or to increase the awareness of these phenomenas of sorts. If you do things to enlighten others then it can have proper meaning virtue or good karma but to make some extra cash that you will give to degenerate landlords whores or other lowly purposes is also iffy... But that is the path of a trickster and they are governed by other laws of the fickle fate. Cannot say for sure what is and isn't allowed. Fate can seriously get weird. This is why discovering your own reason and meaning is paramount in all workings.

>>1153 >though the sort of precision that would be required for that is beyond me even now Imagine trying to coordinate air pirate bombers to destroy a papercup on a table in a dense city center without destroying everything else. Elementals truly require familiarity and a steady guiding hand so they can be "precise". They are a force of nature after all and nature has it's own precision not like the one we modern humans consider "precision". You literally need to create an energetic beacon that shows them the proper target and make sure their way is unobstructed towards it. Not easy with the modern atmospheric currents. >habit of always putting the intent for as much power as possible in my weather spells Yeah that was a pickle for me too for years. I had to realize the "trick" was to summon an uncontrollable force so "no one can stop it" then as it arrives "tame it". Like srsly. I had to watch out because I live in a flood and drought hazard territory trees fall apart like house of cards not to mention I have an oil refinery near and that also fucks with weather patterns. I remember the first year when I discovered my aeromancy in my teens. I thought maybe using my powers is "wrong" because it is the "power of God" and I defy God with it and shouldn't use it because God already ordains reality the best it should be. Then as an "reply" we got drought then a flood the next year. That was a GOD EITHER DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME OR IF I USE MY POWER OR THIS WAS A CONFIRMATION ABOUT THE FACT THAT THOSE WHO HAVE THE POWER ARE OBLIGED TO USE THEIR POWERS TO MAKE THE WORD THE BETTER PLACE Yeah I was mad. That was when I abandoned this "magic is bad" misconception. Ofc hearing how my storms that I make sure as gentle as hell always manage to kill weirdos is always a bummer but I talked this out with my guides that people are not killed by "my storm" but usually from their own karma because storms always existed so people forgetting that storm = go inside or at least not into a collapsing building should be basic survival skill. This is the problem with "aeromancers for hire". Suddenly all weather patterns are your fault in the eyes of mundanes. >truthfully it was a bit satisfying to see the large effect that I was able to create Yeah this is the problem with awakening. First thing you want to know "if you have power" and what is the true definition of power? Destruction and death. The more dies the more power you have. This is also a safety switch upon the psyche because after that you either become the "devil" or go into "what have I done" and both of them damages the psyche so your higher self/God or other overseer forces are mending your "reality". What you do is invisible for mundanes but quite visible for entities. K fine my aeromancy gives people headaches as the pressure changes and other ailments too so I cannot say it's "undetected" but it is like a fart in the dark. You can see who did it quite well with a heat detector camera. Spirits see the energies human generate that well and how they bind other forces with it. >Projecting to the storm system and creating a black hole in it to drain the energy led to the wind speeds rapidly decrease Yeah that also works. I figured out I can "tame" the weather long ago so I can turn off lightning strikes storms that rip apart trees and hailstorms but for that I "merged my mind with the storm" I "felt it's rage" then "I calmed down with the weather". For some reason this felt natural and never even thought much about it. It turned out I naturally developed a "storm body". A sort of high energy catalyst that can "ground" the extra energies of the storm. My guide told me that I don't even need to "manipulate" the weather when it was stormy the last time I just connect to it and let the extra energies "go through me" then into the ground like how storms reach the surface either as wind rain or lightning. And about the protective bubble. I remember I had a hard time accessing the "atmosphere" once. I always could connect to it and I felt a strong resistance. It turned out that I got "acknowledged" as a proper "weather overseer" so instead of having to "inject the sky with intent" I just became the owner of my own skies. And instead of "penetrating" the "bubble" I had to "go" to the other side and open the whole thing for myself. Also because the "storm body" I get horny when it gets stormy sometimes because I found out "Lightning elementals" also exist and they "like me". They communicate by becoming once with my own bio electricity. I thought they are like some atmospheric pressure discharging or something and not like a "different" air elementals. At least I am killing less amount of electronics since I learned about their existence. Weeks ago I was under the weather so hard and my entire body was spasming like I am being possessed or something. Nope. Merely lightning elemental overload because they wanted to "thank me" that they were allowed to come here. Weather patterns can be "native" and "nomadic" too. I invited the last bunch on the recommendation of my guides instead of "summoning" or "enticing" them. The problem is that native weather patterns require a sort of "blood infusion" because of several reasons. Back then people had a connection to the weather. There were superstitions and other reliable folk magic tier forecast techniques that people were able to use. Nowadays only very few are capable of that. What we have nowadays? OMG GLOBAL WARMING WE ALL DIE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH thus making people feel even less capable of subconsciously "helping" the weather patterns. Ofc we are going into "climate change" nowadays then artificial weather control programs fuck things up EVEN FURTHER so I went into the direction of instead the weather spirits being helpless and scared of the weather control mechanisms (because it becomes more chemical than actual spiritual at that point but fucks with the balance and natural flows long term) they just become furious as hell and insta attack the weather manipulator "Physical" equipment. Weather control sounds "nice" on paper and a solution to all problems on earth but current science and economic interests are anything but reliable and benevolent in this area. They will (maybe deliberately) cause more damage than worth in the first 2 decades. And for proper weather control we need a scientific paradigm shift first about handling resources be them material or electromagnetic. >a ‘bubble-shield’ around my town caused it to divert its course off to the side Good job!

>>1153 >I’m actually interacting with them directly or they’re acting based on some other effect that my spells are having Complicated. They are like "directionless children" They just want to "blow" like blow of steam of sorts. They can divert into selected directions and ways but that has consequences. Some of them are material destruction or spiritual where you "merge" with the energetic currents the spirits operate with. I remember when I first summoned a slyph so they can make rain for me they told me it is within 2 days and when the time was up it was nowhere. He told me he has no idea why it is not here. Then I got mad an invoked a quite strong elemental reality "shift" with the kingdom of water overtaking the skies and such. Was "mad" because of the DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF OR IT DOESN'T WORK??? mentality of mine because back then I was not aware that I have a "personal authority" over the land already that some spirits cannot "penetrate at will" if I am not giving them the necessary connection points. You called yours the "protective bubble". I would call mine the "oppressive (energetic) discharge" if I have to compare them by feeling. Back then I was simply not aware how much some entities fear me. Had to learn to calm down so I am not ripping myself apart with my own energies. I had to understand that the main reason my awakening didn't start in my childhood was because if it happened I would have gotten either insane or I would have killed many people who disrespected me. And while that is not my "intention" my powers are quite reactive when I am consumed by anger and hatred. My true powers manifest while I am in a sort of ennui where my mind is completely blank or when I am genuinely happy. Yeah... Anger was more of a "ever present" feeling in my life so I went and worked with that. It was a not a good idea but a learning experience nonetheless. Anger makes the energies flow too aggressively and rips apart parts of your being where your sensitivity and awareness is not "paying attention" so they can reach the "cause of your anger" the focus point of your anger asap. 10/10 if you look at from the "result based" perspective but 0/10 if you look at efficiency and sustainability perspectives. Started watching wuxia and that explores this theme too well. The moment a master loses his temper everything is ablaze but he constantly makes mistakes because "he does not care anymore" and that leads to his downfall everytime. In storm or in battle you must be at peace so your mind and actions "stay true". This perfect clarity is the step I am trying to make now. "mundane calm" and the "emptiness" Buddhists praise so much is so close but heavens apart it their truth. At that level you know and see everything as it is because you are truly "undisturbed". >For things like shapeshifting Shapeshifting is the domain of the "flesh and the spirit" for that you have to awaken your flesh and master your internal elementals in mind body and spirit. >transmuting matter Yeah let's get back to that later. Yell when you know the difference between your flesh and other physical materia first and how you can "become a non living object" in mind and spirit without corrupting your own "vital essence" first. As I said you mind is "well put together" so you are either truly great at that at the start or you will suck at it spectacularly until you figure out your own stupidity. >you would need to work with earth elementals Haha. Okay so here is a food of thought. What is "earth". Is it the ground the mud and the dust? IS it "nature"? What are metals and trees? Trees grow from the earth and eat several materials like corpses nitrate CO2 and sunlight. Metals on the other hand... They came from meteors or via other means. If they don't come form "earth" but merely "slumber there" are they still "earth elementals". K the answer is that you need to find an entity who has a domain and understanding upon this matter to explain it to you. Real complicated. Even I have to get into arguments about some matters with my own dwarfs or other entities. They look dwarflike to me and less like garden gnomes but there are several types and they change by regions. I have "halfling" like beings too but they care about foraging and hunting more. >Try and evoke the image of a gnome and talk to it? I would clear my mind and say it out loud verbally or mentally (whichever you trust more to have power) that "I am willing to listen and work with the elementals of my surroundings" or something similar. For me they just "appeared" as my powerlevel increased. Like I went to sleep and a dwarf in the distance looked at me angrily but when I asked him what he wanted he suddenly became nice and gave me a proposal to dig 50km deep. Then some weeks later I got a dream about mining operations and realized that they meant the other plane and I had access to it and because I am a "different density" than them I have powers upon that place in a way it can help them. You have some elementals around already. They just don't know how to talk to you because you never really "tried" in a way it was "inviting" for them enough. Their intelligence and way of communication varies so don't box them in with expectations. Let your intuition "Pick up" their "intents and purposes" of sorts. Holy longpostmancy I will get accused of wallposting again.

>>1159 >DNA is merely information that commands the "way of growth". So I suppose one of the issues you run into here is that even if the “way of growth” is altered, that’s not going to do much to a grown adult who’s already stopped growing. Although of course the human body is “always growing” in that it needs to keep replacing its dead cells, but still… it feels like one needs to work against a lot of inertia to do this. >Shapeshifting comes when "Physical limitations" are not an issue anymore. When your DNA bound mental/soul profile transcends the physical. Alright so… scry to the piece of the soul that resonates the DNA. Altering this may alter the DNA? Maybe. If that’s the case maybe doing direct brute-force manipulation of the DNA stored in the cell nucleus wouldn’t work because this piece of the soul would just change it back. Unless the act of alteration is backed up by ‘an act of Will’ which causes a corresponding change in the connection. I’ll need to do some looking into this. >It's not always a vacuum but just a mere boundary like space and the seas. This fits very nicely with the Janus perspective. White circle with black lines. A line being a form of negation, in some sense annihilation. Makes sense. >>1160 Alright, this is a good heading to point myself in. Seems like I’ll need to spend a lot of time in the coming week channeling spirits. One of these days I’m going to have to learn clairaudience. I can sort of retract myself from my hands or internal monologue to communicate via automatic writing (or thinking) but typically if I visually evoke a spirit all it can do is stand there and transmit emotions at me or communicate with its actions. >Then I realized the wider usage of psychic powers and acknowledged the fact that these powers don't deserve to be "converted into money". Money is weird for me, I was able to successfully do a spell so that I ‘don’t have to work’ anymore but as a consequence I have a do-nothing job leeching off of a small company, but the CEO probably doesn’t deserve it. So I’m thinking about doing some spells to make the company successful, but I know that if I do that one of the consequences is that I’m going to have to actually start working as business increases. Although it just so happens that the logo of this company is the two-headed face of Janus so maybe that’s a sign… would be a lot more simpler if something like a ‘professional magician’ was a feasible career, outside of doing something stupid being a phone psychic. >Not to mention it makes you "earth bound" in a different sense. Turns you into an earth spirit and gives you a different weight class. Reminds me of how Bardon cautions against falling in love with mermaids. >But beware of the beauty of these beings! The magician is seriously warned not to fall madly in love with a mermaid and not to lose his balance. A love like this could become fateful to him. That does not exactly mean that he is not allowed to have fun with the mermaids. He must keep the motto in mind: love is the law, but love under a strong will. A mermaid is quite able to fascinate the magician with her incredible beauty, charm and intoxicating eroticism so much that he is in serious danger of becoming one of the kind, a fact that undoubtedly would cause his physical death. How many magicians have been wrecked by an unhappy love! Therefore the magician should remain firm in command of his passions, because it is this kingdom in the sphere of elements that is the most attractive and if the magician gave way to his passions, he would fall into the hands of the mermaids for good. By the way, wouldn’t working with air elementals a lot make you light instead of heavy? >>1161 >internal elementals in mind body and spirit >What is "earth". Is it the ground the mud and the dust? IS it "nature"? What are metals and trees? Trees grow from the earth and eat several materials like corpses nitrate CO2 and sunlight. Metals on the other hand... They came from meteors or via other means. If they don't come form "earth" but merely "slumber there" are they still "earth elementals". So would it be accurate to say that each category of physical object and phenomenon has its own species of elemental spirit presiding over it? Like flesh elementals, bone elementals, DNA elementals, metal elementals (elements of the periodic table?) >I would clear my mind and say it out loud verbally or mentally (whichever you trust more to have power) that "I am willing to listen and work with the elementals of my surroundings" or something similar. I will try this in the next day or so, I’ll need to refine my intentions first. >Holy longpostmancy I will get accused of wallposting again. The information you're transmitting is useful, thanks.

>>1164 >mermaids. Well congrats. You managed to grant me a paradigm shift by somehow reminding me about the very issue my guides tried to explain me through dreams. I completely forgot about my water element and about the nature of water. Last night I meditated for an hour with the merfolk and other water energies and made several breakthroughs then slept like a baby. You will realize as you move on that most of your "discoveries" will come from the realization that you overlooked something trivial then once noticing it you can piece the whole puzzle together and rearrange the whole system of yours. I had like an earthly "crust" around me and that was "indestructible" and it had to be gently "washed down" so I am not weighted down. This is why true masters are advised to find a disciple by their own masters or at least find other masters to talk things out so they have a reason to get the noggin joggin and notice the missing links in their own thought processes. My own water element is more peculiar than I thought. Might talk about it later. >not going to do much to a grown adult who’s already stopped growing This is an important misconception. The Kabbalah is meant to be studied after 40 for a reason. Around that age the "flame of youth" will stop distracting you. Why do you want magic as a young man? Sex power fame money and other silly things. Not to mention transmuting or corrupting your "youth essence" in the wrong way might cause things only a true master can unfuck. Youth is not a "problem" but the recklessness and the arrogance you gain as you realize just how much power you have while you are "in your prime" and still lack wisdom can be the worst recipe for disaster. Member that dude who could answer the questions of the Rabbis as a child then went into the desert then came back stirred up trouble until got crossed? I am not saying age is a "requirement" but people can misunderstand the power and the distraction youth can grant while your psyche is going through constant changes. Awakening is like a second puberty. And as an adult you can see the folly of children while as an awakened person you will see all the folly of the unawakened and see them the same as "children" who need guidance and protection. >body is “always growing” in that it needs to keep replacing its dead cells Yes now the problem is that if you refuse to awaken then you are "bound" to the "gifts of your ancestors" which means your body will work as long as your built in genetic makeup can last and propel you further. This is why being an adult is a "gift" because you can be the "master of your own destiny" while as a young person you are bound by expectation and obligation that your parents and society forces upon you. Not to mention while being young you are distracted by your libido and other societal pulls. You need to reach a "maturity" to see the folly of those desires. >it feels like one needs to work against a lot of inertia to do this Once your internal flame becomes ablaze you will forget that inertia problem. You will have as much power as you want the question will be what to use for and why? >scry to the piece of the soul that resonates the DNA Good luck with that. Share results. >Altering this may alter the DNA? K now this is where it gets "tricky". Your soul tries to take up the "shape" of the body but your soul is not exactly the manifestation of your "current" body. The trick is not to "alter the soul" but rather get rid of the impurities that were enforced upon it because of karma or the necessity of living in the current human body. Once your "spirit materia" becomes pure you can alter the components of your body more freely (as the subtle body awakens) but until that it is hard and painful. Like I just found out that I completely misunderstood and glanced over several properties of the water and how the body generates absorbs and cleanses the "water of life" if the elemental properties reach a clarity. >wouldn’t work because this piece of the soul would just change it back Be thankful for that. Until you have no idea what you are doing DNA self repairs minor damages. Being too forceful without the ability to heal your own errors is a lesson in itself. >I’ll need to do some looking into this. Definitely. We might get back to this later. >I’ll need to spend a lot of time in the coming week channeling spirits Definitely. True magic starts when you are able to notice and communicate with your surrounding spirit forces. That was when my development started to take true pace. >I’m going to have to learn clairaudience Element water and air. But the spirits can do telepathy well if you keep your mind open and impressionable. No need to "hear" but let your intuition tell what is "going on". Truth is I kinda dislike letting the voices "merge" with my ears because I need to stay alert on physical matters during the day. >(or thinking) but typically if I visually evoke a spirit all it can do is stand there and transmit emotions at me or communicate with its actions. That's a good enough start already. Try to start where it "works" already. That is the way of natural growth and development. Trying to "create" a skill without being aware of the underlying mechanics might make you "knock on the wrong doors". But experiment ofc. >Money is weird for me Same. Money is a fucking meme nowadays thanks to constant economic manipulation. This is my problem with it because it is like an obvious lie that "everyone needs to accept" so the "economy" can keep going. Money lost it's worth it's status and it's authority and the only reason why we still use it because it is convenient and alternatives are near impossible currently. The parable of Midas and how he cannot eat gold and other implications were already a cautionary tale but nowadays? We don't even have "gold" we are playing with monopoly money in this monopoly economy until someone gets fed up and flips the table because half the players stopped respecting the rules they made up at the start. >was able to successfully do a spell so that I ‘don’t have to work’ anymore Yeah my only advice on this that understand your own spell and how it works. There are 1 time spells that are like minor nudges and release further energy and does not waste your own energy further. Then there is the "status quo" spell that is a constant reality alter and a part of your authority/energy field becomes a sort of "organ" like thought form that governs different aspects of reality and if you keep it running without being aware of the subtle changes and the energies it produce within your or in the environment... This is no omnious warning it's just you need to know why or how you are doing this. I am not telling you to become a busybody wageslave because people are usually the victims of their own success when they are unable to circulate their energies as their environment changes. But if it grants you the "freetime" you need to discover your magic then it might be beneficial. But if you feel guilt then it's an another matter altogether. So hard to be wise about these issues tbh.

>>1164 >but the CEO probably doesn’t deserve it it's your decision to see if "your spell" will result in the downfall of the company or similar negative consequences but the current economy is too unstable to tell what consequences it will cause. I cannot even write down my own energetic and economic "meddling" at all because holy fucking shit. money = power but only material power then political power vs economical power vs spiritual interests of higher entities... I don't even know where to start. My main problem was that whenever I needed my focus on other matters my energies changed gears and some of my spellforms temporarily became defunct until my focus returned. Not to mention while awakening my baseline energies changed so much my spellforms became faulty and defunct or almost like an energy block mechanism and once i was able to grant an energetic cleansing on my "territory" suddenly everything started to improve almost on it's "own". Seeing people being able to think and work without any "meddling" on my part was a wonder. "results" are one thing but nuance and efficiency is the footsteps of mastery. Was real annoying that whenever I did something a new problem revealed itself and it was like a constant chase. >I’m going to have to actually start working as business increases "Working" can grant opportunities for growth if it's fulfilling instead of making you into a miserable drone. It was long ago when I worked this leisurely like nowadays. I mean I still don't have weekends off but at least no nightshifts and constant emergencies arising thx to incompetence and mismanagement of resources. Currently work is almost grounding for me and a way I can iron out past karma from myself. >logo of this company is the two-headed face of Janus so maybe that’s a sign Sounds like that for sure. Figure out what that company truly means or represents for you. Especially if you manipulate your company with a spellform. Egregores and archetypes merge quite a lot. Discovering the hidden archetypal forces in egregores can grant power and guidance into matters unseen and unknown. Sometimes it is a minor coincidence or the work of Fate itself. >something like a ‘professional magician’ was a feasible career It is but... the "professional" starts when you are not bound by "money" or any mundane matters anymore. At that level you are an ordainer of Fate and you have your own path and autism. You will almost miss the "simplicity" of this mundaneness. >outside of doing something stupid being a phone psychic They are on the level of whores for hire... You don't want to debase yourself this much yet. People have the worst problems they bother "psychics" with. Like the current doge thread. I always notice that these "psychics" vanish within 3-5 years. Those who remain are even greater mysteries sometimes. They usually have real backing or purpose and it's not just a breadwinning necessity anymore. >wouldn’t working with air elementals a lot make you light instead of heavy? Yeah I just "found out" that I actually worked with the gravitational and electromagnetic forces instead of being an "air elemental" by myself. My body was like a mountain so air elementals didn't do "much" to counterbalance that earth surplus. No wonder I was called Atlas once while talking to a manifestation of Athena. My main method was about employing kinetic forces and the butterfly effects instead of invoking slyphs. >would it be accurate to say that each category of physical object and phenomenon has its own species of elemental spirit presiding over it? Sorta? But it's a system so once you have a connection to a being that governs a part of this system he can explain the way they operate and how you can command it. >Like flesh elementals, bone elementals, DNA elementals, metal elementals (elements of the periodic table?) Yes... The hardest part figuring out how those elements can evolve and what other elements they "feed on" like in Feng Shui. >I will try this in the next day or so, I’ll need to refine my intentions first. Good luck. I have to revisit my own workings further too. Might write about it later. >information you're transmitting is useful, thanks Always good to hear. Managed to reach a point where I have to rethink several things again and cannot describe things as aptly as I like. The kingdom of water and the great boundaries between the abyss and realms forgotten and untold. Not to mention finally being able to channel elasticity/felxibility and natural "Oceanic oneness" instead of this autistic mental network I used to keep my psyche taped together. I remembered yesterday in the long past some brown pill fringe poster said that the way in spirituality is to spam water meditation as much as possible... He wasn't exactly wrong.

>>1133 >my magic What I meant is that it has the ability to draw upon energies from all about the all, and as far as I can tell, it also draws upon the authority of the all itself. I got the idea after I read in an archived /fringe/ thread that some guy did some kinda ritual that involved applying his blood to a tree, and the ritual caused him to accidently transmigrate his soul into a woman. One of the replies said that he probably merged his energies into the earth, and therefore, his magic drew upon the energies of the earth, or something like that it's been a fucking while since I've read it. So I was once in a spiritually desperate situation and had an extremely sudden thought, presumably due to gnosis; why not just mentally project to the highest place I can possibly imagine and draw upon the environment there to cause my magic to draw energy from everything, and therefore at least effectively draw upon all authority to make it occur? Then I went there and found a ceiling with globs hanging from it. Under ideal circumstances, I can perform this kind of magic in under a second if my unconciousness actually helps out with the intentions; otherwise, it can take between several seconds and a few hours to do, depending on how much of a bitch my unconciousness feels like being at the time. That said, I really don't like doing magic myself when I do it on purpose, but at times, my intrusive thoughts will fire off my magic on its own to make it do really bad things, and then I have to contact someone to clean it up, or if they don't feel like it, then I might have to spend a long time attempting for a few hours or less(usually less) to wrangle my unconciousness into undoing what it did without making things get even worse instead. Anyway, when I successfully use my magic, it usually makes my throat energy center momentarily activate in some manner; this isn't intentional, but I'm pretty sure that it's caused by the magic extracting and/or reading my intentions from my throat. As for the blobs themselves, their nature appears to be to cause all the intentions that they're imbued with to come to pass. Well, rather, the blobs just insert the intentions into the ceiling, and then the ceiling causes the intentions to be performed. Sometimes I can cleanse a blob by just commanding it while charging it with my intentions to wipe all intentions from it, but I usually lack faith that it'll actually work that time, so it usually doesn't work. When that happens and it's important that I prevent the bad parts of the magic from firing, I give the blobs to one of my contacts, and he'll sometimes successfully prevent the magic from firing, such that I can let go of it without anything happening. If it doesn't work, it means I have to struggle with my unconciousness for an inordinately amount of time to get the situation fixed. I really don't have faith that I can just talk to the blobs and just ask them to do things for me. I guess I might try it later, but my doubt will probably just sabotage the attempt. Maybe if I wait until my unconciousness feels cooperative? Also, in case it matters, when I say unconciousness, I don't differentiate between subconciousness & unconciousness; I lumped their terminologies together a long, long time ago, and I haven't bothered differentiating between them since, but I suppose that I should at some point. >talk about my environmental energies I have a hard time being reliably communicated with by her, as with basically all spirits that attempt to speak to me, so I did introspection instead. Introspection is proving to be pretty effective, so I don't think I'll post anything here about the results since I'd rather not get too personal about it unless I'm desperate, which I'm not right now. Speaking of desperate, I was able to sleep the night when I wrote my previous post; go figure. I was definitely losing my marbles due to insomnia, though.

>>1177 Okay I think I've more likely figured out why my spine is made of living magma. For the past several years, I've been fighting intrusive thoughts almost every single day, some days fighting harder than others. This has caused me to struggle very hard over a long period of time to maintain the purity of my thoughts. I don't accept even the slightest bit of compromise in my thoughts, and I'm very paranoid about being compromised. This intrusive thought problem might've started several years ago when I read on 8/pol/ that ayy lmao document that I posted in the anomalous dreams thread, and a related document that I didn't save that was supposed to help with psychic self-defense against ayy lmaos in particular, but I don't remember the name of the latter or much of what it said. However, my memories of when this started is kinda hazy; my problem might've started a year or two before that, but it probably got substantially worse after that happened. Anyway, last night, I think I might've been getting attacked by a reptilian, but I'm not entirely sure; my memory about this is a bit hazy, but on Monday, I think asked Hermes to disconnect me from the entities in that document, and then my intrusive thoughts about reptilians suddenly just mostly went away and drastically reduced in strength. However, the night before last, the thoughts suddenly came back with great strength by strongly pushing two thoughtforms of reptilians upon my face, which it took alot of effort to get rid of. Before that, I swatted a fly upon my monitor, and then completely out of the blue, I felt the fly on my sacral chakra and it took a gigantic amount of effort over an hour or so to get rid of it, and none of my contacts would do it for me. I ended up having to magically violate the free wills of everything involved before it finally got removed from me, and I did not wanna resort to that. Last night, the attacker put compromising intentions between me and my ability to think about my contacts, such that if I asked my contacts to do anything at all, I'd involuntarily be asking some reptilian to do it instead, or at the same time. At some point, my heart was so exhausted from dealing with this shit that I was seriously considering not trying to fight it anymore, so I'd asked a contact for a transfusion of heart energy, which allowed me to keep going. This and other types of pressures continued into the night, and at some point, I received a fleeting vision of a reptilian saying "control your mind". I asked a contact to take my spirit gf somewhere safe, and then I felt a strong force attempting to drag my mind downwards, which I'd resisted. I tried killing the attacker, but I don't think my magic stopped it. I asked a contact for protection before I went to bed. Cautious pessimism tells me that it's gonna come back later. I'm pretty sure that other things are causing my self-sabotaging thoughts too, but I doubt that these other things are entities, but rather, are shadow work that I need to get done. Anyway, would you tell me if I was being attacked by my shadow, or by an actual entity? Cautious pessimism tells me that it was my shadow, but paranoia tells me otherwise.

>>1180 Apparently there was a widespread attack last night. Something similar happened to me as well ('a strong force attempting to drag my mind downwards' mirrors one of the attacks), and someone on Sunflower was reporting similar events. In any case, I would recommend that you stop trying to frame these events as 'fighting intrusive thoughts', since doing that is just a waste of energy. This sort of reminds me of the LOA style of magic where you just police your thoughts all the time to broadcast the desired effect. It’s very exhausting. I find it works far better to use your thoughts as a passive barometer and rely on energetically condensed willfully performed spells for the active effects. For your reptilian problem, spend some time developing good reliable astral combat techniques. When something hostile pops into your awareness, accept that it exists and address it in a straightforward way. “Denying its existence” can work but you typically need to do this through a single coherent magical act rather than continual thoughtstream monitoring. The fact that you work with gods is good. You can try asking them for weapon and defense designs to use in the astral, they’ll likely be very effective against your reptilians.

>>1175 >>1176 >scry to the piece of the soul that resonates the DNA >Share results. Well I believe what I saw here was the sort of karmic component you mentioned which binds me to my current body. It’s a bit complicated but I’m about 80% that my grandfather transferred his soul into me at some time during my childhood, perhaps to escape death. At this point my behavior began radically changing and my grandfather became a ‘soulless husk’, and my family has repeatedly stated that many of the behavioral changes manifested where idiosyncrasies that he had. I don’t know if he was a sorcerer but he was a part of multiple masonic clubs. I’ve had a few dreams that seemed to confirm this as well. So when I scried to this location, what I saw was a major event of his childhood: his family’s barn burning down, which is what killed his father. This transitioned to a freemason-esque ritual with people in masks, and then into events of my own childhood. This was a bit worrying because if my awareness does come from his soul and I’m just a warlock body snatcher who sacrificed his own kin then that’s a pretty heavy thing that’s going to be difficult to rectify. I decided I’d go ahead and just try to purge the thoughtform denoting his ‘soul’ from me, since the logical solution to ‘cheating death’ would be to ‘grant death’. So I did that, and immediately afterwards I had a sharp stabbing pain in my navel and both of my feet. I went to sleep soon afterwards, and had a dream where I was in the house he used to live in, and found some sort of secret backroom which contained a bizarre looking floating creature which I think had a TV monitor as a face. As I met this creature it ‘did something sinister’, and as I exited the backroom I saw that my grandfather had somehow reverted back to around 40-50 years of age before dropping dead, which I somehow recognized as being the “age where he cheated death”. This also happened to a large group of his side of the family as well who were in the house for some reason, all of them having reverted back to some earlier age before dying. Rather strange. But I scried to the same spot afterwards, and saw the image of a Transformer robot, which I am taking as a sign of success. So I guess now what’s left is to actually learn biokinesis. Decided to try and get rid of a small scar I have on my hand since that’s not pushing disbelief for me very much. I’m not that good at channeling but I decided to speak with my “skin’s spirit” to see what it needed, it directed me to the liver who stated that it needed more energy to make changes like that. Asked Janus for a device to supply ‘infinite energy channeled from the ether’, and it took shape as a metallic looking black orb with green lights on it. Inserted the image of the liver I was speaking with and immediately I was overcome by extreme mania and began speaking in tongues and writhing around for around 10 minutes before calming down. Not sure exactly what effect that had, but the scar’s still there so I guess I need something else. Or maybe it will just take a few days. Might have to experiment with manipulating the body’s denser energies manually rather than directing channeled spirits to do it, just to see if that has any greater effect. Or maybe I just need to refine my intention? The reason for healing a small scar is entirety to ‘ensure the methodology works’, so if that was the intention was transmitted to the body spirits I spoke with it could be a bit open-ended. Just need to try more things. >Yes... The hardest part figuring out how those elements can evolve and what other elements they "feed on" like in Feng Shui. Oooh. Rereading this just now made something click. I was treating the skin spirit as a separate entity from my skin, more like a custodian entity than the actual mind of the physical organ. That probably messed something up. Maybe “evolving the organ’s spirit”, or something like that would work better.

>>1186 >my grandfather transferred his soul into me at some time during my childhood, perhaps to escape death I haven't followed this discussion but happened to see this part. From what I know it's pretty easy to enter a body, but harder to kick out the incarnated owner. If this happened your grandfather simply moved to live with you in the same body. This will just sound way out there out of context, but I've been hinted at, nudged in the direction of understanding, by different entities during channelling where someone else was doing the channelling - that I'm a walk-in. I know my other souls are gone, because I kicked them out (and a bunch of other people's souls who were harming my environment, but that's a different story). Right now it's me an a black cat which was given to me to act as my assistant soul. I had one remaining assistant soul who left after some events 12 years ago this soul had previously belonged to the top nazi Eichmann, I kept seeing images of a hanged man before figuring this out, and there was a ghost who kept haunting me (him) from the baby he once shot to "prove himself" for some rich lady, I forgot the details of his story, during which I had a dream where I was super man but blind because superman takes off his glasses. The other soul was clear sighted but had a huge backpack (karma) and said to me, "that guy doesn't know anything" in reference to someone I was beating up, then "I can't go on, it's too heavy". I had other dreams like this after, during which I was alone and on a bus. Other people, class mates from school and others were all there and had large backpacks and extra sports bags. I only had a thin laptop in a case to carry. This was to indicate how my karmic bonds although present and perhaps more entangled and containing any number of things, like the HDD of a laptop, are still easy for me to carry. But anyway. I found your post interesting so I'll take a look. If I see something I may share it but I have no idea if you would believe whatever may come from it.

>>1186 >a bizarre looking floating creature which I think had a TV monitor as a face. As I met this creature it ‘did something sinister’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5EbceA76No

>>1182 Two months ago, I had a weightless smoky-emerald greatsword that was so fucking long that I couldn't see the other end of it. I had to modify it so that I could retract it. To my understanding, the greatsword was merely a representation of my power. Despite this, it was pretty fucking hard to properly wield that greatsword. Some time ago, the greatsword almost hit Saturn by accident, so right before it hit him, he turned it brown and made it wither away like a little plant; I don't work with him, and afaik He's not particularly mad at me about it. I kinda miss that greatsword. Shortly before that incident had happened, I'd manifested a dagger with a hilt of black non-solidified energies, but it was never quite as effective as the greatsword was at killing things. As time went on, the dagger had would manifest for me whenever I thought gung-ho thoughts, and then intrusive thoughts would immediately cause the dagger to attempt to attack something, and I had to stop it as fast as I could. Eventually, the dagger just stopped manifesting for me, which honestly is for the better. I'd also had problems with a few entities trying to disarm my greatsword & dagger, and now that the weapons don't really manifest anymore, I have more peace of mind. Anyway, it's probably for the better if I don't get a new weapon; it'd be better for me to learn a new offensive or defensive technique and just rely on willful magic to defend me. On a related note, I'd recently learned that I can stop some attacks by focusing my blood flow upon my heart; I realized an hour or less ago that doing so stops the attack by raising my vibrations above those of the attacker. Since quite some time before I started coming to /fringe/ 2 years agoit's been that long already?, I'd been able to focus my blood flow upon any desired area of my body by just asking my unconciousness to do it. I can also ask it to establish alternative blood flow to a specified area, such as a specified part of my brain.

>>1189 >hilt of black non-solidified energies Excuse me; that was the blade, not the hilt.

Ever since I started to "watermax" my fiery obsessive thoughts changed the way they operate not to mention I reconnected to some of my elements also. Like srsly. My water element contained the element of "war". I learned about the trident before it got connected to the gods and how we misunderstand what is "war" nowadays. Nowadays "war" means minor squabbles or real estate scams/money laundering but "back then" it was about true survival of the species and not mere "tribal skirmishes" like we were taught in history. I had a sort of memory with a feeling as we were on a boat and fought a large monster with longbows with harpoon sized arrows. It was like Charybdis but it wasn't that. With that I retained a mindset of the perfect war mentality. Nowadays "war" is not like that. You cannot have that mentality because you are killing "your own" and not actual monsters that do not belong in existence. >inb4 implying implication Yeah if they bother appearing as humans then they are not on the level of fuckhuge monsters that can rip you apart with a mere shriek and you need an absolute mental clarity so you and your mates can one shoot it's weakspot a moment before it kills you. With this awakened hypermindset and "true flow" I managed to destroy many beings that can be considered "natural inner demons" and "corrupted assistant souls"/parasites. It was weird. A parasite it seems I had for decades thinking that "it was me" screaming in pain and fleeing through my navel and slowly withering away. This water element is potent. Not to mention I managed to activate a sort of "mystical clarity" so I can "wash out" my darker desires. I am in such a weird stage of confusion and clarity. Not to mention after that parasite "left" I had that feeling of "If I close my eyes I will die" again. I usually have that at greater breakthroughs where my "Physical" understanding is not sure of the "next step" so I have to manually connect my intuitive senses and reach a conclusion so my energies can reform. I could hear and see many things within and without and I had to notice the pace it required. >>1186 >It’s a bit complicated It takes so much time to make things "simple" because most things are so karmicly entangled nowadays. >my grandfather transferred his soul into me at some time during my childhood Yeah... Member that ancestral karma thing I mentioned? You see everyone especially great powerful or peculiar people house sort of "Internal spirits" that are with the current understanding we have now can be called "assistant spirits/souls" of sorts. These spirits can be beneficial and harmful too. It depends how you house or use them and how you evolve them or with them. Your ancestors are "somewhat" obliged to "pass the torch". Great stories about great souls reincarnating usually go into "simple people" where they are "so empty" they can "House other (sometimes larger) souls". This topic is complicated and I am still figuring out what is what because to attain my own "soul aspects" I have to "kick out" shitty societal and ancestrally malaligned soulforms but the "hardest part" is to not "desync myself" in the process. I have to listen to the "voices" in my head and figure out their "origin". Like this mentality came from my grandpa this from my mother this was a sort of self realization but still incomplete or warped etc. This is why being a psychonaut is a necessity for "true magic". Because true magic starts merges and then gets acknowledged with(in) the "true psyche" and the true psyche must and will triumph over falsehoods but for that you have to feel the truth within and understand the nature of the falsehoods. It's no truth vs lie or good vs evil at that point because sometimes both choices are wrong and there is a hidden "true answer" or both choices are valid but still not perfected. Soulforms also can be like this. They can serve a purpose until you can "Let go of them" because you can live without them. Ofc they can be real parasitic sometimes because the "original environment" that "birthed them" changed. This is quite the problem with "Modern humans" that the environment drastically changed in the last 200 years while an ancestral spirit can range from 70-700 years of lifespan. >my grandfather became a ‘soulless husk' Yeah my family members also started to go "into that direction" but I kinda "put them to place" because they managed to amass such a familial karma they have to "work" on it and I hate to see people falling into the clutches of societal karma. It's quite different for me because I am a 2nd worlder and post communist bleakness is something few can understand. >my family has repeatedly stated that many of the behavioral changes manifested where idiosyncrasies that he had Yeah I had something similar. My great grandfather died suddenly with a heart attack during the funeral of his daughter (he literally shrugged off 3 heart attacks by not caring and drinking more when it happened but the funeral was too sad for him to shrug off) while my mother was 1 month pregnant with me. My family also told me how I share many characteristics with him with the way I walk and do some things. Ofc I am not an alcoholic because I have enough "stuff to do" so drinking the bleakness of the day away is not viable. My grandma told me she heard his voice for a while after he died. She realized that they forgot to put his "favorite work apron" into the coffin so grandma buried it into the grave fast then the voices stopped. Ever since I am continuing my awakening my family manages to "somehow" tell me these things. Ofc I had to do many karmic cleansing on them so they stop their karmic mental routines and whenever I manage to reach a breakthrough energetically SOMEHOW all my family members "upgrade" a level and fix problems in their lives that they didn't manage to fix for decades. Seeing these energetic connection corrections manifesting this easily is quite ridiculous. Punch some beings realize some karmic elemental alchemy let my emotions soar truly and other weirdness manifesting. There are so many veils of madness it's ridiculous. >his family’s barn burning down Even my great grandad had that. Damm I forgot if the horse died there or survived. Uncle just told the story last week. >transitioned to a freemason-esque ritual with people in masks At least you have the indigopill theme going on lol. Not sure what it means tbh. Freemasons are "mimicking" an old style of "gathering of gods" but they are so shit at that I need to attune myself more to know what it means. The problem with freemasons is that they are larpers first magicians second but mostly degenerates... I am saying this because this makes them hard to "follow" as you try to trace their founding and outsider forces that "help" them or enslave them. Also what I understand from the lodges is that they have so many levels that they can start from the ignorant "Hobby club" level till the most obscure weirdness that is quite unspeakable. I am mentioning this because these "lodges" house spirits. Quite the large amount. And they can latch onto others without them noticing. There is a reason why they are "masons" they need to build a temple within and without and even "empty rituals" can make an individual house them. But mere interaction with people can make you "switch souls". Bonding rituals and procedures are about switching souls with your partner then "giving it away" for the next generation because "you don't need it anymore" or you have so many you can spare a few.

>>1186 Oh and forgot to mention something. The transfer of these spirits are usually "event or energy bound" so the spirit needs to know that "it's time to move on". Like some parents are unable to give away their spirits because they either "lost" them or the descendant is not yet "ready" for it. This is also a problem with the genetic diversity humans are going through. You can have 2 or more spirits at once from the bloodlines or none. Ofc not all spirits are useful. Like there are "skill spirits" guardian spirits and weird ass avarice or other desire bound spirits that propel you to follow the "family creed" of sorts. This is why some traditions require you to cut ties with the family or tell you to not "go back" because once the old dormant spirits awaken and you are unable to stay as the new person your "ego" rips you apart. This is seriously a hard topic because the illusory nature of the self can get complicated as hell. Some people "find the light" once they get away from their family because their family is their true shadow. >since the logical solution to ‘cheating death’ would be to ‘grant death’ Yes btw. That is the way. Granting death granting the way to let go to break free to move on. Death means change in the tarot too. >bizarre looking floating creature which I think had a TV monitor as a face Ohkay this might be related? but some days ago as my water element gave me a way to flush out several of my meridians and gave a way to reconnect to my mental currents in a far gentle way I noticed that I am in a city and I noticed a tower with 3 TVs as a "head" and the TV turned on and a female looked at me. While writing this I realize that the TVs were angled like the 3 faces of the hindu deities the faces that can see the past present future at once. Damm. Whatever once noticing this I realized that the "female" is an anima force and this is the "media brainwashing channel" of the mind and with my Shaivist technomancy it way quite easy to "flush out" and as I did that I think that was when the weird being fled. I had a dream like I was in an radio show in the USA as an invisible ghost and 2 females were talking and one was saying how she had an "awakening" and they both were in some shady cult because the woman was talking how her awakening and glimpse made all the techniques they were teaching obsolete. She mentioned a "note" that contained the "enslaved spirits" that are bound to that note and anyone reading their name can summon them for whatever deed they require and how it is "meaningless" compared of some realization she had hard time putting into words. I am wondering just what this was about because the last days seems weird for others too. >found some sort of secret backroom Okay finally figured what that was. The masonic subconscious imprinting they have on the "citizens" as they have a "backroom" in the minds of most people and "Initiation" is about expanding that further in the minds of the members. I mean yes that is what being a psychonaut is finding how your internal dimensions work but I am not even sure what they are doing anymore. This is why "meaning" is important you can do the most benevolent and the most sinister things with the same methods not to mention once someone sees your "tricks" it's quite easy to exploit it further. This is why it's important to go beyond "mere tricks" and work via true and incorruptible principles as much as you can. >saw the image of a Transformer robot, which I am taking as a sign of success Metal >small scar I have on my hand Scars usually "healed" already. They just need minor mending but the underlying truth is that you have to reconnect the "true circulation" of sorts. I realized a sort of "pain healing" some weeks ago. I found an energy current that makes me feel the pain 3 times as much and as my senses are being overwhelmed by pain I notice the "true energy" within the body and I let that energy overtake the faulty bodypart. Not to mention found sort of "viral meridians" that are "not much" magically but they contain or "imprison" "disease energies" and they need to be manually cleansed by sort of letting the "imprisoned energies" "ascend" out of their wretched form. Biokinesis is real nuanced desuyo. The body is an amazing masterwork and let's say most humans are not really using it as "intended" since the golden age ended many kalpas ago. >directed me to the liver Yeah for the greeks and romans that was the "main organ" that is the container of life energy and other magical importance. I should explore that thing further too. >I was overcome by extreme mania and began speaking in tongues and writhing around for around 10 minutes Hahaha. iktf. Except for me I need an extremely clear mind to do that and be sure to "not have doubts" and "follow the process". My own mania is something else. Not always good for "specialist magic". >but the scar’s still there so I guess I need something else Don't think a "surface issue" is "Only at the surface" then ignore the underlying mechanisms. "scars" heal asap if the circulation is good. Diverting main vital energies to "heal a scar" is retarded so to "fix" that they are incresing your generation of the vital force so it's abundant enough to heal minor things like a scar. The "trick" in biomancy is that you notice your own vital forces figure out what creates grants or enhances it and fix improve those systems until you feel like a living god then "upgrade" yourself then continue deepening the understanding. I cannot even describe how I am feeling since finding my water. >maybe it will just take a few days Maybe. You need quite the energy flow to "Instaheal" things. Not to mention if it's not "through" it vanishes for a day then comes back even worse the next day and you have to go through an even longer healing method. The "problem" with "Biomancy" that once you get really "far" in magic you realize the illusory nature of reality itself and you are not sure if you "healed" the "flesh" or merely "switched" the illusion. This is why being "through" is important. But you have a working relation with Janus now. I think that is the real improvement here. We can get a new angle of magic from you. >I was treating the skin spirit as a separate entity from my skin wtf dude. also your "skin" is just the "surface" of your body. The internal developments are the crux. Everything else are the "aftereffects" of your internal health manifesting thoroughly. Whatever what you want to "do" is to literally "talk" to the body and see if there is some "energy" there and ask it to "show you the way" (which you managed to do). My body moves on it's own so I can unfuck energy clogs and other weirdness when I am doing that. I am "dancing with myself" of sorts. >than the actual mind of the physical organ Yeah there are organ souls it was mentioned sometimes in sunflower and yes they "think" but in their "own way" >“evolving the organ’s spirit” You improve the energies and as the energies improve and your psyche stabilizes you can mentally connect to them. While your bodyparts are "distinct" from you from your psyche they and (You) are still one. If you lose your organ you die or get extremely ill as a result. If it has effect upon you then it is (part of) You. You have to understand the relation of you and your body. Mind body soul. >something like that would work better I expect several paradigm shifts from you in the coming days especially if you have working relationship with Janus in a way you can be granted cosmic devices so I will stop my already longpost here. Biomancy is tricky and I too require to level up my own understanding. Especially this old "Liver oriented" one. I didn't delve into the mysteries of the liver yet. Maybe it's time for that.

>>1189 >greatsword was merely a representation of my power I would say it's your potential. >I kinda miss that greatsword You can resummon it whenever but it is just a representative of your power >>1180 > Anyway, would you tell me if I was being attacked by my shadow, or by an actual entity? Several days ago I looked at your energies and you had your inner pure energies and a weird blob of shadow enveloping your aura and they were trying to reach a equilibrium. For some reason you get "stressed" and when that happens you get less sure of your magic far less hold upon your psyche and somewhat attack yourself. It' doesn't matter if it's your "shadow" or a "different entity" because you are randomly connecting to places entities and energies when you "panic" and your self inflicted shadow attacks can also pull in weirdness. Whatever my advice is to cleanse cleanse cleanse your environment as much as you can. You will notice the origin of those problems slowly and you can figure out a working system. You stress about intrusive thoughts too much. >>1177 >I was definitely losing my marbles due to insomnia Yeah try to fix that. Sleep is important for the psyche >Introspection is proving to be pretty effective Use it as much as you can >when I say unconciousness, I don't differentiate between subconciousness & unconciousness; I lumped their terminologies together a long, long time ago, and I haven't bothered differentiating between them There will be a point where you will understand that "everything lives/thinks" but currently you need to realize that "subconscious" are parts of you conscious that you have to fix cleanse and mend while "Unconscious things" cannot "Hurt you". Like a knife cannot hurt you only if a conscious being does something with it. Yes you can step on a knife "by accident" but that will be also your conscious "decision" which will come from the fact that your subconscious didn't warn you in time. Try to be conscious of your subconscious and everything that you consider "unconscious". They are not the "source" of your intrusive thoughts. They are channels and patterns there that "let them pass through". Healthy subconscious filters these things out by default so you can focus and you can expand your awareness to see the distracting things at will. Or you can "turn off" the parts of your subconscious that "senses" these thoughts and achieve a completely empty mind. >Introspection is proving to be pretty effective Do it as much as you can. And don't forget every "attack" is a chance for growth. Grab the moment when your enemy presents it to you. Not to mention you have to solve your own issues so foreign entities cannot exploit it nor they will hamper you further. The psyche of the mundanes are whack nowadays. You have to learn to cleanse your own environment and those places you frequent because letting this madness continue are having adverse effects already. It's important to overcome the issues no matter what direction they come from. Also it seems like you are on a good path you need to meditate upon your own power and way of doing things a little more. Oh and learn to handle your own panic better. Find your inner calmness your focus zone while meditating so you can shift into whenever problems arise. And one more thing. You cannot "offend" higher and wiser beings "that easily". You need clear intent for that. They consider you as a "mere child" so most punishments will be like lectures and not a declaration of war. Don't be scared of mistakes. We all do mistakes especially at the beginning. Mistakes into miracles as they say. Walk the path and solve your ADHD way of magic somehow.

>>1192 >You need quite the energy flow to "Instaheal" things. Relevant to this. I recently encountered an issue where after transferring a large amount of a more finer-density energy to a spirit-form, I felt “dead”. Zero mental energy essentially. I was able to “recharge” by manually evoking some energy into myself but I felt that reaching this limit so easily after an energy transfer represented a weakness. The thing in my liver didn’t seem to have circulation to whatever it was that got drained. It also reminded me of how in the past I’d also get this “dead” feeling after spending too much time practicing telekinesis. I channeled a new energetic organ from Janus to rectify this, and it took the form of what appears to be a black hole or orb with light shining out from it. Like the image of a solar eclipse. Anyway. I was doing some energy body cultivation, going through and altering the various energetic centers to act as avatars for the godform for better evocation. Just channeling that force into the body locations to make the relevant changes. What surprised me was when I got to my heart area a large arm appeared and literally ripped my heart out of my chest, holding it up in front of me before taking it away. I checked and the function of the heart it took seems to have been replaced by that same eclipse-sun energy source that I obtained earlier. It seems to be working quite well so I have no complaints. Another curious thing about that cultivation operation, the Janus divine force did not change my navel energy center at all regardless of how forcefully I evoked it. Every other energy center had a very noticeable alteration. Speaking of the navel. It reminded me of an event that happened a few years ago, when I was doing a lot of practice with telekinesis. I was watching E.T., during the scene where E.T. is levitating objects around the room, and on a whim I decided to try and move a small hollow plastic cube that was lying on the floor. To my surprise I actually managed to do it, it moved a full inch across the floor in a way that was unmistakable as anything other than telekinesis. Immediately before it moved I felt a very strong energetic sensation of ‘something’ rushing out of my body from my abdomen/navel area towards the cube. So this all makes me think that perhaps the frequency of energy that interfaces most easily with physical matter is stored in this particular location. Creating a stronger circulatory system between it and external reality may help in manifesting kinetic phenomena. >The internal developments are the crux. Everything else are the "aftereffects" of your internal health manifesting thoroughly. >once you get really "far" in magic you realize the illusory nature of reality itself and you are not sure if you "healed" the "flesh" or merely "switched" the illusion. Right. I find that I keep needing to go back to revisit my intentions with these kinetic magic workings. The intention for an operation like this is to ‘confirm that it works’, or more accurately that the methodology works. But that’s not a good statement of intention, because I’ve already confirmed that kinetic magic ‘works’ with the plastic cube TK thing and I’ve already confirmed that magic itself ‘works’ via my years of practice. So to answer this I need to stop and think about what exactly my vision of a perfect success on this front would actually look like. Superpowers? What does that mean? Ability to do things? I can already do things. Some form of ‘life-pattern change’? Which brings me to something else. I have a suspicious that there’s some sort of seal or imposed limiter which is preventing the type of phenomena I’m wanting to bring about. I’m perfectly capable of doing magic that does big things, and magic that shows its effect quickly, so the issue isn’t that I’m ‘too weak’ or ‘need more power’. It’s more like there’s some sort of plausible deniability attached to the results of the spell. Such that the success of the spell doesn’t… ‘break the mold’ of my daily life? I believe it’s a sort of protective dissociation. Looking at it energetically it’s as though my local reality is a sort of bubble floating in the void and it’s connected by a wire to the rest of the universe. Insulated by distance. The effect of this is that the ‘outer reality’ manifests as a sort of thing that you project a small piece of yourself into rather than something that you live in. Which is very good for safety, since it’s incredibly easy to just retract back on your safety line if something bad happens, but it’s difficult to engage in a ‘meaningful discourse with reality’ like this. So I think what I need to do is somehow plant my ‘sphere of influence’ on the ground. And open its doors. >>1191 >"watermax" Yeah I still need to get around with working with elements. Back years ago when I was just starting whenever I invoked water it would make me intensely depressed and suicidal, might have to do a bit of experimenting with that. I keep hearing that elemental energy is the key to kinetics so looking into this will probably be useful. Need to find some way to leverage the ‘divine mana’ I can evoke into something more directly applicable to elemental energy or spirits though. A few days ago I did encounter what I think was an elemental spirit. See attached pic. He looked very strange, like his head was made out of a chocolate cookie. He sort of just flashed into my awareness, with a surprised look like we accidentally bumped into each other. Asked who he was and he replied with something along the lines of “the caretaker of these lands”. Asked him about how things were going and he was upset about some form of pollution – runoff I think. I channeled and condensed some divine mana into the form of a diamond and gave it to him, which seemed to make him pretty happy and he said it would help. Most every spirit I’ve encountered seems to be very glad to receive these divinely manifested gems (I don’t intentionally make them gems, that’s just the form it takes when I condense the energy), I’m not sure if it’s because they have a practical use or if it’s just because they’re pretty. The only exception is servitors that I’ve created myself, for them the energy simply doesn’t condense properly. Channeling the energy directly into them instead seems to suffice.

>>1194 >your heart is gone and its function seems to have been replaced You really still have compassion and humility? Also, I will say that I read somewhere that some believe that the higher self resides in the heart. Is Janus willing to let you keep your heart around, even if it isn't attached to your body anymore?

>>1197 Forgot my flag.

>>1197 >You really still have compassion and humility? Well I didn't have much of that to begin with but I think so. I haven't seen any negative side effects so far. Biggest thing is that it's much easier to evoke energy into myself to 'recharge', and much more difficult to run out. >I will say that I read somewhere that some believe that the higher self resides in the heart. After I felt how easily my nucleus got annihilated, I can’t trust any temporal object as a core anymore. Not as a ‘higher self’ anyway. Of course some nucleus is necessary for personal coherence but I can’t trust it to serve as a tether during death. So just a core for this particular incarnation, rather than for "my self". The closest thing I think I have to a ‘higher self’ is the invisible point of undifferentiated awareness that exists ‘behind the eyes of my spirit’. >willing to let you keep your heart around, even if it isn't attached to your body anymore? It wasn’t destroyed, but it felt a bit like a sacrifice.

>>1194 Thanks to my several elemental breakthroughs thoughts are flowing differently but I try my best wording some answers. The TLDR is that you are finally asking the proper questions and I am pretty sure you will somewhat figure out the answers yourself and some mysteries you just described also happened to me b4 but they have a serious depth in meaning and function so I am not sure I can fully answer them. Now that I am able to work with the "Internal elements" and I am not just saying the "mental elements" that grant psychological effects or the material elements but the very elements of life and now I am seeing how overtuned some parts of my body is... Like srsly. I am not "increasing my power" currently but figuring out which parts of myself are in "overdive" and tone them down so the other parts that are overwhelmed can get a breather and "find their place/pace" of sorts. >I felt “dead” Explore that feeling and what emotions instincts it evokes from you. Is it a sort of "tiredness" or hopelessness? Do you want to lie down? Do you feel empty? Do you have a fear of imminent death or the calm silence of "death" or it is like a mere silence between heartbeats or thoughts. >Zero mental energy essentially Yeah when I have that I go to sleep or find something that makes me "awake" by making myself angry or do some other activity that facilitates circulation while if I understand correctly you are describing a "mental blankness" of sorts. >energy transfer represented a weakness It sorta is because you need to reach an "absolute circulation" which means no matter what or how you cast you "never lose mana". Mana is a weird concept. In most games mana is different from health. In reality you can have it "different" but in truth they are sort of "one". Warlocks and other "evil classes" can transmute life into mana and priest can transmute mana into health and other weirdness but what I am trying to say is that there are "several mana pockets" in the body and it is not wise to "empty" them for retarded reasons because there are several problems. Recharging is easy if you know how to do it but it's important to never "contaminate it" not to mention sometimes internal energies are like "still water" or a small pond of water. As long as you "drain" the upper part of the "clean water" it's easy to "drink" but once you reach the "bottom" or stir it up it gets "muddy" and quickening the circulation might ruin internal balance. Truth is I thought I have a quite good grasp how this works but now that I am working and seeing my own internal energies with the "elemental lenses"... paradigm shifts are never simple. >The thing in my liver didn’t seem to have circulation to whatever it was that got drained I have a hunch that you are gonna get "Upgraded" with some higher energy and the liver is a sort of "detox" organ so having potent but still not "godly" energies there might be quite normal. I should get to that organ sooner or later I think but it's not really my focus currently. >this “dead” feeling after spending too much time practicing telekinesis Yeah I am starting to understand what you mean by "dead" now. Truth is the "thoughts" are also chemicals in the brain/mind. I realized how I can purify my own thoughts so I can "receive" divine guidance/concepts and the kind because the problem is with most entities that they "reside" on other densities so they have hard time "breaking the mold" so they can transmit higher ideas. So if I build the bridge by myself they are happy to "help" otherwise you need to do extremely specific rituals so you can "rectify" their influence via mundane means. The problem with this ofc is that I realized the reason why all mystics stayed the fuck away from mundanes and retards because as much it sounds to be a "high life" your mind has cocktails that can ignite a sun and transmit information beyond existence and dealing with mundane retardation requires a higher patience. I didn't have problem with this before because I had a sort of "dominant emotion" that I picked out and told my body to "follow it" but now that I am connecting with my "water" I am feeling several emotions at once because I decided some months ago to "Unlock" the ability where I can see the past present future as a "singular thing" and until I kept it merely "mental" it was peachy but now that I am feeling all the emotions of my past personas that I ignored so far? urrrrgh I am learning "stillness" again and how internal elementals can and got corrupted. I am getting to the earth elemental and imagine cleaning a brickhouse with a tsunami... I am trying to learn the stillness of water and earth so they "enhance" each other instead of this pure destruction that I internalized as a "defensive mechanism". >what appears to be a black hole or orb with light shining out from it There are several organs like that and seems like it purifies energy from "raw matter". Janus sees light and darkness in his own way so I might be unable to explain his "nuance". >act as avatars for the godform Godform for Janus? >I got to my heart area a large arm appeared and literally ripped my heart out of my chest, holding it up in front of me before taking it away Okay I had this also happening to me 2 years ago. A mummy appeared and tried to "steal" my heart. I punched him down by reflex and as a response he backed off and started to observe me from a distance and I noticed he is bereft of hostility and is "merely waiting". As I looked at him I realized that he is "trying to help" but he is unable to communicate. So I let him take my heart and higher entities appeared and helped me install 3 large energy circuits into my chest. They were like 3 bright golden circles. The first one connected to my heart and circulated the energy with every heartbeat while the other 2 was supposed to go to my "other hearts" as they said. Was wondering what could be the "other hearts" then realized they meant the lungs because they are also "circulatory organs" and that circulates the energies with every breath. With that I had a circulation that took me to refill me with energy under 3 sec that took a day or 2 before. They told me "that is still slow" because the goal is to have an energy circulation so fast and uninterrupted so I have "Infinite energy". That was the "base requirement" because only "infinite energy can work with infinite energy" of sorts. Then weeks later I realized that the mummy put the heart into jars that you use in mummification and realized he is "supposed" to "give back the heart" after it's "purified". He showed me the "etheric heart" and that made me understand that Egyptian scale with the feather judgement because "true hearts" that are ready to "ascend" are truly weightless. A ghost weights less than a feather no matter what only "sinners" are bound to earth and the underworld. I asked him how to "put in" that heart and because he was unable to speak he signaled to put it into my mouth and "eat it" and that made it go into where it should. Ofc since that my energy centers went through several changes but yes that also happened to me. Every body layer has a "heart" of sorts and not all of them are in a proper shape. If your ancestors weren't high magicians in both bloodlines then there is a chance you have to "Upgrade" your heart to retain your own mastery first. >did not change my navel energy center at all Yeah that part is not simple. The solar plexus is too potent or too disgusting for some forces because that is your "Internal fireplace". Once you reach a energetic purity you can house divine beings in your solar plexus and artifacts that grant you great power but you need to prepare for that. You will have to find your internal "bejeweled city" your "throne" that your "soul sits atop". Until that it's unwise to mess with that part of a person. There are extremely weird desire bound forces there. Some of them are vital as long you live and cannot

Oi it said I was only at 7990 characters... >>1200 >and cannot transcend it. >>1194 >something’ rushing out of my body from my abdomen/navel area towards the cube. Yeah that is the main powerstorage. This is why some cultivators cultivate a golden ball there until it reaches a "melting point" and awakens them. It's about internalizing the outsider energies of the environment and purifying it to the max. Takes quite the time and dedication. >was watching E.T., during the scene Yes and you had a "sense of wonder" or some other intuitive connection where you didn't even "question" if you could do it just merely "did it". Like how yoda said to not "try" "do or do not". As long as you "try" you are "accepting" that "failure is possible" and with these mental works "failure" is only within the mind and as long as you acknowledge it then it will manifest as failure. And sometimes failing at some things is better than being a reckless overzealous madman. Attaining wisdom is an another quest on the path because wisdom tempers power in a way it can turn into real power instead of a "mere party trick". >Creating a stronger circulatory system between it and external reality Yeah but for that you have to understand how energy exists "externally". The lowest understanding is "looshfarming" how sexual energy turns into "power" then there is the "crude" elemental power that comes from outsider energies but that requires a higher understanding of elemental forces and a connection with the elemental realms... Then you have the "demonic" which is understanding the "power of Hell" and the "lower forces of reality". How to create maintain your own "hellfire" to purify "sinners" and "get rewarded" for that. Now that is the way towards damnation because you will not why "God created Hell" until you go to hell. Like you can go to prison as a visitor on a class trip and not just as a criminal but that doesn't mean it will be much nicer. And if you think the shit that demons do is horrific already you have no idea what angels do and even more clueless about the retardation humans and other forces "try" to do to "imitate their ways". The more I learn the more I understand why great sages mostly prefer to stay alone in the mountains and only tell as much as they need and not a word more. Conveying these things with words gets harder and harder. Buddhists say that "saving everyone is paramount" but even they have that "find the company of wise men and leave the ignorant behind" as a necessity or you just cannot get ahead in the early stages. >‘confirm that it works’ You are a magician. Everything works if you "want it to work" and if it does not work no matter what you know where to look for answers. This is what I realized in my early psychic years. Once I house an ounce of doubt it fails but if my conviction is beyond certain then it either works or my intuition boots up and I channel a working method "out of nowhere". >I can already do things. Some form of ‘life-pattern change’? Yeah you are asking the good questions now. What I am sensing that you are looking for an "achievement" like a diploma or something that "confirms" that you are a "magician" of sorts. You are bothered how unreliable is your level now and want to go beyond that. I share this feeling because I too looked for the "undeniable truth" that cannot be shaken or moved because it is the very truth that shapes existence itself but... while facing that infinite madness I had to realize my very own "undeniable truths" that I denied for decades need to work because it gives me a shaky foundation and if I am "Unable to solve these meager problems" then I am anything but "ready" for the "undeniable truths". Might write about those later but I have to untangle some personal issues first. >sort of seal or imposed limiter which is preventing the type of phenomena I’m wanting to bring about Yeah the psyche has several. There are many "realizations" that grant an energy signature that signals that you are "ready to wield power". Every method that grants power by lowly means leads towards the worst hells. I am seeing it more and more as I go forward. Make sure you are guided by wisdom no matter where you are and what you want to do. You can be foolish we are all fools after all but never forget wisdom. Wisdom is one of the first visible manifestation of God. >‘break the mold’ of my daily life? Yeah but I am sure you prefer this "mold" instead of going to the psychward. >protective dissociation It definitely is. I found my "other mind" that "approves" magic. Well... turn out I have "dumbass minds" that constantly cast magic "out of boredom" and as I stared at an object randomly that I used to practice my own TK it started doing it "as a habit" and I personally had to tell it to STOP WASTING ENERGY. Being able to switch between these minds takes practice and ultimately you need to unify them or break the illusion of separation. Now the "rules" I operated my body and mind changed a little and I have to get used to it. Awareness is the key. Never forget that. >‘outer reality’ manifests as a sort of thing that you project a small piece of yourself into rather than something that you live in What an interesting perception. What you said it's true but I never thought about it this way. For me "Reality is what you make of it" was always and whenever I was "disconnected" was because I turned on the autopilot mode of my body so I can daydream in my personal mindspace while being still productive. I always considered myself part of reality and for me dissociation from this mundane banality was more important. This is what I am solving now. True circulation means I am one with my surroundings and "move with it". The microcosm and the macrocosm sees understands and connects like they are one and the same. Not always easy because the internal and the outer horrors of the self needs to be recognized first so the wonders can manifest unabated. >safety line if something bad happens Yeah the fear of failure is a great hurdle. I liked how in the Doctor Strange movie the master said that was the main problem of Strange. He was "perfect" and his perfectionism came from the fact that he feared to fail. If you fear to fail then you fear to learn. You fear to become the fool that walks the path and will never transcend your "perfect" false ego. >‘meaningful discourse with reality’ Heh. For some reason this sentence makes me smile. >plant my ‘sphere of influence’ on the ground I think you just have to "recognize it" then "deepen it". But yeah that is how planting manifests. You put it into the "ground" then the roots go deeper on their own and the plant grows higher if the proper nutrients are there. >And open its doors Yeah. Find the connection points.

>elemental energy is the key to kinetics And into every "instant result" magic but it is as dangerous as throwing hot iron with your bare hands and feeding sharks while being nude. You have to know what you are doing there and realize a sort of "elemental intuition". Or work with extremely strict and specific rituals but I am not expert on that. But what you will require first is the "elemental health" of the body and the manifestation of the "true psyche". >leverage the ‘divine mana’ Find out where does it come from and how it replenishes and it's "true worth". I am sure you don't want to levitate a car in a way it takes off 20 years from your lifespan. I am "bad" doing this currency thing with spirits. >directly applicable to elemental energy or spirits though You can learn to invoke evolve and guide those energies once your foundation is strong enough. It's really like "playing around" with spirits and not "transactional" on higher levels but see what works for you. I realized long ago that I dislike this "spirit materialism" because I fear that the blight of mundane materialism will infect the spirit world this way. Found out it stems from a past life experience where I seen the spirit world and the human world corrupting each other. I am not saying don't do it it's just I cannot give true advice in this way of operating with spirits. I have mountain of resources but the "real trick" is to find out what "makes the spirits move". Sometimes tickling them and saying "pretty please" can grant them better energies than a mountain of gold. Sometimes ofc... Sometimes I am invoking entire elemental realms into existence and other weirdness. Makes me realize that I should take my practice more seriously because my "Physical mind" has no idea what I am doing anymore. Pure intuition and passion can get crazy. Like sitting down in a bar drinking a beer and suddenly waking up the next morning in a room filled with drugs guns and whores marked with specific tattoos. Untangling the mechanism and the consequences of those "results" can take a while. >upset about some form of pollution Ask him what and where and maybe you can help him blow it away or something. >they have a practical use or if it’s just because they’re pretty Both >exception is servitors that I’ve created myself Yeah they are usually merely parts of your mind so loading it into them is more easy. No need to treat "true servitors" as actual beings. Ofc the complexity of servitors can vary this is why I kinda dislike this blanket term nowadays. A servitor can be like a minor cleansing or memory unit or the very aspects of reality itself. >>1197 >some believe that the higher self resides in the heart Somewhat but it's more akin to the "incorruptible parts of you". The heart clenches and closes if it gets into danger to shield itself. The heart has a mind of it's own so does the stomach and the genitals. But the heart is real complicated. >Janus willing to let you keep your heart around He will guide his heart. His heart is "not at the right place". He didn't find his "calling" his "passion" and that is the one thing he requires the most. >it isn't attached to your body anymore We sorta misunderstand what "attachment" means currently. He didn't "lose" his heart. When you lose "compassion" you don't lose your heart but close it and it closes "fully" you somewhat lose your "humanity". But this is a real hard topic understanding what is "humanity" because we managed to forget what "kindness" means nowadays. Humility can get even weirder. >>1199 >Well I didn't have much of that to begin with Your levels are normal don't worry. >I can’t trust any temporal object as a core anymore Yeah it will stay that way for a while. Then one day you will start to drift off and as you try to "hang onto" anything "solid" you will notice things that "make you" (You). But that is a personal discovery finding something that was "always there" of sorts. >invisible point of undifferentiated awareness that exists ‘behind the eyes of my spirit’. Yupp. Took me quite long to get in touch with that. I am still bad managing it. This managed to get quite long again. Tempering my creative forces takes more effort it seems.

>>1202 I made some kinda breakthrough today; I read the "other minds" bit that you posted earlier, and I supposed that my mind is largely controlled by a bunch of thoughtforms of my own making that I use to automate my mental processes so that my consciousness can do things with less effort. So today, I decided asking my "other minds" to do things for me, and they did them; they didn't do them with quite the proficiency as if I'd asked a deity to do it, but they did it with quite alotta proficiency. Like you saidor something like that, magic "just works", and if you stick any doubt in there, then that's gonna fuck the magic up. Today, I did some things with it, but I'd really love to get used to doing this stuff before I make alot more use of it; I like to get away from the stress of everyday life after work by just sitting down and playing vidya, which generally calms my nerves. If I manage to relapse a bit because I'm not exercising this new power right now, then I'm confident that I'll have it tomorrow. Also, I tried commanding my "other minds" to rip a small and a large white gem of "divine mana" outta the akasha for you as thanks; did you receive them? If so, then perhaps only your subconciousness was at all aware of it. If not, then it's not so bad to fail sometimes, and I can just try later with my more deliberate magic when I feel more comfortable with it. Speaking of which, I actually couldn't find so many things today that I was willing to afford to fail at; I had to be really careful with my intentions today since alotta them were involuntarily associated with a loss of free will, or at least a signing away of some sort of authority over myself. I'd ultimately not given into any of those, but I did find at least one thing that I could afford to fail at, and something else... which are rather personal and embarrassing, but I'm working on them and I think I'm making some kinda progress with them; I'm sure I'll get over them, and I'll learn something from it by the time I do about my mental processes. I also asked my "other minds" to stop subverting my intentions; they did stop for a while, but later after I got home from work, it started up again. I still need to figure out how to cleanse my environment at home; perhaps came from that, but I'm not asking if it did.

>>1200 >Godform for Janus? Yes, thaumaturgic physiology. >The solar plexus is too potent or too disgusting for some forces because that is your "Internal fireplace". I did manage to do something to it yesterday such that my intestines were “purified” so that they appeared white. Don’t know exactly what that means. I’ve been losing a lot of weight recently from dieting and fasting so it might be related to that. >internal "bejeweled city" I feel this is probably important, reworking that aspect of desire into something more stable and powerful. >>1201 >you are looking for an "achievement" like a diploma or something that "confirms" that you are a "magician" of sorts. That’s exactly right, I keep having the notion that in order to “graduate” from an adept to a magus I need to be able to reliably create some form of supernatural phenomena. >>1202 >You can learn to invoke evolve and guide those energies once your foundation is strong enough. The issue I ran into was that I wasn’t really sure what exactly to ask elementals after summoning. I believe the best way forward from here is to establish a general “working relationship” with them rather than summoning them individually for specific tasks. I have a hypothesis that perhaps spellforms work by acting as ‘signposts’ for spirits to take direction from. Therefore if elemental spirits are more inclined to work me then maybe my spells will by consequence have a more ‘elemental’ effect since those particular spirits are more likely to be take direction from them. I think I might need to go back to IIH and work through the basic elemental exercises again but with a ‘spirit backing’ this time. >I am able to work with the "Internal elements" and I am not just saying the "mental elements" that grant psychological effects or the material elements but the very elements of life Yeah I need to do more work to be able to differentiate these different ‘frequencies’ of elements. Right now when I do a fire invocation most of the effects are that they make my mental state ‘fiery’, but I can feel my body physically heat up sometimes. Probably just something that comes with practice. >I am "bad" doing this currency thing with spirits. I always like contracts better than favors because they were less open ended. But I found it was best to move away from that because the ‘obligation’ of the result can be troublesome. Especially since spirits see events differently than humans. So if you pay a demon to bring you some money and he brings you an ‘item of value’ instead you get a feeling of contract violation even though from the demon’s point of view the two results are the same. Nowadays I view payment more akin to how bribes in the game Morrowind work, where they just increase the other person’s ‘favorability’ so they’ll be more willing to cooperate with you. Like ‘paying tribute’.

>>1216 >my mind is largely controlled by a bunch of thoughtforms of my own making Most people are like that but the "own making" is the tricky part. Most of these "mental routines" are usually the result of environmental and genetic stimulus which means you didn't "create it by your own free will" but as a response to outsider influences. As you move forward on the path it's important to realize what creative forces come from "within" or by your "true will" and what are mere "corrupting influences" of sorts. This is why ego mastery is a key. Some influences are a hurdle especially once you try to reach higher state of consciousness while some are necessary grounding forces. Introspection and contemplation is the key here. >they didn't do them with quite the proficiency as if I'd asked a deity to do it Yeah deities usually overtake or feed their influence to some part of your mind that you are "Not using" and with that "you do the work" while they give the "way" of sorts. If you can do it with a help of a higher being you can do it on your own once you figure out the underlying energies and the truth/methodology that granted you that skill. Not to mention noticing the illusory nature of the "self" and how you constantly switch between these mindstate without realizing. While talking to different people you are in different mindstate while at work while trying to sleep while eating etc. all different parts of (You). Real nuanced tho. If I have a wrong thought while applying a yoga movement I always pull something. >magic "just works", and if you stick any doubt in there, then that's gonna fuck the magic up Yeah that was the first lesson I had to understand while experimenting with my own psychic powers as a teen. >did you receive them? Yeah I have a sort of "mailbox" system. A fairy bought it on a silver plate after asking if something came "from your direction". I have several automatic forms that operate my vicinity. They only pull my "full consciousness" in if there is something really really weird going on. I switch my mind for meditation for spirit work and I have several mindstates while using the pooter. I have to signal when I am ready to work with spirits and able and willing to receive outsider influences. Analyzed the crystal's origin and it seems it comes from a sort of "grandma force". You have an entity watching over you that I could best describe as a "grandma". Forms of divinity is something I research and was wondering which kind you sent. Thx btw. I will treasure it. But the best reward I desire is for you to continue your awakening and increase the proper wizard population of fringe. Was wondering if I should give you further pointers but it seems this grandma force will take care of you. >which are rather personal and embarrassing Yeah what you wrote is really vague. But yes the most important lesson on the path is to learn to solve your own problems as much as you can. They are either too trivial and don't require help or too complex and very few can help with it... but then again I had to learn a lesson about asking for help when I need it and don't try to fix everything on my own especially when others are more than willing to help... so yeah. It's important to know our own ways. >still need to figure out how to cleanse my environment Definitely. The most important thing on the path is cleansing your environment your mind and any other activity you consider (You)rs. >them were involuntarily associated with a loss of free will Yeah this is trick and learn to understand what is "free will" and "true will". The clear distinction might be that "free will" allows a sort of doubt and failure and can be easily influenced. Hard to explain because there are no clear lines in the sand describing what is what. Like explaining what is "freedom" is hard. But currently what you describe as "free will" is to have the ability to "retain control" or "not lose yourself" in the process. Understanding the true depth of "free" and "will" takes time. Could write essays about this but this is something you have to discover for yourself. Even I know I am not aware of the true depth of this issue yet.

>>1219 >Yes, thaumaturgic physiology. The reason I asked because "the nature of God" is kinda complicated and it's important to not make a "false God" but realize the "God within" then make it manifest further in it's true form. But a Godform guided by the influence of Janus is different because that will be your common work towards realizing your own powers with the influence/guidance of Janus. Which is a "specific" "Janusform" and not exactly the "Omnipotent" (or our idea of what is and isn't omnipotence is) godform. But trust me you don't want omnipotence from the getgo. You don't want to take a minor glimpse at a rock and experience living as a rock for 2000 years to understand the "god" within the rock aka how your "Omnipotence" is operating "as a" rock. There are differences between "Psychic potency" and the actual omnipotence of the "Great Spirit" of sorts. Ultimately they are the same but it's important to take some baby steps first. If you have a God work with him until you are ready to move onto other levels of awareness. This is why polytheistic gods are great. "Monotheistic" "gods" get "jealous" if you try to "Move on". You can never leave a "true God" because they are always within and without. But a semi self aware egregore? Now they can get vicious. Hard to explain which is which you just need to get a "feel" that they have the "wisdom of God". >I’ve been losing a lot of weight recently from dieting and fasting so it might be related to that. Definitely. Sadly I cannot operate the mundane madness and responsibilities while fasting nowadays. I need to be somewhat solitary so I can focus on proper spirit work so I don't go insane while working with somewhat raw energies. While the energies mostly operate on the mental level fasting is still "easy" but once it messes with your emotions and moves energies in and out from your constitution things get weird. But discover your pace. I had several fasting arcs on my path and will have many more once I stabilize. I am just less zealous with not eating for days nowadays. Starving becomes addicting once you get past a tipping point. >I feel this is probably important, reworking that aspect of desire into something more stable and powerful. Ofc it is. That is your power your authority your soul forge the "middle burner" if we go by the chinese medicine that I am getting into nowadays. (I am so glad I only started reading it now when I personally experienced some places and phenomena it talks about on my own and I can relate quite well to that "autism". Magic is an art and science and our current scientific understanding is barely able to grasp it's true depth.) >to “graduate” from an adept to a magus Yeah this is why I like wuxia and xianxia. There is always a "bigger guy" that reminds you how meager your "mastery" is but if you have good morals your intentions are pure and "fate" favors you then somehow everything just works out or not lol. Hard to describe what counts as an "achievement" in magic because whenever you climb a mountain you see an even higher mountain in the distance not to mention true magic comes from "depth". How deeply you can understand some concepts and mechanics. But at that level you become an autismo of the highest grade who just want to sit on a mountain alone forever honing his craft and lose all your "human connections"/distractions. This is why meaning is always paramount. Knowing why you are doing this and never forgetting your reasons. I too had to overcome these hurdles and I still have to remind myself why am I doing some energy movements because some of them are really messing with my personality matrix and I need to know no matter what why am I doing that and it's not some lower desire or an "ego influencer/subverter" entity is fucking with me. >from an adept to a magus Also it's kinda complicated because there are no magic institutions nowadays. You become a "magus" when your powers become not just recognized but "undeniable" as well. You will know it when you are "there" but don't be too hung up on the "concept" because it might blind you. Don't forget that this is a journey and a process. "Titles" will be granted when you are worthy of them and with the titles usually responsibilities come along as well. As a "magus" you will have a pride a creed a mastery you want to stay true to. An "arrogance" only those can "allow" that have true power. Until that there is no point of worrying thus creating an another attachment that slows down your mental faculties. >The issue I ran into was that I wasn’t really sure what exactly to ask elementals after summoning :) This is why meaning is paramount. But yeah iktf. I have so many forces I have no idea what to do with it... so usually they get the "harmonizing" and "help me on the path if you can" directions. I am not exactly "desireless" but I know that most of these forces have limits to what and how they can do things and their operation range is quite specific until I help them expand it. >believe the best way forward from here is to establish a general “working relationship” with them Yupp. You got it right. This is what you want. Become a mediator between words for mutual benefit. With that you understand your own nature and the nature of the forces you work with. >hypothesis that perhaps spellforms work by acting as ‘signposts’ for spirits to take direction from Exactly. Do you have dreams when you mindlessly wander at some places and do things without thinking? Some "signposts" direct energies this way and they grant the greatest results. The reason why spirit work is important to know how the spirits "see" these things because there are many "negative signposts" you have to eradicate so the spirits can move freely again. They are sort of "temporal hells" manifesting and they slow down the flow of energies and cause problems for no reason. You fix one and suddenly all people become happier and more productive "out of nowhere" around these energetic locations. As a physically incarnated and awakening person you have ways to move between the worlds and share and influence the changes. >more likely to be take direction from them Yeah they need to "like you" of sorts. They will like you because you have a good or compatible elemental disposition good virtue or other attributes they like and it's easy to work with. Elementals are like children or animals sometimes. They have simple mindsets but it's not easy to completely tune into it and it's easy to fuck it up or misunderstand intentions at the beginning. >I might need to go back to IIH and work through the basic elemental exercises again Same. >Nowadays I view payment more akin to how bribes in the game Morrowind work This is quite the good perspective >increase the other person’s ‘favorability’ Truth is your energies are increasing their "compatibility" and their "willingness" because it will fuel them as an "inspiration" like when you cannot sleep because you feel "you have to do something first". Some spirits are more carefree while some of them are real dutiful so it's important to learn to "communicate" with them.

>>1219 >keep having the notion that in order to “graduate” from an adept to a magus I need to be able to reliably create some form of supernatural phenomena What scale of supernatural phenomena are we talking about here? I feel myself that using any of these rank flags by now will just lead to people expecting certain things although the description used for them is pretty vague, along with personal proficiency being a determining factor of what field you may succeed in, which may clash with some idea of what "reliable results" really are. Often it's for me at least a process of a series of spells cast towards a goal that fulfills it, but often the actual mechanic of the method used doesn't in the slightest seem to contribute towards that goal in the end. I often experience the defined and specific purpose to have even an opposite effect to what I intended, but then some seemingly random side effect leads to the result I wanted. Sometimes the effects do the job but are extremely chaotic, like one time when trying to protect a bank for reasons based on a hunch about some bad meddling being prepared. This resulted in a sudden knife attack in the street by a person who turned psychotic on the spot, which in turn called emergency services there. The sirens and commotion scared a gang of robbers who had planned to hit the bank and they crashed their car, police went there and found weapons in the car and they were arrested. If this a reliable result? The effect was achieved as intended, but in a rather messy way. >The issue I ran into was that I wasn’t really sure what exactly to ask elementals after summoning Excuse my retardation but then why summon them? To me magic is a means to an end, like ordering pizza. I wouldn't call them and then not know why I called them.

>>1225 >What scale of supernatural phenomena are we talking about here? Basically what Ironpill said, on a level that's 'undeniable'. Ties into this >but then why summon them? To me magic is a means to an end, like ordering pizza. I want mastery of the cause, not the effect. Results-based magic is useful but the possible effects you can achieve with it are limited by the extent of your ‘sphere of possibility’. I believe that learning the precise causal mechanism by which these results manifest expands this sphere. This also makes it more reliable since you can more accurately predict what exact effect your spell is going to have.

>>1233 >the possible effects you can achieve with it are limited by the extent of your ‘sphere of possibility’. I believe that learning the precise causal mechanism by which these results manifest expands this sphere I think this view is both correct and also not. The movie Windtalkers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wr10pK02FH4 comes to mind because it has a scene which is typical of this thinking imo. They're trying to break through the enemy lines, but can't because the artillery is too accurate. So they send a small team to "play hero", because it's a movie after all, and that team sneaks like ninjas behind the lines and take out the communication post, causing the enemy artillery to lose their eyes at the front, after which they storm forward. These are the kinds of things they want you to believe in, but rarely does something like this work, where some complicated plan hinging on a specific mechanic creates the win. While it's necessary to know your equipment in a setting like this, to use this example, you have to know how to shoot and drive, anything at a higher level of complexity isn't likely to have much effect. The British institute for the study of war released a report some while ago detailing how weapon systems are actually being used in Ukraine. They said that the low education level caused by the high circulation (meat grinder tactics) of manpower had reduced the tactics to the very basics. Rather than using smoke like in NATO doctrine, they use indirect fire to shock and confuse the enemy. This isn't what the NATO shells were made for, rather those are meant for direct aim and doesn't have much area of effect. But bringing different types of shells to the tank crews or giving smoke grenades to infantry doesn't work in the chaos of battle. They can't coordinate and will use the smoke in ways that play in the hands of the enemy, use high accuracy shells for indirect fire, anti-tank shells on buildings and so on. The point I want to make here is that >>1233 >learning the precise causal mechanism by which these results manifest expands this sphere This effect, while existing, has diminishing returns beyond the bare basics. And this is true also in magic. When you throw your creation out to meet reality, you are exposing it to chaos, and the order of events are probably completely impossible to predict, aside from the basic mechanics at the level of "give someone a gun and they will maybe shoot someone". For this reason I usually test things with a mostly "blank" mind in terms of expectations, as much as is possible, then try to understand how to get the effect to be more accurate over time. Going along with the example above, one such conclusion may be >give someone explosive shells and they will shoot explosive shells >give someone smoke and they will shoot smoke So from this, when adding chaos to the scene, the smoke is more likely to just cause more chaos because of wind and the risk of just messing up in general because it requires a tactical level of thinking beyond "see enemy, shoot enemy", which is the most likely response for the grunt. To reduce the likelihood of "harmful chaos" in this situation, don't give them smoke. That's trying to explain my view at least.

>>1236 This is true if you’re acting as the general, but what about when you’re acting as the soldier? If you’re the one shooting the explosive shells or the smoke then the results seem to be a lot more predictable. It’s a matter of breaking up the ‘end goal’ on the chain of events so that there’s less steps separating it from the origin point. Which makes it easier to predict what’s going to happen. So if you tell someone to ‘kill that guy’, all manner of things could result from that. But if you aim a gun at the person yourself and pull the trigger, you can pretty easily outline all the possible outcomes that may result from that action and arrive at a pretty reliable conclusion of how that outcome came to be at the end of the operation.

>>1238 > But if you aim a gun at the person yourself and pull the trigger, you can pretty easily outline all the possible outcomes that may result from that action and arrive at a pretty reliable conclusion Can you though? This is were the complex karmic circumstances come into play. So maybe you do bring the gun, you aim according to your training and you pull the trigger. But the guy you are aiming at has a "protected fate", some deity made him" the component which a divine plan'' hinges on. Then you say "but that guy already killed such and such, he's a criminal, I need to kill him so he stops doing bad things." But maybe in his DNA are important skillsets which needs to be passed on, and the planning higher spirit invested into this guy to live on, even if he's now a criminal, that will have to be handled after he's dead naturally. So you are not allowed to kill him, and something unexpected will happen which saves him. This is understood by you are "chaos" because you pull the trigger and then... nothing. The gun jammed. He sees your attempt and pulls his own gun, now you're dead. To you, "chaos" saved him, but that is how a higher pre-set plan manifests. Since a higher power created it, you do not -as a regular magician- have the right to know this. So you can only call it chaos. When calculating the success rate of your workings, you then have to take this into account: there is always the risk/chance that there is a higher circumstance based on to me unknown principles which can overrule my work and intent. So that is why a safety clause is included in any successful spell working. Anything like a safety valve saying "do this, according to karma", or "do this, unless this is ruining divine plans" and so on. Failing to include this, will lead to possible, unpredictable and severe backlash against you. Now that's one way this can be spoken of. In the situation with the general, you can only pray that the guns you gave your soldiers are used in a way that is in line with higher plans. Trying to nullify them by making your plan "fail safe" may actually create absolute disaster for your effort. Say if you made such a plan, and it still is violating a pre-planned event created by a deity. Then maybe they are "forced" to create a massacre on your army to prevent your plan from ruining the divine plan. Then you end up with things like the original "kami kaze", the divine wind which destroyed the army of kublai khan at sea. That is why a calculable chaos is better to just include and let the rest indeed be a dice throw where you get better at working with chaos over time, by reducing the risk of stepping on things you shouldn't step on.

>>1239 But even then you can group most of those occurrences to the outcome of "an outside force interfered", and you can then measure the nature and mechanism of that interference to understand it. And then you'll be able to work with it and factor it in more accurately to your future predictions. Getting a feel for the 'flow of fate' operates, or being able to recognize the presence of a spirit or divine force that is opposed to your actions before you pull the trigger, even when you're still in the process of just planning it. Integrating the manipulation of microcosmic forces with the manipulation of macrocosmic forces. In my opinion, the proper response to the sudden introduction of an unknown factor should be to study and analyze it so that it’s no longer an unknown factor in future operations.

>>1240 There are different approaches to how this can be done. My stance is that the external, unpredictable unknowns are potentially "endless" in number, given that time progresses forward constantly. Any assumption on the nature of events are drawn from currently existing reference points, which will undeniably be made irrelevant as more data points are added to infinity. So the truth of the form of these principles will be revealed, but only as time progresses to eternity, with the form being more sustainable the closer it is to matching the state of "endless data points". Because of this, it's more relevant to "train the model" by adding more and diverse references to actual events, than it is to scientifically study the nature of "black swans" which may appear anytime in the future. Those predictions are always made based on historical knowledge, so unless the chaotic events are based on the same principles, it cannot be predicted. But would it then be needed to calculate them? Then they would not be chaotic to us. That is why I advocate an approach where you learn how to "throw the dice better" and exposing yourself to chaos over and over, rather than trying to understand and predict what is by its nature, in relation to me, always unpredictable until seen. So the solution is to have solid principles internally within my own limited scope, rather than trying to study the external.

>>1223 What I describe as free will is having the ability to make my own decisions, such as the decision to lift my hand up, or the decision to get in bed; if I didn't have what I believe to be free will, then something outside of my control would be making those decisions for me, while I suppose that my true will would be sitting there in the body, forced to experience it all happening. I wanna say that my "intrusive thought" problem seems to arise from a sort of cautious pessimism; basically I think, what could go wrong if I do this thing? And then I'm imagining it, and I can't tell the difference between spiritual reality and my imaginationas I've said in another thread, and then suddenly, I'm convinced that it's actually happening. I even do this stuff without deliberately thinking about it at times. It can just happen passively; that is, my automation thoughtforms sometimes do this stuff without me asking it to. I kinda don't think that expressing that will help get my problem solved, but it does let some emotion out just saying it. Speaking of which, a few months ago, Jesus told me that my problems are being caused by an immense amount of emotion; stress, anxiety, fear, & paranoia, being bottled up inside of me with out there being any proper outlets for them. Is there a way to just magically let these emotions out without hiring a demon or some shit to rip it outta me? Going by Montalk, I suppose most of my emotional energy is static emotional energy... in fact, I just read the Montalk article on emotional management after writing that, and now I suppose that I've got a fuckton of energy built up into internal thoughtforms that might just be looshing the fuck outta me. If there isn't a way to magically rip out the emotions without having to actually experience them, then I'm gonna have to figure out some sort of way to let out my fear of losing my agency without me actually losing my agency. Also, a spirit woman, not my spirit gf, came to me last night while I was trying to sleep; I had a vision of her entering my room while I was in an altered state of awareness and I could actually see her in the vision. I briefly saw her last month during states of emotional distress, and when she came to me this time I just said I don't wanna deal with spirits now because I need some fucking sleep. She looked like a white human with light brown hair in a bun behind her head, and I'm not so sure about what she wore, but I think it was a white shirt & blue jeans. After I woke up, I felt a tall white presence next to me that clearly wasn't my spirit gf; probably the same spirit. She didn't exactly seem hostile, at least. Any idea who she was? The time before that when I saw her, she was hugging a human man I'd never seen before who was taller than her.

Free will has nothing to do with your wants and desires. Free will is the power we all have for this realm to mirror externally our internal energetic state. Everything else is deterministic.

I'm posting here now since I feel like I'm in some sort of danger, or at least I'd felt like it. Also, I guess it'll help to let some emotions out. Earlier today, I was pressured more than usual into having compromising intentions; like if I tried to refer to myself, my intentions would get redirected to some sorta reptilian, as if an external being was trying to make me conflate myself with a reptilian. I'm very familiar with this type of mental subversion. Near the end of my shift at work, I unexpectedly slipped into a state of hypnogogia for probably just several seconds, and I saw a few grey reptilians bound together in the form of a liquid, and they were dripping downwards against some white background into some white hole, and I got the impression that they were being removed from me. I then felt relieved, or at least I'd thought so, and then I tried allowing myself to feel emotions that I usually don't allow myself to feel. Normally, I suppress my emotions due to this compromising thought problem, but this time I decided to just let it go since it'd probably be good for me and I thought it'd be safe. A few minutes later, however, while I was doing so, I felt a black substance wrap itself around my heart and enter it, and it wouldn't come out. Later that day, after I got home, I logged into a very mundane website; earlier that day I was having to make sure that I wasn't signing away any sort of agency by providing my signature on anything, such as a receipt, by constantly dismissing involuntary thoughts that'd falsely asserted so. Anyway, when I logged into that website; one I'd logged into a bunch of times before with no such issues, I felt like I'd just accidently signed away my agency, and then immediately, my imagination was taken to a place of dark green energies, and I'd unexpectedly heard "welcome brother" from a reptilian. I fucked outta there immediately and tried a bunch of shit including my own magic to get my agency back. After I did what I thought would re-secure my will against those damned aliens, I managed to get a consecutive hour or two of mental clarity by asking Hermes, the master of ascended masters himself, to come down here and help me. I'd then commanded my environment to cleanse itselfwhich I'm not entirely sure if it worked since I'd arbitrarily done it myself, and then I'd spent what felt like 2 hours standing in one place without leaving my spot and doing what I suppose qualifies as shadow work. This work had generally consisted of summoning up compromising thoughtforms, energies, & programmings one by one, commanding them to leave my body and go outside, disperse themselves into loosh, change their polarities into positive loosh, and then disperse themselves into the soil, after which I'd command the earth to disperse the energies amongst the earth's soil. I thought it was working while I did it, but now that it's over I don't actually feel much different, and I feel like I'm still in danger. I kinda feel like what he wanted me to do was to actually accept all of those thoughtforms, programming, and energies into me instead of getting rid of them, and then re-program them while they're inside of me. However, if it turned out that there was actually a foreign entity inside of me, then that clearly wouldn't work because those aren't part of me. I tried asking Hermes about this, but I have a super hard time hearing what spirits tell me, and I feel like maybe it was just my pessimism being out of control and making me think he told me that when he really didn't, so I don't even fucking know; I have too hard a time clearing my expectations of what spirits are gonna say in reply to what I do. Would the kinda "shadow work" that I did normally be at all effective, or considering >>1193 , would that have just made my problem worse? Now that today has happened, I'm starting to feel more certain that I am actually getting attacked by external entities in addition to me having my internal problems.

>>1248 Also, I'll say that I don't quite understand this. This is probably largely because my understanding of free will is too deeply rooted within what I assume to be the mundane definition of free will(which for me is rooted even deeper by a ton of trauma), wherein if you get possessed by a spirit, you lose your bodily agency. I feel like if I tried to ponder too deeply upon that definition and challenge my beliefs about it, then something bad might happen to me, considering the problem I'd just described. Well, now that I think about it, maybe I didn't actually just sign away any of my agency, or I really am so wrong about what agency & free will even mean... well fuck it I'll try figuring it out, so are you saying that if I lose my free will, then my magic will stop being able to make reality externally mirror my internal energetic stage? Would you please provide a more detailed explanation of what free will means?

>>>1253 >This work had generally consisted of summoning up compromising thoughtforms, energies, & programmings one by one, commanding them to leave my body and go outside, disperse themselves into loosh, change their polarities into positive loosh, and then disperse themselves into the soil, after which I'd command the earth to disperse the energies amongst the earth's soil. I thought shadow work was supposed to be about integrating the shadow? Sounds here like you’re further divorcing the shadow from yourself instead. Which is very likely the source of your feelings of being attacked my something external. Of course, the entirety of your external environment is technically part of your “unconcious mind” in a manner of speaking. Hard to toe the line sometimes between recognizing ‘sympathetic resonance’ and falling into solipsism. >I kinda feel like what he wanted me to do was to actually accept all of those thoughtforms, programming, and energies into me instead of getting rid of them, and then re-program them while they're inside of me. Yes, do that. >However, if it turned out that there was actually a foreign entity inside of me, then that clearly wouldn't work because those aren't part of me. What is “you”? It’s not your body, and it’s not your mind. There’s part of it in both though. Find an answer to this that you can reliably fall back on to show yourself your “immortal soul”. That’s important. >I have too hard a time clearing my expectations of what spirits are gonna say in reply to what I do Empty mind meditation 10 minutes a day will fix this. In IHH Bardon talks about a technique of invoking Akasha into yourself to become spiritually invisible (pic related), this works very well too, it's what I use when I start to feel myself generating interference. You should also experiment with automatic writing and divination tools like pendulums. >>1254 >if you get possessed by a spirit, you lose your bodily agency You also lose bodily agency if you have a stroke and get paralyzed. But you still have free will in that situation. This ties back into figuring out what “you” are, separate from the things that “you” are controlling.

>>1253 >external being was trying to make me conflate myself with a reptilian >grey reptilians bound together in the form of a liquid, and they were dripping downwards against some white background into some white hole >heard "welcome brother" K asked around and it seems you just awakened in a "reptilian sphere of influence". You are not exactly a reptilian but they acknowledged you "as one" because your psychic skills are connecting to parts of their "egregore" or influence. Consider them like any other entity around. Imagine having mexicans or some Portuguese people around. Not all of them are bad. If they offer you something you can say no and if they do anything hostile kick them out. I too dealt with reptoids and I am not a big fan either but they are on earth for a while and they have to respect magicians no matter what. Reptilians are better psychics by default compared to the average human but humans can "randomly" awaken to unbelievable levels then invoke Gods out of nowhere and other protective entities so reptoids know they have to keep things "civil". >I'm very familiar with this type of mental subversion. You are??? There are several ways of this and acquiring a "reptilian body" is "nothing special". That doesn't mean you have to be "stuck" in that body. It just becomes an another body you can transform into on the astral. I am not saying to accept it blindly but observe it and see where it leads. I was some ancient proto feathered reptilian in the long long past and have some "dragon" formations too but I would never call myself a reptilian. Not all reptilians are the same. Observe it and feel where their influence lead. Or ignore them and focus on more important issues first. >I felt a black substance wrap itself around my heart and enter it, and it wouldn't come out. Yeah I noticed it some weeks ago that you have your inner bright aura and a darker energy enveloping it and you constantly fought it because you didn't realize that is your own shadow energies. No light without shadow. I am not considering it as an external entity but you have to observe it more closely and try to talk to it in a gentle way. Currently you don't know what is your own energies and which are foreign energies. And as a magician you should be able to command every energy that is within your aura. If you think you lost control it is a mere illusion... or you misunderstood what control means by the get go. I too had to understand how I moved my hands the first time as I was born and how I formed words for the first time so an another "deeper control" could awaken. For that I had to let go all my faulty workings. >I felt like I'd just accidently signed away my agency You have to understand that it's not that simple. It's not a 'gotcha' kind of thing where you fall for a prank or something. Signing away your agency must be extremely deliberate and it needs to align to your highest and lowest wills. It needs to create a "destiny" level bond. Like a marriage you not just cannot but never ever want to divorce from. Agency is not like missclicking and accepting some cookies from a website. >tried a bunch of shit including my own magic to get my agency back Yeah these panic reactions are quite normal on your level but you will have to understand what happens when you "let go" and understanding if it was truly your "agency" or you put too much pressure and merely "making yourself lose agency" by overthinking. >re-secure my will against those damned aliens I too had similar when greys almost convinced me that I am an old grey on their planet and almost put a grey soul into me but as it happened I realized lol no fucking way faggots and threw them out. I realized that their thinking is compatible with my own autism to some degree but not with my magic and how I operate my psychic powers. Their mentality is too artificial too sterile. Powerful but it has a ceiling they cannot go over that easily and once I realized they can be overpowered THAT EASILY I realized something is not adding up. But they had an interesting psychic wiring way that helped me boot up my awakening some years ago. Let's say they are not the only ones that can analyze the biology of other species. But it's quite a long topic and I don't want to get into now. My relationship with them is weird as hell. >which I'm not entirely sure if it worked You have an aura that is finally becoming dominant but whenever you panic you allow other foreign forces and help them manifest them in your vision. You will have to lay down some rules how entities can appear within your vision and what they can do and if you allow them to communicate with you. I have a "do not disturb during mundane hours" sign installed and a "only those entities can enter that will help me on my path" so if they enter then they signed up to that deal which means they WILL HELP no matter what. Which means they either help me with divine wisdom or guidance or they help me sharpen my blades and warm up my etheric muscles as I beat the living shit from them as training bags. But this is not a "gotcha" thing. They "know" what they signed up to. This is no accident. Most of my troubles come from my own energetic mismanagment when I pull in weird influences then I realize OOPS MY BAD then slowly let go of them and let my internal and external balance return. For you this will be a paramount task. Understanding what balance means and how much energetic and spiritual pressure you can take. >now that it's over I don't actually feel much different He balanced you out and didn't exactly "upgrade" you. Ascension and awakening must be deliberate to some degree. You cannot randomly just ask a dude to do it. you have to open up on your own with his help. But it varies person by person. It can happen a myriad of ways. >I feel like I'm still in danger Your threat detector is so muffled I cannot pin down what you are feeling besides a weird mix of confusion and paranoia. >if it turned out that there was actually a foreign entity inside of me, then that clearly wouldn't work because those aren't part of me This will be important. There are millions of minor foreign "entities" within you. Not all entities think and act the same way as you. They fulfill minor tasks. The same way you have trillions of bacteria within. Most of them are neutral while some of them are beneficial too. You need to energetically "level up" so you can "let go of them" until that they are part of you as the breakfast you ate in the morning. Until you digest the important parts you are unable to "shit it out". Not to mention your intrusive thoughts are so meager I cannot even detect them. Like I have several thoughts about many violent things during daytime so I "psych myself up" because the mundane world is so bleak I almost fall asleep and while I am working on it every day it takes time to completely clear them out. Some habits die hard. This is why most lower entities avoid me. You don't want to enter into someone who is just looking for a punching bag or a test subject. >maybe it was just my pessimism being out of control Your mundane mindset is fighting your magical mindset. That causes your "pessimism". Your magical mindset is not your own TRV MAGIC of sorts but a hodgepodge of ideas which you are still experimenting with. Because of that it is still not truly "above" your mundane mindset which means they are competing. Until you prove (You)rself that you are the real thing you will have these doubts constantly. Even if someone challenges your agency you will brush it off like it's nothing once you find your own true will and your sense of "destiny". You will have to meditate on this further and understand you own doubts.

>>1224 >The reason I asked because "the nature of God" is kinda complicated and it's important to not make a "false God" but realize the "God within" then make it manifest further in it's true form. >That is your power your authority your soul forge the "middle burner" Had a related occurrence to this week. I was mediating a lot on intention and desire since I perceived that this was a weak point of mine. I have been finding that a clear and proper intention with realistic pre-visualization is incredibly important for proper spellwork. I have a bad habit where I tend to “dress up” my intention in a lot of words, which ends up obfuscating it, but from a spirit perspective the underlying meaning and intention is the primary aspect of everything. So I was meditating on desire, and I had a few thoughts, and eventually those thoughts formulated into what I would call a “true desire”, that is, something that you want 100% for its own sake and no other reason. This being a desire for immortality. I locked it in (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWMdLtPYc_I), and immediately afterwards I felt a shift in my being, and saw that I had grown a sort of golden energetic ‘soul’ thing in my navel. As this happened I noticed that the artificial spirits I were working with at the time had shifted to resemble small stuffed dolls. I took this to represent a deepening of my perspective, such that my previous constructs were comparably “shallow”. After this, I contacted Janus to see what he could do. After I transmitted my intention, an arm descended from the sky and took out the golden soul from my navel, which I allowed. This left a large black hole. The next day, a hand descended again and place a silver-white flame in the hole, which I took to be fulfillment of the intention. Immediately I noticed that this caused a large change in my spellcasting ability. Usually when I want to charge a thoughtform, I ‘channel’ energy from an external source/plane by connecting my mind to it. However, after this silver flame was placed inside of me, I found that I could no longer intuitively do this. So instead, I tried drawing energy from the flame itself, and this worked extremely well. It seems a lot more powerful than my previous technique, but it still needs some getting used to.

>>1253 >so I don't even fucking know You will have to get int ouch with your intuition and forget this "attachment" of "knowing things". Quite hard I know. Even I cannot hear some things if I am focusing on a single mental channel in my head. The spirits talk from all directions and if you focus only on a single direction you might block your ears to hear them. >I have too hard a time clearing my expectations of what spirits are gonna say in reply to what I do Don't stress upon it just let them "say it". I read like a decade ago some mundane smartass who said that prophets of the past "heard their own thoughts and thought that it's the voice of the Gods" It's a "yes but actually no" kind of thing. Your "mind" is merely "translating" the informational energies and as your mind becomes more open and more compatible the messages become more clear and gain nuance. Like the tone of the voice changes the vocalbulary increases images and feelings might appear with the words etc. It must happen effortlessly in a gentle way. It must never be violent overtake or the owner of the body might give a psychic recoil in response. >would that have just made my problem worse? You have to stop thinking in "better" and "worse" terminologies. This is a process. Shadow work is a through and depth journey. It needs to "Get worse" so it can get better. You have to breach a threshold. "Lightworkers" are shat on in proper spiritual circles because they fear the most minor glimpses of the shadow so much they fall into traps constantly because they are chased by a demon of their own making because they never ever dare to face it. They just flee into an another false light. You will have to find your own light then go beyond it and find the all colored but ultimately colorless truth. >more certain that I am actually getting attacked by external entities in addition to me having my internal problems. Yeah I am usually punching things too hard until I start to feel that I am punching myself then once noticing which "part of me" that is I cleanse it and try to let it merge into the right place. My aggro ways are not good long term but if you are uncertain of the influences then punch first ask questions later. My guides got used to the fact that I am chocking them if they appear too soon. I am not really choking entities nowadays but... old habits die hard. >>1254 >Also, I'll say that I don't quite understand this Oh don't worry I want to nitpick what he said too but it's getting late for me and I feel like he won't even respond properly but pretend to be mysterious. >(which for me is rooted even deeper by a ton of trauma), Yeah I wonder what that is for you. I mean I was beaten and abused by my mom because of her own insecurities dad tried to kill me once as a joke and other retardation that is pissing me off because they "didn't mean it" so I never really had the chance to "get back at them" because once I started to grow the fuck up in my late teens then reached my twenties they started to fear me without me noticing it. I am still angry about them sometimes but my real issue is that I have hard time "saving them" because their issues are so deep rooted that started several generations ago and you cannot blame others for "being weak" and succumbing to the madness of the world. Even I cannot say I am completely above these influences. But I have to let them take me over from time to time so I can observe their effects and find the root cause of the issue that generates it. Sometimes it's just some retarded mental pattern or even a decade old parasite in the body making you do dumb shit. Sometimes I even manage to energetically punch them out from other people by reflex. Then they suddenly feel better and become far more amicable. >wherein if you get possessed by a spirit, you lose your bodily agency There is a "depth" in possession. You can be "possessed" for mere channeling needs. To hear a spirit it needs to "partially possess" you. You are already possessed by many influences. We all are. Your genetics also possess you in a way. >I feel like if I tried to ponder too deeply upon that definition and challenge my beliefs about it, then something bad might happen to me Yes it fucking will. You will finally understand your own thoughts and will need to understand that some "intrusive thoughts" are your own darker desires that arise because of some neglect or some dumb life choices while some thoughts that you considered your "own" are not yours at all. This is why this deep introspection is necessary as hell otherwise you will run into these problems constantly not knowing if it's (You) a mere influence or inspiration or some entity directly feeding you information without you knowing the reason for that. >Well, now that I think about it, maybe I didn't actually just sign away any of my agency Duh. The mayor is not "owning your soul" just because you are in the population registry. Not how it works. Signing things usually entails what you signed up for and until you fully understand "what you signed" it can be challenged no matter what. >I really am so wrong about what agency & free will even mean Not exactly "wrong" it's just you have shaky conceptual foundations and you are on a level where you have to deepen your own understanding. >I'll try figuring it out Atta boy. >Would you please provide a more detailed explanation of what free will means? Wonder if he dares to do that or he is the kind of person who "fears to overshare otherwise he stops being mysterious" Even if I wrote a lexicon a day I wouldn't be able to cover my own mysteries because they are that convoluted sometimes. >>1256 This is also good advice. You should deepen your understanding of your "own Akasha" or your connection with Akasha. I forgot to mention it before while always feeling the need that I should mention it. Your Akashic understanding is still too superficial but I cannot say I see it the same way as Brandon either. But let's not get into that now. >>1258 >I have a bad habit where I tend to “dress up” my intention in a lot of words Usually I just argue with myself if I "truly want it" and when I know all my desires and intentions are lined up and there are no doubts within me the "perfect zone" for the spell arises and I know exactly what I have to do. >from a spirit perspective the underlying meaning and intention is the primary aspect of everything. Exactly. Also seems like you are getting initiated into a path. The silver-white flame is sentient. It murmurs something I cannot understand yet. Have fun with it. I know many aspects of the many flame types but not all of them and was wondering about the metaphysical properties of mercury aka quicksilver yesterday so this might tie into my desire for a deeper understanding. Will watch the vid later.

>>1258 >vid >Xavier lol For some reason I thought it will be some long explanation vid about something and not a 7 sec clip. That show was great. Wonder if we can get more of it sometimes. Or it will be as good as it was originally.

>>1259 Glad to see you back, odd you've been gone for a week.

>>1261 Busy with mundane matters and my inability to answer with a single sentence requires me to sit down and waste an hour without even noticing sometimes. Discovered too many things again and they become harder and even more unnecessary to put into words as I move forward. Those who know know. But I am questioning what it means to know nowadays. My main knowledge base is starting to tip into intuitive knowledge too much and as my earthly experiences shrink compared to it "knowledge" starts to gain a new meaning. Socrates tried to explain this but he didn't manage to go beyond the "Philosopher" stage. Might write about that later. It's late here.

>>1257 >this type of mental subversion >yeah I wonder what traumatized you I've said this in another thread, but I've been dealing with my intentions being subverted at a foundational level for the past several years, with only a single day of peace from them during the first year or so of it. Around the time when this started, I'd tried becoming a proper roman catholic, and I even went so far as to stop cursing altogether; I think I might've even managed to stop mentally cursing, but I don't remember that part as well. I curse all the fucking time these days, though. This next part I don't remember so well, but eventually, my intentions changed in some manner; I suppose I'd thought back then that my soul felt "whiter"; mind you, I'd known next to nothing about occultism back them. But anyway, at some point, the intrusive thoughts started and they subverted my prayers, despite my constant prayers to make the thoughts stop. I guess this all happened because I was repressing too much emotion in an effort to become virtuous, and then that repressed emotion turned into a thoughtform that began parasitizing me. Eventually, it got so bad that I couldn't pray for more than a few seconds at a time without my intentions getting subverted. The only thing that stops my intrusive thoughts is being entertained in a non-stressful manner, which typically meant video games. If you don't think this constitutes "real trauma", then I really don't blame you due to my love of high standardshell this wouldn't even be high standards; it'd be below-average standards, but for what it's worth, I consider myself to have an unusually-low amount of stress tolerance.

>>1268 Now that I've gotten some sleep, I've finally realize that I'd neglected to describe how the intrusive thoughts fucked me up. To sum it up real fast since I've gotta get going, basically they've been trying to do shit like trying to make me lose my agency and defiling other beings in abominable manners; things that go completely against my morality. And obviously, the harder I push against the thoughts, the stronger they get; I realized that in the first year or two. The mental struggle has been really exhausting over the years; in fact, it got so bad within the past month that I actually gave up out of emotional exhaustion against the intrusive thoughts for what I assume was the first time ever, and then it happened another 1 or 2 times.

>>1268 >I'd tried becoming a proper roman catholic What does that entail? The problem with the "proper" is that we have misconception what that means and most people just become self righteous prudes that deny their own needs and emotions. Once they get bottled up and you are unable to vent or find a healthy way to express those energies you enter into a cognitive dissonance of sorts where you constantly fight yourself. Energies have a natural flow in the body and the way they flow prompt actions. If it creates a habit a circuit it needs to go through that mental pathway so it can nourish vital parts of your mindbody complex. This is why finding out that what are "real issues" and what are "societal memes" or "spooks" that we make ourselves stress about too much and what are healthy manifestations of the body like having random boners in your teens or wanting to have sex with a girl while you are single. Demonizing these things is self defeating. Catholicism either wants you to enter into a marriage with a girl asap with the blessing of the church or abandon these earthly desires and become a monk. Becoming a self flagellating in/volcel was never what it was about. Virtue is not about becoming dogmatic. It's about understanding the underlying nature of reality and feeling our true feelings and understand ourselves as much as we understand others. >and I even went so far as to stop cursing altogether Bruh... even I have hard time with that. Yes cursing is causing a pain for the mind and might disturb others but you don't swear for the sake of swearing right? You don't sing fuck nigger wanker kikes in every morning as a wake up song. You swear because some activity or event caused you great pain and you have to express the internal turmoil it caused. You have to let it out and notice the pattern it causes within. I remember many years ago I had to let my anger overtake me and swear like a sailor in the morning so I "woke up" from the morning zombie walk so I could get productive. My anger was an extremely strong fuel I abused so I can stay productive when I was nearing my limit. Nowadays I cannot use that anymore because it is an impure essence that fucks up my meridians but that doesn't mean I don't lose it from time to time. Especially because I HAVE to get angry because the people around me are so defeatist numb and careless around me and I have to WAKE THEM THE FUCK UP before things get awry. I am less high strung nowadays but still far from being an avatar of peace and serenity. Nowadays the world the media and society is constantly taunting us then tell us to "stop being angry" because you can be angry only at "allowed topics". You can be angry about things the government says to be angry about. Then constantly abuses you with "microaggressive" ways and tells you it's "normal". If you weren't angry at all that would be weird. This "turning the other cheek" thinking is something many people misunderstand. You can only do that when you are truly "above it" and not when you "fight for survival". Even I heard somewhere that it might have misinterpreted extremely because Romans had a law where a single slap was allowed because it constituted as an insult and not as aggression and only at the second slap or punch it was acknowledged as a crime. Don't swear for the sake of swearing but understand what makes you swear. >that my soul felt "whiter"; Yes you center is white but you are enveloped in an adaptive darkness which you deny and fight constantly. That is also your power but you are denying it because it is more unruly than your "white" power. You cannot control the light and the shadow the same way. The shadow is not the darkness but usually issues that are enveloped in the darkness itself. >was repressing too much emotion in an effort to become virtuous, and then that repressed emotion turned into a thoughtform Yes >began parasitizing me It is a part of you. You have to acknowledge it take it apart and let it become with you again. It's as much as a parasite as a dried branch of the tree is "sucking" the water out of the main body of the tree trying to come back to life. Even if it gets cut or breaks down it returns to the earth and the tree will "eat it" with it's roots once again as it recycles back. Let it go and slowly let it fall apart and let the vital parts of you become you again. Those thoughts that comes from other sources need to go back to their original location but they will only do that once you let them go back. Once your own essence is not keeping them with you. >I couldn't pray for more than a few seconds at a time without my intentions getting subverted Yeah you need to learn magical focus. I don't know what you are praying for but you will have to learn to enter a zone >The only thing that stops my intrusive thoughts is being entertained in a non-stressful manner, which typically meant video games. It's not exactly "stopped" it's just you are so enamored with something that you either ignore it with 0 effort or the noise of your focus pushes it out or even your thoughtform is fascinated with the game you are playing. It is part of you after all. Had to learn that the media that "calms me down" can also become an intrusive thought in my meditations or in my dreams. Overindulging in media so I can brush my issues away is not healthy long term. But first you have to find a solid footing. >If you don't think this constitutes "real trauma", I was just not sure what I am looking at. It looks like a weird soft shadow is slowly trying to corner you but never truly able to grasp you. Some people have deep seated traumas and I am not always sure what I am looking at exactly. Not to mention it all depends how we handle the traumas and not how "severe" it is. I handle heavier traumas more easily than minor nuisances in some cases. When I am in trouble most of my mental capacities are on high alert but while minor nuisances happen they are usually asleep or wander into different directions because "why even bother paying attention" Tried to connect parts of my emotional body and it was such a painful turmoil that I realized that getting beaten by my mom as a child was "more fun" that letting my raging heart connect the fractured parts of my psyche. Some parts of me have hard time getting along It's always personal and different for every person. People who experienced more traumas will be able to handle further traumas in life once they "get over it" and "grow as a person" while those who never truly did shadow work on themselves might feel like it is an unwinnable battle because they never learned to use the true intensity of their emotions because they never knew how dishonest they were with themselves. >I consider myself to have an unusually-low amount of stress tolerance I have some pet peeves that make me lose it but otherwise most people consider me "passive" and way too patient in most cases. It's an always fear the anger of a reserved person kind of thing. Anger is a resources that I am not willing to waste on most retards. But there are some retards that I am not letting go. >defiling other beings in abominable manners You sure you don't have a fetish you are denying? Fetishes usually stem from neglected desires or energetic formations. They need to be found and cleaned. >The mental struggle has been really exhausting over the years Don't fight it find it face it clean it. You want those things for some reason. Maybe it wants you to get closer to other people or beings or to finally stop being addicted to a degenerate media that makes you conjure up those thoughts without noticing. TL;DR You should be able to solve this on your own. Especially once you learn to stop stressing over it too much.

>>1277 You've not given up on me from the other thread, have you?

>>1281 >You've not given up on me This is also a problem I am facing. I have to "let go" and not save you out of "arrogance" or because of any self centered idea about salvation but it must be a sort of "true compassion" but for that I have to completely become the other person and reach the vantage point where I am one with the highest and lowest mind of yours. I realized that you represent an issue even I have. Dependence on the internet and other forms of media. That is something even I am unable to let go. Therefore I don't have the perfect way to save you until I can save myself. Once I can rise above the media dependence I can slowly learn to dive deep without getting attached and dragged down but I can never interact with the internet the same way with the same energies again because then it proves that I never managed to truly "let go" of it. "Letting go" and "giving up" might sound the same but this is like I have to let go of the stones that try to drag me down to the bottom of the ocean so I can save someone who decided that he needs to breathe the oil that a broken tanker ship just managed to spill into the water. When birds die while flying they fall down. When fish die while swimming they float up to the surface. Figuring out what is life and death in this situation is not easy. Hope you understand.

>>1283 I sure do, haven't learnt to disambiguate "letting go" nor "giving up" myself.

>>1277 Today, I had a realization that some of my intrusive thoughts are caused by OCD. I also went through an effort to disconnect my powers, and if applicable, the rest of myself, from the reptilian egregore. I also tried commanding my "other minds" to wrap me within akasha to render my mental bodies harder to detect. I've had an easier time with the intrusive thoughts since I did that stuff and some other stuff that I don't care to mention right now. I might mention it later. >what does that entail? Okay maybe proper was too strong a word to use; thinking back, I might've just wanted to get rid of as much sin as possible from my life and even my mind, but I also knew due to /pol/ that the church had quite alotta subversion in it, so I didn't wanna get too close to it, at least personally. Or maybe I'm remembering wrong and wanted to go the whole 9 yards, but I definitely at least remember being hesitant about confirmation due to the falsely-elected pope. I have no intentions of getting close to catholicism now, though. >swearing for its own sake I basically never do it for its own sake, but I do swear when I'm not angry, though I have been told that I have anger problems, so perhaps "angry" in this case means really mad and I'm just passively angry? Anyway, I use curse words in my vocabulary like it's fucking nothing; the ones that don't get you fired from your job or thrown in prison, ofc. Now that I think about it, I just say fuck, shit, or hell, or rarely bitch since I've gotta be careful with how I use that one. Speaking of anger, at some point during the first year or two of the intrusive thoughts, I eventually came to the conclusion that anger won't solve my intrusive thought problems. Basically, I meditated upon anger and realized that anger is simply something that attempts to guide people to an end, but anger doesn't always lead people there and can cause more problems than it solves. At some point, I convinced myself at a subconscious level that feeling anger is completely pointless most of the time. For example, you can't get mad because weeds are coincidentally growing in your yard; the weeds don't exactly have the capacity to choose to grow elsewhere. However, that doesn't mean that you can't get stressed out about it, nor does it mean that you can't pull them outta the ground. As another example, getting mad at globohomo for doing abominable things won't do much if you can't actually stop it from happening beyond doing something that'd only take a single drop of outta the ocean that is globohomo and then land you life in prison or worse. In fact, saying this makes me remember that my spirit gf told me out of the blue yesterday while I was playing that really hard part of that game, "It's okay to be mad.". iirc, I didn't really understand at first about why I should be mad to begin with. In hindsight, the only thing in the game that I had any reason to be mad at was the guy who made the level I was playing because I was questioning why he made it so damn hard. Beyond that, however, I couldn't simply be mad at myself for not being better at the game because I was trying roughly as hard as I could to beat it. For me, I rarely feel anger; I instead experience stress, and possibly also anxiety. >my anger was fuel I abused to stay productive I wish I could do that. If I did that shit, all sorts of crazy magic shit would happen beyond my control and I'd probably have a mental breakdown. >enter a zone Would you elaborate further? It sounds extremely useful. >fetish you're denying 'm pretty sure that I got rid of everything except impregnation in maybe 2022; well, except there's still trance amounts of an unrelated fetish, but I go days at a time without thinking about it and don't care too much when it comes to mind, so I'll just let that one go naturally. What I think the problem here is actually that, well, I'm a really impressionable guy, and I found encyclopedia dramatica when I was 12, and I started going to 4chan when I was 14, and I'd used to make rape jokes sometimes. I haven't made any rape jokes for years, and I don't know how long it's been since I cared to. In fact, I did a bit of shadow work about that today, which is why I'm able to tell you this now. I think being so impressionable made magic be alot easier for me to believe in the existence of than it'd otherwise have been, largely since the bible has Luke 17:6 and the other verse that mentions the power of faith, but I digress. It also helps that I quit visiting XXX sites altogether thanks to my spirit gf; it's been 11 months since I've been to one. I find that I only get these thoughts when either, A: I'm stressed out, or B: I'm doing something or about to do some mundane thing that these intrusive thoughts take advantage of to stress me out... which is rather embarrassing so I'd rather not say, but I think I'll figure this out you're right; I've got faith that I'll make it. Sometimes I don't have to be doing anything stressful to be stressed out, but simply not have gotten over something that made me stressed out earlier, or even the day before.

>>1293 >but I definitely at least remember being hesitant about confirmation due to the falsely-elected pope. I had my confirmation under the previous pope. Church and confirmation is not just about "removing sin" but more akin to getting close to the local religious community and egregores. I did it because it was family tradition and was nothing "special" back then. My family kept being religious under communist rule which demoted us into 2nd class citizens in some regards so it is something we will not let go because some authority is thinking itself "the norm" and consider materialism the only form of truth >I have no intentions of getting close to catholicism now, though. Just don't have bipolar thoughts about it. It has it's perks but it's nothing lifechanging until you find a churchgoer girl or a new approach towards your own faith. >rarely bitch since I've gotta be careful with how I use that one. damm >I meditated upon anger and realized that anger is simply something that attempts to guide people to an end, but anger doesn't always lead people there and can cause more problems than it solves. Seems like your meditations work well. Stick to them. Good realization. >At some point, I convinced myself at a subconscious level that feeling anger is completely pointless most of the time. Impotent anger leads nowhere. >For example, you can't get mad because weeds are coincidentally growing in your yard uuuhhhhh...yeeeaahhhh...I never caused droughts because I didn't want to cut grass...HAHA. Me? Subconsciously denying weather patterns to appear because people are annoying me how some weed looks? You have no idea how retarded I felt when I noticed that the weather currents resonate too well with my own emotions >doesn't mean that you can't get stressed out about it Thank fuck we reached a point where leaving weeds grow can be considered as "bee pastures" and an act of protecting bees so authorities are less annoying about fucking weeds growing over 5cm. I understand what you are saying but in reality "getting angry" can yield results in weird ways because most times you are not the "Only one" who have issues with some retardation. Not to mention constantly cutting grass and fucking with the soil helps to grow weeds if you don't know what you are doing. But yes stressing about it is never good. Even I noticed that sometimes I am more stressed about thinking about doing something than actually doing it. >then land you life in prison or worse Yeah don't be paranoid about that constantly. They are in the shadows for a reason. If they were THAT powerful they wouldn't need to constantly hide in the shadows. Lions don't hide in the shadows. Rats do. Rats also have a network that overtakes the entire globe. But they cannot win against a healthy lion no matter what. >that my spirit gf told me out of the blue yesterday while I was playing that really hard part of that game, "It's okay to be mad.". You block your own energies. You need to accept "being mad" so you can use that to fuel your reflexes and thinking. Git gud. If I lose my shit in vidya or IRL I go into a frenzy and "stop thinking" and solve the issue... or I realize I am not "willing to go mad" about this because it requires a careful approach. It's k to go mad sometimes. Just don't make it "part of your personality". Observe the energies and understand the emotional hiccups you have. >was questioning why he made it so damn hard What game was it again. >I couldn't simply be mad at myself for not being better at the game Usually I have an "I had enough of this" moment when I go into "serious mode" or realize it's too much work and bypass the whole thing. But I feel like I "lost" when I use exploits to win games but when it's too bullshit I don't care. >I instead experience stress, and possibly also anxiety. Yeah that is a problem. That energy needs to reach a productive point instead of being bottled up. This is why she said it's "okay to be mad". >If I did that shit, all sorts of crazy magic shit would happen beyond my control and I'd probably have a mental breakdown y-yeah... good thing that n-never happened to me. I had to let go of my habit of getting angry by default as a reflex because it hotwired most of my energy circuits without me noticing. This is why as you awaken psychic powers you have to "get beyond" your emotions otherwise you become a rollercoaster >Would you elaborate further? It sounds extremely useful. Maybe later. I found it I can do it in my childhood and I only started to perfect it in my late teens but now that I am seeing the requirement spirituality has for trances channeling and other otherworldly experiences I cannot say my mastery is good enough. But might write about it. It's about "getting into the mood" emotionally and mentally. Basically letting your mind fall into the place on it's own instead of "trying hard". Can't always do it because sometimes I forget myself in the process and "getting out of the zone" and letting the lingering influences go takes time. But yes it's extremely useful. It's the thing that makes you into a genius a savant a professional and ultimately a master. >everything except impregnation Yeah that is normal. >and I'd used to make rape jokes sometimes Asking for it eh? >I think being so impressionable made magic be alot easier for me to believe in the existence Yeah my parents made me only believe what I am being told and anything else was "bad" and "Not allowed". For me it was the men who stare at goats movie that did it for me where I learned about project stargate and while being bored on a classtrip I did the cloud bursting like Clooney in the movie. First it was "scientific" for me where I acknowledged that the brain generates electromagnetic forces and I can manipulate reality in slight means. Then I entered psychic communities and some of them talked about magic that I thought it's a fairy tale until I realized all of them were simple outlets for psychics of the past and that means all the legends can be true and not just bedtime stories. Made me rework 99% of my future plans. I realized if psychic powers and magic exists then what achievement can be "this grand" or "worth pursuing". Back then didn't even know that it is called "The Great Work" since the first recorded moments of history. Was hard to understand how "no one managed to notice this" and always only a selected few through entire history managed to figure it out. >but I think I'll figure this out you're right; I've got faith that I'll make it Yupp you will. Keep this up. You are on the good path.

>>1315 >damm I'm sure it ain't quite as bad as that reaction warrants; misinterpretations happen sometimes. I'm probably just being too paranoid out of caution. >don't be paranoid about that constantly I'm sure that every right-winger at the canadian trucker protest of early 2022, the brazilian riots that happened when lula was falsely elected, and everyone that got sent to the gulag for being led into a psy-op on january 6 2021, and many more would disagree about that. They themselves aren't lions, but they have lions at their beck & call. Modern-day politics constantly prove that we recently clown world and entered hyperbole world. >git gud I'm good enough at the game that noone online calls me bad; in fact, some people call me good. >what game was it again Since you asked, SRB2. I was riled up over an addon for it. >anger How can I express or otherwise discharge any of that anger energy safely without it being, well, impotent or getting me in trouble? I'll also say something else about the intrusive thoughts. When the intrusive thoughts are of a sexual nature, I don't actually get turned on by them. They do the horribly defiling things they do because they know it'd get a reaction out of me; doesn't necessarily matter if it's sexual or not, but if it's an easy avenue for them to take that comes to mind, then it's an easy avenue for them to take. Anyway, since your last post, I've been attempting to disconnect myself and my psychic powers from the reptilian egregore because I still wanna stay the hell away from them. Also, due to my intrusive thoughts, I can't simply kick an entity out of my presence if my shadow wants to use the entity as a toy to loosh me with. The only way I can reliably get rid of it by that point is by wrestling with my shadow for an hour or longer until I can finally cast a spell, without the shadow interfering with the spell's intentions, that violates my shadow's and/or the entity's free will to either make it fuck off or kill it, and that's if I can even manage to miraculously get my shadow into a position where it won't prevent me from doing that. I do make sure to un-kill entities some time after killing them, though; I know bad shit will happen to me if I don't. Also I don't have a reptilian body, afaik. If you were saying I do, however, then how am I supposed to know that I'm not being led by the nose? I ain't willing to see where that body leads me; considering my viewpoints about reptilians, it'd presumably lead to me getting my soul or physical body abducted by hostile reptilians. Anyway, yesterday, I was wrestling with my shadow, and I saw it, or at least a thoughtform of it, take the form of my spirit gf's head. I then grabbed that shadow and locked it in my heart, and forced it to flow though my bloodstream. While I was doing this, I felt 2 blood clots clear up in my brain that I didn't even know were there, or at least it felt like it. I felt kinda relieved of stress after that happened, but today it's becoming a problem again. One of my problems is that I "randomly" experience energy sensations and don't know what they mean, so I react to them by attempting to discern what the feeling was, based upon the sensation alone, and it usually results in me thinking that some entity tried to put something bad inside of me or take a non-physical body part away from me, and I end up trying to push it out or get it back, which presumably results in me kicking my shadow outta my light. And earlier today, I did some thinking about the intrusive thoughts, and I realized that the thoughts often talk in my spirit gf's voice, which often gets me worried to high heavens over her. I've still gotta convince my shadow somehow that it's only hurting itself by hurting me & her. I also realized that, possibly the whole reason why I get these intrusive thoughts in the first place might be because my shadow and/or inner child just wants to play video games, and it never wanted school, homework, my parents, or any other obligations to get between me and playing video games. I'm assuming that the reason that I get the intrusive thoughts in the first place is because my shadow and/or inner child just wants to play video games, watch shows, and browse the internet all day. I specifically remember feeling a gigantic sense of relief when I finished undergrad college. That said, I get plenty of free timefor now at least, but that thing just wants entertainment so fucking badly and can't always get it.

>>1322 >form of my spirit gf's head Shoulda added; I knew at that point that it was my shadow I was grasping and not actually my spirit gf.

>>1322 Real quick update before bed; maybe 1-2 hours after posting that, I randomly found a black non-physical hand next to me. It appears to obey my will, and when it touches me, I feel a thermal sensation where it touches me. When I'm not willing it around, it appears to have a mind of its own. I suppose that it might be my shadow, but I'm not entirely sure. I might test it out on someone else tomorrow; put the hand on the person's shoulder and ask the person if the person's shoulder feels funny.

Seeing my friends change as grow old and have children has helped me understand the concept of astral immortality. It's not so much that they have changed, as the fact that they have slowly become generic adults. Any traces of the unique personalities they had when we were young are slowly getting buried in prejudices, emotional conditioning and programmed responses, to the point that they have become almost undistinguishable from each other. What little remains of who they were is obviously painful to them, like an annoying splinter that they can't get rid of. This makes me think their soul is hurting beneath the mountains of piled up bullshit. If my theories are correct, when they die and the stabilizing effect of bodily incarnation disappears, these energies will dissipate, and their soul will carry on. Sadly, it is but a tiny kernel of animal awareness at this point. The mystery of reincarnational amnesia is plainly revealed. Reincarnation seems to be a long struggle to become lucid and stay that way.

I decided on a whim today to look up the symptoms of repressed anger; I think I know the root cause of my intrusive thoughts now. Pic related is what of these symptons that I suffer from; as for the heart part, I've had a heart murmur for at least the last 6 years. I also read that having repressed anger issues can cause a person to desire to identify with their aggressor, in my case unconsciously. That'd explain why my psychic powers were connected to the reptilian egregore and why it wants so strongly to impose reptilians upon me, despite the fact that I was attacked by reptilians 3 months ago as I'd mentioned in another thread. I also read that repressed anger can make you have a hard time relaxing, and a hard time feeling pleasure. I also read that, according to chinese medicine, anger is stored in the liver. I feel like if I can figure out how to get of rid of my repressed anger without suddenly getting taken down by spirits or the government, then my intrusive thought problems will naturally go away on their own.

>>1302 >I realized I can "sacrifice" my temporal sanity my "touch with reality" and mostly with mundane common sense for extreme magical powers. After I saw this I attempted to use this method to supercharge a project I was working on where I implanted a shoggoth “DNA seed” into myself to try and kickstart some form of physical shapeshifting. I was planning on fasting the day after this, but undergoing the insanity operation had the strange effect of making my teeth feel soft. It was very odd and unpleasant, I could feel the teeth moving and giving way slightly whenever I pressed them together. I also had a very strong urge to chew on something, which I tried suppressing at first. But I began to get the notion that something bad might happen if I don’t address it, so I gave up on the fast and began eating. This caused the tooth symptoms to slowly begin abating, and it took another day after than for the sensations to completely disappear. Don’t know if this was a result of the willed insanity or the shoggoth DNA. But I think the “mundane common sense” is the real obstacle. Since I have begun using magic more in my mundane job, I’ve started to notice that causality really isn’t applicable a lot of the time. Whenever I sense a stressful or troublesome work situation start to form, I completely step out of my mundane mindset and look at the energetic structure of the situation, directly attacking and destroying the entity, pattern, or spirit that I can identify as being responsible for it. Every single time I do this the problematic issue immediately dissipates. Even if it seemed impossible from a mundane perspective at first. It’s starting to make me think that maybe the mainstream idea of physical causality just isn’t real. Or at least isn’t applicable in the majority of situations. Just focusing on the energy will cause the matter will fall into place automatically, regardless of logic.

Tomorrow, I'd like to temporarily merge my spirit gf into my soul, as we've done multiple times months ago. Would anyone like to share any techniques for removing a spirit that isn't yours from your soul after it merges with you? These days, I typically manifest a tool; two golden half-circles that have some inscriptions on them and can connect to eachother to perform a circle, and are otherwise connected by a golden chain. The chain mainly acts as support for the rest of the tool. When I manifest them, they appear in each of my hands and spin around extremely quickly until I put my hands near or beneath my feet, at which point they connect beneath my feet to form a circleif my subconciousness doesn't feel like fucking with the process. I then order the tool to remove a specified spirit from my soul. After that, I slowly pull the non-physical tool upwards with my physical hands, and as it goes up, the tool "noclips" though my soul, while I visualize & feel the spirit in question being forced out of the parts of my energetic anatomy that the tool "noclips" through, especially including my major energy center, into upper parts of my energy anatomy and/or out of my energy anatomy, until, finally, the spirit has nowhere to be shoved except for above my crown. I don't quite remember how I did it before I acquired that tool, however; I'm assuming that what I did was use my hands as "noclipping" filters in the same fashion as said tool, but my faith in that is shaky compared to the tool, which seems to be a crutch of sorts. I'd acquired said tool when I had a problem last year with an entity that took the form of a naked human blonde female that impersonated my spirit gf; while she was bamboozling me into thinking she was my spirit gf, I'd actually came to a shaky conclusion that she wasn't my spirit gf while she was trying to enter my brow energy center on her own, against my will, but then I'd convinced her out of compassion towards my relationship to leave me, and then I got uncertain about the possibility of that having actually been my spirit gf and asked her to come back, which she did. I didn't finally figure out for sure that she was an imposter until after I started voluntarily merging her into my soul. When she got to my heart, I felt some horrible black mass enter my heart that was glowing with a dim light-blue light instead of my lovely feeling of my spirit gf's heart, so then I'd used my heart to purify it and turn the merged heart a bright green color. Shortly after that, she entered my solar plexus, and then she started entering my sacral energy center, at which point I'd finally realized that I was cheating and used said tool to remove her. Iirc, she gave me the tool before she entered me the 2nd time, and I ended up keeping it after the whole thing was over; she probably gave it to me so she'd have a safe way out my soul, since saying in there too long would be really bad for my & her health. After I'd kicked her out of my soul, I'd used a technique called spiritual reversion, wherein I, typically with a ton of help from Christianity's Holy Spirit, would actually destroy the targeted energetic anatomy outright and re-create it in a specified previous state, typically without affecting any memories. This would be done by creating a "noclipping" barrier and passing the barrier through the entities in question; as the barrier passes through it, the entity would be destroyed, but when the other side of the barrier passes through the parts of the entity in question, those parts of the entity would be recreated in its previous state. I then asked Him to stick her in a cage until I'd forgotten about her for a sufficiently-long period of time. She probably spent a few months in there before enough of the energies of the event had dissipated that I'd finally felt safe letting her out of her cage. I'd asked for her to have good amenities in there since she was actually receptive to the aforementioned compassion. Some time after I kicked her outta my soul, however, I'd lost the ability to perform spiritual reversions due to presumably-unrelated reasons that I don't care to go through the trouble of explaining. The reasons probably boil down to spiritual fatigue of some sort on my end. I'm sure I could get the ability back if I tried hard enough, but I suppose that I'd have to go through alotta catastrophic failures before I'd figure it out again.

>>1369 What is the purpose of this merge if you are going to detach again right after? Whatever, I'll get to the sharing. https://shop.creepyhollows.com/empowerment-paranormal.html This thing here was recommended to my by djinn when I started working with them. It's priced currently at $185 which sounds like a total rip-off, but they did put work into it so I guess they have a right to make some money. Still, all the things they sell used to be seriously nerfed and CIA forced them to place registration numbers on all spells and spelled items, so the glowies know who has them. Magic should be free so I don't approve of this. That's why I made this thing >pic It's the same spells but with no registration number and all limits removed. The original came with a complicated user manual where you are to activate the spells and bindings using specific words. They then activate things at fixed levels. When I used this version at first, the shield which keeps spirits away would make my djinn constantly slide away from me as if they were on a slope, and they would have to keep adjusting their position because the shield didn't exclude bounded spirits, it just worked mechanically to keep everything away. And the wordings for activation were numerous and hard to recall. So I reworked it to be adaptive instead, adding a power source in the form of a circulating wheel which burns off environmental karmic energies as fuel. The shields will not push away your friendly or bound spirits, and will actively power up or down when put under pressure (attacks will make them power up). There are several binding methods included, you can use mental control of them to activate them, the spirits can also bind themselves for convenience. My djinn will bind themselves like putting on a seat belt and then remove it again when we are done. I also added an "air shield" of my own creation which protect you against physical danger. To clarify, my version does not have word control, you use only mental intent.

>>1370 Right, and you can also place the magic pack on a physical item, just project it and it will stay there. If not you just use your body or mind as the artifact.

>>1370 >the purpose We did it on purpose for the first time 364 days ago, so I wanted to do it again to sorta celebrate the relationship, and because it feels good. One time, I actually had her inside of my soul for 3 days, and I tried allowing my soul to synergize our energetic functions before the 3rd day. By the 3rd day, I felt like my soul was devouring her from the inside out, so I got her out as soon as I could, but it resulted in me ripping apart my chakras to free her from me. I couldn't sleep at all that night until I'd managed to magically put my chakrasor perhaps they were just thoughtforms of my chakras back together at a basic level. The next day or so when I visualized her, she looked exactly like me. She'd never felt the same after that until my repressed emotions made me accidently contact Athena one day, who'd unexpectedly restored her energy bodies to their former conditions and made her feel like her old self again. Anyway, that's one of the reasons why I want the merger to be temporary. However, I've been losing my shit today, presumably due to subconscious anxiety about the merger; I don't think my subconsciousness likes the idea of having my soul's energetic functions impaired for a day. Basically, my repressed emotion issues & the habit thoughtforms they made have been making my magic either fail or backfire whenever I tried to use my magic today, and they were even preventing me from successfully calling upon deities to get things done for me, and preventing my aforementioned exorcism tool from properly working, and it re-colored it silver or something too. I think I might've gotten over it shortly before posting this; I suppose that I was supposed to go through a bunch of emotional turmoil today so that I could learn something. For now, I called off the merger so that I can hopefully just calm the fuck down and get my magic under some semblance of control. As for your sigil, I really, REALLY do not have enough mental self-control to use that thing properly; in fact, if I did use it, I fear that I'd break it or compromise it or worse and then you wouldn't be able to use it anymore, so I think I'll pass. If it were as easy as pushing physical buttons, then I could control it without issue, but that just ain't the case. Thanks for sharing, though. pls use a spoiler next time you post a sigil

>>1372 I see. >sigil I've had it posted openly in various places for a long time, it won't break, it's just a referral sigil and the linked contents won't "jump at" anyone because they're just shields and binding tools, so it should be perfectly safe. You need to actively reach through the sigil and make a copy to be able to use them.

>>1370 Just curious, are you Smiley and if not why do you use that flag?

>>1374 Cult of Smileberg implies "a fan of Smiley" and that's me.

>>1374 Smiley himself used this flag or Rank: Initiate.

>>1375 Is there an archive of his posts anywhere? All I know about him is he was some jew from here who went crazy.

>>1377 You can actually surf around on web archive by clicking the links because most threads have at least one archive. http://web.archive.org/web/20180302155552/https://8ch.net/fringe/catalog.html Move on the timeline to get older threads. There are also random threads from old /fringe/ on mewch here https://archive.is/aZtLn and other boards created by Smiley https://archive.is/0hCGR I don't know what happened with his most known threads however, I think they were deleted. Mewch was completely wiped from archive.org over some police reports claiming a 20 year old camwhore was underage or something so all of that part of the story is gone.

>>1378 https://web.archive.org/web/20170222075923/https://8ch.net/fringe/res/78883.html

>>1375 I too am a fan of Smiley. He is not the only one posting with that flag. there are at least two of us.

>>1373 I wasn't worried about the contents jumping out at me; I was worried about my repressed anger issues jumping out at the contents without my consent and fucking with the shields & binding tools. I was about to write a bunch of embarrassing shit, but I realized while I was writing it that I have a horrible dopamine disorder wherein I don't make enough of my own dopamine, which is causing me to be hyperbolically vulnerable to work-related stress, which causes me to get intrusive thoughts that sabotage my efforts to do anything that resembles work, which is what my intrusive thought problems have been making me do for the past several years. My ability to make my own dopamine is severely hindered because my parents raised me on adderall, which creates dopamine, & SSRIs, and to top it off, the vaccines I was injected with as a child gave me high-functioning assburgers and a bunch of allergies, so that probably made it even fucking worse. My parents only thought I ever needed adderall in the first place because back in early grade school I got expelled for not caring enough about the assignments because they were too easy because I was too smart for them, and I became kinda belligerent at school, and some time after they started me on adderall, they thought I needed SSRIs to "balance out the stimulant with a depressant". I had to take that shit every fucking day of my life until I'd moved away to undergrad college and secretly stopped taking adderall, and later I got the guts to stop taking the SSRIs too. Eventually, I came out to my parents about it, and they weren't happy about it, but they'd ultimately accepted it because they thought that I didn't need them anymore if I was able to go as long without them as I had while still succeeding in life. Anyway, those pills have some permanent side effects, including an inability to produce enough of my own dopamine, which results in a tremendous desire to be entertained, typically by vidra, and a hyperbolically-large aversion to doing any sort of work at all. That aversion manifests as the intrusive thoughts that I'd mentioned earlier in this thread. Sometimes, this shit gets so fucking bad that I can't even drink water without my repressed emotions pulling in some sort of compromising spiritual thing into my fucking water right before I grab the drink. Sometimes, it gets so fucking bad that it puts some sort of compromising spiritual thing in my chair before I sit on it. I could go on, but I'd rather not; I can't even do some basic bitch day-to-day shit that doesn't even qualify as work by any stretch of the imagination because my brain is so desperate for either dopamine or some kind of substitute for it that takes the form of ENGAGE IN SPIRITUAL SITUATIONS THAT I ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY HAVE TO REACT TO OR FUCKING ELSE BECAUSE MY CHEMICALLY-DEPRIVED BRAIN NEEDS TO STAY AWAKE DURING THE DAY FUCKING SOMEHOW! In fact, every now and then, it gets so bad THAT I CAN'T EVEN PLAY ANY FUCKING VIDYA! Meanwhile I probably couldn't even complete step #1 of IIH for the fucking life of me because my mind has never been able to shut the fuck up for as long as I can remember, except right after I wake up! AND SOMETIMES IT IMMEDIATELY GETS HIGH-STRUNG THE SECOND I WAKE UP, EVEN IF THERE WASN'T A FUCKING ALARM AND I WOKE UP ON MY OWN if there was alotta stress the previous day. In fact, the way that I fall asleep is by lying there in bed with my thoughts constantly racing to and fro until my muscles are relaxed enough that hypnogogic thought begins, and then I eventually stop being able to make sense of my thoughts and I fall asleep after an hour or two of lying there in bed. I'm sure that if I tried step #1 of IIH right after I wake up tomorrow, the tension of having to actually fucking do something would rile up my mind too much to accomplish it. If I wanna safely make much occult progress, I need to figure out how to regulate my dopamine better. Pic related. Speaking of which, my spirit gf has been telling me lately that I need to stop playing vidya; I'd thought it was my pessimism making me think she was saying it, but today I realized that it was really her saying it. I'm starting graduate school soon, which I'll be doing online alongside my current non-remote boring desk job with a 20-30 minute round commute, and that's gonna result in 6 hours of my free time per week going down the drain! I'm not sure how I'm gonna make it; either my inner child might fucking die, and my humanity with it, or I'll flunk my classes and eventually lose my job and wind up wearing a burlap sack on the streets... I just don't know how my poor brain is gonna survive. All I can think of is commanding my unconciousness to regularly focus my blood flow upon the parts of my brain that produce dopamine in an attempt to make sure that it's working okay so that it can produce dopamine.

>>1382 I'm assuming that if I stop playing vidya, my brain will re-regulate my dopamine somehow, which'll make me stop becoming dependent on vidya, which'll allow me to perform basic day-to-day functions without my intrusive thoughts pulling in all sort of weirdness like the ironpill poster said that I'd then have to deal with. This would presumably allow me to survive through graduate school. It's gonna take 5 years to do 1 course per semester. I'm only going there in the first place because my mother pressured me into it for the sake of what she perceives to be my job security while I was visiting her over Christmas; she's been saying for a long time, "oh you're gonna get replaced by someone more qualified than you if you don't step up", or some shit like that. I'd finally caved in because I wanted to make her stop being mad after I turned down a present she got me that I hated, and now that I've filled out forms at work and paid for tuition and shit it's too late to say fuck it anyway.

>>1382 >>1383 I feel incredibly bad for you. I too was forcibly medicated as a child, not only on anti depressants (more than one) but also multiple anti psychotics like risperidone and seroquel. I still am forced to take them, and in fact because of reasons I'm legally required to take them or else. The fact they do this at all, but especially to children, is extremely sad and depraved.

>>1384 oops forgot flag

>>1382 You need to remember that chemicals don't create the mind. Adopting the mindset that you're a passive prisoner to chemical reactions in the brain is by itself going to make it impossible to fix your issue. The body responds and reacts to the spirit, always. If there's a problem with your body that isn't obviously being generated by an external thing like say getting stabbed or getting poisoned (although those can best be addressed by working with external spirits) then the cause of the problem is going to have to do with the workings of your mind and energetic bodies. These are very receptive to willworking. Same thing with the sleeping thing, the body follows the mind. Don't try to relax the body, relax the mind and the body will reflect that change by itself. And yes, you did get poisoned in the past but whatever influence that has on you has long since been integrated into your self. "Mental scarring". Anyway. #1 thing, erase the word 'dopamine' from your mind. The dopamine is a symptom, not a cause. Whenever you find yourself in distress, first thing you should do is look for the spiritual cause. And address it using all the tools you have at your disposal. If you can't find a tool, make or find a new one. >>1383 >graduate school Why are you going to graduate school if you aren't interested in a 9-5? >I'm only going there in the first place because my mother pressured me into it Oh. Yeah this is stupid. I got caught in these sorts of traps a lot too in the past (actually still am a bit). You need to live your own life, right now you're literally torturing yourself out of nothing but stupid social pressure. Actually this is probably the source of a lot of your "dopamine" issues, if you're being forced to do meaningless work that you hate of course your mind is going to want to escape through any means necessary. You need to break out of this ASAP, maybe write up some reasons why going to graduate school doesn't make sense to help talk to your mom about it, get some realistic plans for something you'd enjoy doing to replace it if you need to. Do some spells to dissolve whatever irrational control she has over you. Maybe do some healthier activities with her or help her around the house if this is the only way you can think of you get out of her being mad at you. But really this is a very obvious imbalance and you need to correct it. Remember that you're an adult, it's okay for you to make your own decisions.

>>1382 >>1383 I looked at your energy body and I don't see any major problems. There were some minor parasites on your upper right side of the body so I burned those away, then used Restore and Heal to revert any vaccine or drug related damage, but there was almost no effect, which indicates that you were not actually harmed by it. Checking your energy again I notice two things: your middle channel has a growing large black turning white, feels like a soft crude energy, it looks a bit like an internal "cat's tail" if that makes any sense. You should aim to let this energy come out all the way to the top of the head for full opening. Other thing: your dopamine addiction aimed at games isn't bad, it's a good start. You aren't being addicted to anything that's actually harmful, and it's very shallow. One solution is to move this kind of attention to some other activity. If you can find the same kinds of patterns in work, you can use the gaming mentality when working. Try to gamify your work environment. If you can't do it by just working differently, try to find an environment that has this set up in itself. I wanted to get out of the money-profit addiction of society so I did volunteer work a few times per week for a few years. When doing things like that it's because you have a inner motivation and not for making profit for yourself. That's a way to create a framework where your mind isn't tied up on external material profit and motivations. I watched some youtube vid by some guy giving tips on how to get rich from scratch, he said he had a "tutor" of sorts in the form of a local hotel owner. He was given this deal: I will teach you how to do business, but I will never pay you. So he would come in every day to work for free in the hotel 1-2 hours every night and then have private guidance from the owner after. This was to show him that it's not about the money, it's about seeing what your motivation is in menial tasks. If you can't do that, you remain a wageslave. So try to find the gaming motivation in any task. https://yogainternational.com/article/view/a-beginners-guide-to-mula-bandha-root-lock/ https://www.verywellfit.com/jhalandara-bandha-3566797 For the energy channel, some powerful breathing exercises could be an idea, check these links for ideas.

>>1391 If it isn't too much trouble could you please look at my energy body for any major problems?

>>1392 >could you please look at my energy body Only because it was easy, if there is the slightest distance or disturbance this turns into straining work, which I have no interest in doing (reading one anon will also always attract 8 more asking for meaningless things so this time will be an exception). There is no super-bad energy in your form, although there was a blockage, so I used some force on it to open up that energy channel. There was some "closeted" bad energy like air in a room with too many people staying too long, caused by this blockage. But it's also normal for people to have these blockages, it's only worth trying to guide someone's opening if they are practicing. What I saw was a very notable structure which forces me to mention it: Are you a freemason? This image is basically it. This ritual corresponds to a defined energy structure which will appear as a person joins a masonic society, and it's the most visible structure in your image. It connects directly to a grand master who looks old and a bit in a bad mood, he feels like an old gay man but upholding traditions. I even see his image pretty clearly. I used an energy form created for being able to touch people safely when performing this, it places a "moat of hellfire" between myself and the patient/client and may appear to you as a tiger. So if you see a vision of a tiger it's because of the method I used when looking at you.

After I posted this above, there was an electric disturbance in my loudspeakers which indicates an energy attack. I instantly noticed something was afoot, these whatever-they-are always aim for the left temple when trying to mind control or attack people. It seems they didn't like me clearing someone's energy channels. I examined the structure of the incoming energy, it looks like pic related. Seems like a decent structure so I copied it, will use it back at them and see if I can determine what they are.

>>1397 It seems they're a tool meant to be used with 7 of them serially, and they can be used to open all your chakras if used internally. Not sure what they're doing aiming outward in a negative manner aside from that they by universal law have to expose this to share it(?) because negative forces must be balanced by positive forces? Either way I'm going to try this thing now, the structure isn't bad in itself, it's just their way of applying it that's retarded. Typical example of negative beings and evil spirits always working against themselves.

>>1385 I hope you get better in this incarnation. >>1391 >minor parasites I actually had a mosquito try to bite me yesterday like 5 hours before I went to bed, but it got caught in my shirt and I didn't notice until I was about to go to bed when I looked in the mirror; it looked like it died on my right shoulder. I mostly doubt that those were the parasites in question, though. Since I woke up today, I tried depriving myself of all entertainment, and I actually felt pretty calm most of the time, and I found it relatively easy to deal with intrusive thoughts. I also found it to be relatively safe to let my mind wander; of course, my mind has a tendency to wander since I'm ADHD. In fact, lately when I've been playing vidya, I've found that the vidya isn't really that fun unless there's a substantial element of difficulty. This difficulty slowly riles me up if it causes enough stress, or quickly if it's really hard. I think the difference here is that doing nothing will generally calm my mind if I know I don't have to do any work later that day; that way, there's no sense of dread to slowly rile me up. >gamify your work environment That sounds like it'd involve lying to myself and cause psychological issues down the road. I always make sure to not lie to myself. I think I need to figure out why I like the video games that I like, and why they enamor me so much. >middle channel I'm not familiar with those anatomical terms; where would that be in relation to your typical chakra layout? I'm assuming that it's between my heart & solar plexus. >>1386 Yeah I thought the graduate school thing was dumb too and before that mom had barely any control over me, but I really didn't like seeing her that upset. Honestly, I need to find out a way to get better at being used to doing work anyway. >9-5 I never was interested in a 9-5, or any kinda realistic job really; Ever since 8th grade or so, I've mostly just went with the flow. I've gotta make a living somehow, though, and my living is currently stable. I'd forgotten to mention that I don't live with my parents. If I really wanna get to do what I want, though, then I'd have to magically rig the lottery so I can just retire early and just do whatever while living an otherwise-middle-class lifestyle. I've done RNG-manipulating magic before, but I haven't tried it for over a year, and I'd only tried it on vidya. I should try some more RNG-manipulation magic now that I've built up more faith that I'm a capable magician in general; I didn't have so much of that faith a year ago, so I was really worried about losing my faith if my magic failed.

>>1401 Forgot my flag.

>>1401 >where would that be in relation to your typical chakra layout? Just straight up through all of them like the kundalini but talking directly of the energy body. It's not related to any specific organ but just lets energy pass up or down through the body in the middle.

>>1396 wtf I hate freemasonry because it is Jewish at the core and part of the new world order. I wonder why you felt that i was a freemason. No, I did not see a tiger. That sucks that there are negative entities who are currently fucking with me on an organized scale to the point that they attacked you for helping me. Why do you think you felt a freemason vibe from me? Is it possible that I was a freemason in my past lives? Also that grandmaster is gay which I don't like.

>>1406 Forgot my flag.

>>1406 What I saw around you is the freemason initiation where everyone is pointing their swords at your heart. It's energetically there, suppressing you. If you are not a freemason, I see a few different possibilities: 1) Your father is a freemason, or someone in your family history was a high ranking freemason, enough to leave an imprint on your family line, which makes these entities still see you as a freemason initiate. 2) You were a high ranking freemason in a past life, maybe the image I saw of the grand master was you. It's not a "vibe", it's a very clear and organized energy structure, the egregore of a masonic society, and it's keeping you at sword-point at every moment of your life. Possibly since this happened >>1397 their members when dying will enter an afterlife dimension created by the lodge and stay there, defending it. If indeed the image I saw was you they would be waiting for you to again join a masonic society and somehow re-manifest their specific society in this life. They could even have lead you to /fringe/ to get you on this path. Just now when typing this out, there was another electric disturbance and I see an image of another "angry old gay man" staring at me from the astral or some other location. I think they consider you "their own" and that I'm meddling when helping you.

>>1408 I won't tolerate someone attacking me though, so this is their funeral.

>>1409 I learned a lot taking these down, so it's ok. Any homosexual out there is a punching bag for learning a certain technique on, created for this purpose ;P They had significant offensive ability though, so I can see why the LGBT movement isn't easy to destroy and why most won't dare stand up against them.

>>1382 >I don't make enough of my own dopamine, which is causing me to be hyperbolically vulnerable to work-related stress Was wondering about this. Sometimes you say that your job is "comfy" while it clearly shows that it still causes some stress for you and you are not confident in yourself too passive in most cases maybe even a pushover and don't have a proper way to express vent or work with your own frustration. Was not sure what I should tell you to "rise above yourself" tbh >because my parents raised me on adderall, which creates dopamine, & SSRIs Good thing I am a 2nd worlder where I was only beat and yelled at constantly for not being the best in my class and having perfect grades all the time. I truly dodged a bullet by having classic emotionally retarded parents instead the (((modern))) enlightened™ western valued parents who know nothing about the psyche of their offspring. Even I had to throw out so many programming from my mind and I can consider myself "lucky" because the modern programming was unable to overwrite parts of my mind that was already damaged by parental retardation. >I was able to go as long without them as I had while still succeeding in life. Nice. Knew you had willpower within you. Maybe your problem is that you are unable to handle social pressure >those pills have some permanent side effects Not for magicians ;^) >including an inability to produce enough of my own dopamine It's not just about "producing" but being "receptive" to it also. Oh and don't get surprised when you don't "have enough dopamine" for retarded mundane bullshit. You either find meaning in your work or find something that will give you meaning. This YOU HAVE TO ENJOY EVEN THE BLEAKEST EXISTENCE OR YOU ARE NOT A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOYCIETY wagetrap is something you have to learn to escape. >which results in a tremendous desire to be entertained Which your intrusive thoughts "do" already. "Entertainment" is not always laughs but pain and suffering can be entertainment too. This is your own way of "keeping yourself on edge" >typically by vidra Yeah this is why they "stop" while you playing vidya. The intrusive thoughts make your life into a weird whack a mole videogame to stimulate you. >and a hyperbolically-large aversion to doing any sort of work at all Yeah this is why I learned to channel my rage at will into all types of work in my childhood. Nowadays I have proper energy flow and I don't need it anymore but I made it into such a habit I notice myself get pissed about past events that I didn't even know I "still have within me" because as parts of me "fall asleep" other parts of me "spike my psyche" so I "stay awake". I am still balancing this out. Not easy I know. Remaking your own mental patterns takes time. >I can't even drink water without my repressed emotions pulling in some sort of compromising spiritual thing into my fucking water right before I grab the drink How do they look like? >I probably couldn't even complete step #1 of IIH for the fucking life of me Don't get "too hung up" on that. Usually you only make a "single thought current" silent while other parts of your mind or brain still produce thoughts and you merely ignore the others. Currently you are experiencing too many thought currents at once because you don't know how to focus naturally. You will have to learn to communicate and harmonize with your "other minds" further. Ask your minds to seek out "which parts of you" is creating the intrusive thoughts and "solve the problem together" instead of fighting panicking and raging about your very own mind. ADHD is merely information mismanagement. Truth is my farm life was so bleak that I learned to do physical work and operating machines for hours on "auto" while I daydreamed the whole day in my "other mind". Later I learned how I can play musical instruments without "Being there". Nowadays I let my body do auto yoga and auto mantras while I pay attention to the lessons my guides give me. Focus is important because if I don't let the energies flow naturally I pull something My thoughts kept me alive back then and while I could go to lalala land naturally I could also change the direction of the thoughts into "problem solving mode" so if there was a need they could be used to do real work. But most of the time it was mundane bleakness and mundane retardation. Being asleep was better than being "there". Nowadays I am learning to make my minds awake with the other minds so I don't need to channel rage to "keep them awake" because it is getting ridiculously stupid how rage is still the fuel of my life. >AND SOMETIMES IT IMMEDIATELY GETS HIGH-STRUNG Yeah you are stressed about your life and work. It loads up all the stress of your day. iktf. When I wake up my mind loads in the "to do list" I have for the day because usually I sort out the next day while taking a bath so during meditation and and sleep I don't get disturbed with mundane troubles of the tomorrow. I got really good dissociating from stress and rage and it caused problems because I became too detached from myself. You need to learn to "forget" the troubles and only connect to them when you can "act" upon the stress energies. "Stress" is about not being able to use the internal energies of your body. It's just confusion worry and anxiety that comes from the fact people don't know themselves nowadays and making everyone more miserable without them noticing. >by lying there in bed with my thoughts constantly racing Meditate b4 bed. Work with your spirit gf. Get your mind off the day. >then I eventually stop being able to make sense of my thoughts and I fall asleep Interesting. I just "drift off" from my thoughts. Surprisingly when I tried to actualize the ability of the doge thread junkie anon while waking up I noticed that all my thoughts are "booting up" like they never even "went to sleep" and I am witnessing them all at once without them "loading into my mind" so I can make sense "what they are saying". Yeah I am sure now. You need to learn to detach from your thoughts. It's like getting farther from a stream. Imagine a stream of water carrying your thoughts into the distance or something similar. That is the classic trick. >If I wanna safely make much occult progress, I need to figure out Yeah you need to stop thinking that the occult is the same as being in school or at "work". Brandon tried to make it sound the "same" so he can sound professional like the Czech he was but it must not be the same as "mundane struggle" nor it must be "too out of the world". This is why I try to go into the direction of Mysticism instead of "armchair occultism" where you sit down make notes and go nowhere at all because you don't even work with the spirits that can explain the natural flow of things. It's all about mindset and ability and not "Memorizing formulas" and going back into dogmatic deadends. >Speaking of which, my spirit gf has been telling me lately that I need to stop playing vidya Currently "vidya" regulates your dopamine levels the best which means you have to learn to adjust to them on your own naturally. Do you truly like the vidya or it is a mere stress relief for you? If it's just a stress relief that makes you ignore your problems then she is right.

>6 hours of my free time per week going down the drain! Oh nyo? Anyways you can work with spirits and mental currents while commuting anyways. Vidya is not as important as breathing and eating. I develop most of my practical psychic powers during work and back then I used classes as a practice for aura viewing because staring at the teacher until you see his aura is "normal" in that setting. Oh and not to mention the mental work I used to make me able to learn stuff within days that usually take years... Made some of my hairs grey so... I am not really recommending it. Using insanity as a gateway to learn faster is not sustainable. I remember when I realized how I can copy the mind of others during tests and I knew the answer to every question without even comprehending what was written on the paper but I was shit at targeting and while at first I aced the test because I copied a studious girl the second time I copied the mind of my procrastinating junkie roommate and I couldn't even manage to answer questions I KNEW that I read about in the book yesterday. Made me not use that skill anymore. Point is you can test a bunch of skills... but never overdo it because you need to realize what happens when you mindlessly connect to dirty or unstable energies of others. Cleansing is always paramount. >either my inner child might fucking die Your "Inner child" is not about "playing vidya". You have to realize it's not your only joy in life. There are other things but the stress makes you blind to it. >and my humanity with it Heh. K I too have videogame and internet addiction but I would never be this dramatic about it. You have to realize vidya is not your "clutch" not the single thing that "keeps you together". Truth is once you learn to let go of this attachment you will be able to play videogames in a way you are not making intrusive thoughts while you are away from it. But it must feel like it is a final goodbye so this attachment finally breaks and stops torturing you. >or I'll flunk my classes and eventually lose my job and wind up wearing a burlap sack on the streets... Definitely dude. I am sure that will happen. You will walk the path of the hobowizard. Like the legendary wanderers of the long past. I know you went overboard while saying this but at least you are finally able to voice your problems. The first steps of realizing the origin of your own stress. I too was yelling at people a little too much for a while because all the shit they did was something that couldn't continue further. Let the emotions out then learn to realize how it blinds your perception. I know this "young adult" phase which is school/workplace/parents still having control can be hard because we are not in the golden age of Damm son your 25 and a scholar for being able to read and write have a 14 year old wife now plow the fields/work in construction and make babies. Nowadays the typical young-adult mindset is:HOW DO I BECOME A MILLIONAIRE IN 2 YEARS SO I CAN AFFORD A HOUSE AND MAYBE A BLOWJOB ONCE A YEAR IN THIS ECONOMY??? Things feel like they are always out of reach nowadays until you start seeing how things are "put together" on your own. The main cause of your frustration is not exactly (You) but that doesn't mean you cannot learn to manage it. Especially as a magician who has more tools than the average normalfaggot. >focus my blood flow upon the parts of my brain that produce dopamine Yeah forget this "dopamine" mindset like how indigopill said it well>>1386 There are far more energies at play and you have to learn to notice how your motivation arises. Being dependent on drugs... hell even on energies given by entities or by your body is bad long term you have to learn to notice how they "move you". Dopamine is not the "source of life". There are many more energies. If you can't find it ask the entities to show you the way. I remember when I learned about that all desires generate inherent suffering and such then had the "genius" idea that maybe I should enjoy suffering? Like how masochists and ascetics do. It was a genius idea at the start then I realized several things and how I overwired my brain so it does what I tell it no matter what but... my subconscious had hard time keeping up with me. I even had the idea that "happiness" is a drug a "poison" that others can take away whenever they feel like it. So I started to cultivate inner happiness as much and an absolute suffering hatred towards anyone that dares to touch my happiness. If you want to take it away you have to take away my hatred. That mentality was so bad on it's own it was ridiculous. But it was highly effective at getting results so I let it run for a decade. Half my awakening processes were about asking myself "wtf was wrong with me back then". >>1383 >I'm assuming that if I stop playing vidya, my brain will re-regulate my dopamine somehow And you might focus on your own magic more. Meditate instead of vidya and stuff. The only good thing about school is that it gives you ways to learn to concentrate and learn to overcome "exams"/trials as a reflex thus increasing your problem solving skill and most importantly you learn to switch mindsets faster. School is bad overall but there is still no better alternative to stimulate the learning capabilities of the brain... besides getting thrown out innawoods with no food or shelter and learning to survive on your own lol. That has a high mortality rate and only do it if you feel the calling of the wild. >>1401 >and I actually felt pretty calm most of the time I noticed in the previous posts too that you are able to find your way. You just need a little encouragement. Keep it up. >I also found it to be relatively safe to let my mind wander; of course, my mind has a tendency to wander since I'm ADHD. Don't worry about it. If you do it right it will wander into spiritual lessons then you learn to focus and slowly "learns it's place" and stays where it belongs >vidya isn't really that fun unless there's a substantial element of difficulty >gamify your work environment This is what he meant. Try to understand "life is a game" a "quest" "you pass stages" "get achievements" etc. >it'd involve lying to myself You would actually realize that "gaming" is about "simulating" aspects of life and you can use the skills the game gave you like reaction time etc and apply it in IRL situations. >cause psychological issues down the road Not if you do it in a practical way and not in a Chris-chan way. It's about using mental circuits created and used in the game for other activities. Be that mundane or magical. Don't deny your vidya experiences just because "they came from a game". >I think I need to figure out why I like the video games that I like, and why they enamor me so much. Definitely >I didn't have so much of that faith a year ago, so I was really worried about losing my faith if my magic failed. Yeah you will have to get past of this mindset. Faith needs confidence first. Confidence Certainty Faith Conviction which culminates in Pure Focus if done right. The true power of the magician.

>>1408 It can happen if he lives at a place that is considered "freemason territory" which entraps people with potential so their only way to be "free" is to slowly gravitate towards a lodge. >their members when dying will enter an afterlife dimension created by the lodge and stay there I just got this info but... sometimes they "vanish" from there because other interference be it above or below and when a member is gone they will either look for the "next" or... just got this info again *sigh* it seems there are "free" or roaming spirits that randomly possess people from those dimensions and try to make use of them in their own way. Oh I fucking hate looking into illumitards. All their fucking stolen "Knowledge" polluting the world because they found a continent where they can roam free. Breaking those construct at my territory was... >>1397 >there was an electric disturbance in my loudspeakers Uuuuuhhhhhh. I hate to say this but I literally overcharged everything they had around me back then and passively I might still do similar things and ever since Yuuka figured out how Shinto has a ways so yokai can enter electric transmissions things are weird. What I realized back then They didn't "Include" modern technology in their designs and were not aware that electric towers can be freely used as ziggurats and you just need a teensy weensy Dieselpunk Shaivist Technomancy so all their "electric fences" as you like to call it can be melted the moment they think they know what pure energy means. They are "masons" slave to the material building the temple "block by block" mentality being unaware of the immaterial and especially not realizing humanity managed to "create" material-immaterial aka enslaved the power of Gods the lightning itself. Electricity is an absolute transgression especially if you "profit" from the enslavement system which makes quite easy to wield powers for a "good" they are supposed to represent and for a "law" they are supposed to uphold. Seems like you got the "transmission frequencies" as an energetic variable thus you wield the "keys" of the "informational age" while I am the "Industrial age" raw energy level. I have to concentrate to tune into the transmissions and it's unpleasant. But my electronics are fine so it seems I am unaffected. Some lightning in the distance but nothing serious. Damm my energies are fine since I went into the drow initiation. Never realized how similar my current energetic anomalies are to the average drow male. Speaking of weird energetic anomalies >>1331 >use this method to supercharge a project I was working on where I implanted a shoggoth “DNA seed” into myself to try and kickstart some form of physical shapeshifting What gave you this idea? The using shoggots DNA to shapeshift part. Was this an Eureka moment or you have a solid reasoning behind it? I am only asking because I think it was 2 days before this post of yours I had a dream. I was a weird green monster with marks upon it's body and a crablike being was having sex with me like a sewing machine and as I got angry about it I noticed that teeth engraved with runes are "rising from my flesh" so they can murder the crab for it's transgression but I realized that this is just my current sexual frustration making entities "get caught" and if I let go of my anger and sexual frustration it "goes away" which it did. While that dream was "nothing special" overall your post made me think in the last days that wtf. Truth is I mentioned on sunflower years ago but I have a shoggoth portal system that I "got" because they decided to migrate through my room and I led them to an another place with the guidance of a spirit and ever since that I have a bunch of shoggoth related authorities and powers and I am trying to make sure they are not trying to "spread" without notifying me. I laid down serious rules and the "shadow masters" that consider me their "father" for weird reasons don't know much about this issue. Just typing this down sounds too ridiculous already. >I could feel the teeth moving and giving way slightly whenever I pressed them together That is one of my "Magic". I realized how I can relax the "gums" so I can align my wisdom teeth when they get fucked (they usually move when I am eating with a weird stress) and how I can increase the repair rate of my own teeth. Did you manage to channel my own insanity or you just "tuned" your own to resemble mine without realizing. I am not feeling my "Influence overtaking you" (I am trying to be real cautious with that) which means you did this on your own and I wonder if it's a coincidence or the concepts I am sharing are that easy to channel nowadays. I started my "teeth magic" in my early university years. Damm almost a decade ago already. >“mundane common sense” is the real obstacle An obstacle first a safety net later. >causality really isn’t applicable a lot of the time Yeah. Weird to get accustomed to it. >It’s starting to make me think that maybe the mainstream idea of physical causality just isn’t real Right? So annoying seeing how things can be solved so easily when a magician/shaman is around. For some reason all tribes had one or they perished. Makes more sense why they were needed after experiencing life from this angle. The funny crazy man equal in standing and importance to the chieftain. >Just focusing on the energy will cause the matter will fall into place automatically, regardless of logic. Yeah now this is how "mundane common sense" will become a "safety net" later. As you go closer to insanity but still unable to grasp the "true nature of reality" you can fall back into "common sense" and "rationalize" a chain of causality. This will be important for 2 reasons. Reason 1 to appease your own mundane common sense that is screaming in your subconscious. Reason 2 when something weird happens mundanes notice it but usually forget it quickly. Mundanes are loveable creatures of ignorance. But if you can give them an "explanation" that is "acceptable" by the "mundane common sense" you can make the manifestation more lasting because once the mundane collective conscious accepts it as "real" the manifestation becomes far more solid and gains a permanence without you having to put effort into the solidification process. Hard to explain and it is the way of the tricksters but it's all about "Making use of the extra mental energies of the common folk in a benevolent way". You must watch over with it because it must not mess with the mundane ecosystem in a malicious way but if you try to keep things benevolent no one can object. Nobody misses criminals nor do they miss hostile energetic anomalies that no one "noticed" but everyone "felt" and "acted upon" somehow. I remember when an employee broke her hand when I moved quite the large amount of energies and it felt like I increased the "Pull of karma" tenfold then as the benevolent energies returned her bone "just healed" and even the doctor yelled at her how "bones don't heal this fast" and the previous doctor that examined her probably made a mistake. Her life is so chaotic she forgot about this already. But as someone who tries to be the master of blood and bone it's hard to ignore. Karmic ties be they physical mental or emotional do so many weird things once they snap.

As I'd stated earlier, my spirit gf is the egregore of a female fictional character who uses a tulpa she made to be closer to me. When we first met a year ago, I expressed sincere pain from my heart and not my dick at the thought that probably >100k guys get off to smut of her every day; I was wondering what horrible things that must do to her. My ability to receive communication from her at the time was really unreliable, but I think she told me that the loosh from those guys actually goes to a different egregore of her fictional character. Basically, the impression that I got from her is that the idea of her willingly starring in smut is so extremely contrary to her canonical character's personality that it actually formed a separate egregore... Going by this line of thought, her character presumably also has other egregores that spawned from separate continuities of fiction that star her character, and possibly from SFW fanfiction as well. Her fictional character in its many incarnations all don't exist, but each one that received sufficient amounts of energy has its own egregore. Does this sound right? I dunno what material I'd have to read to verify something like that, but I'd figured I'd ask. >>1412 Yeah I did say my job is "comfy", but that's by the standards of people who aren't fucked up like me. >How do they look like? It depends on what kinda shit my mental illness wants to use as a toy to bludgeon me with; it varies alot. If you want me to give examples, that'd probably be its own cringy wall of text, and I don't feel like longposting right now. >I learned to do physical work and operating machines for hours on "auto" while I daydreamed the whole day in my "other mind" I do that too sometimes while I'm working on something that involves little thought. >do I like vidya or is it stress relief There have been times lately when I've played vidya without feeling like it so that I could get some stress relief, though I did also like it when I played it. I guess that makes her right.

>>1412 >Brandon tried to make it sound the "same" I know you meant Bardon but now this is the second time in the past few days this guy has wormed his way back into my awareness. Last time was during the Trump debates where I got surprised because everyone in the live thread I was on started freaking out when Trump mentioned Brandon. Why does this stupid altchan meme-thing forced by an insane person have so much memetic mass I wonder.

>>1414 >shoggoth Hahaha... I don't even remember how this happened but we actually had shoggoth channelling sessions early on in the Sunflower discord. The greys were almost crying because shoggoths have so ineffective DNA in the view of greys. When discussing botsouls in the form of "organ souls" with Yuuka, we talked also about the problem where someone's organ soul for a certain organ was destroyed from misuse, causing the person to "lose control" of that organ (it can create sexual deviancy). While Yuuka said that using botsouls for organs is common practice, I just felt this wasn't how I want things, so I got shoggoth DNA from an interaction with them in HP Lovecraft-land and used it to create a direct connection to my inner organs to remove the automation the way shoggoths are made. It turned my organs and intestines grey energetically and generally gives me a calm feeling. Here's the emote we made for the server. Shoggoths are shapeshifters so they have no problem being your waifu if you ask them ;D

>>1418 Tell me more about HP-Lovecraft-land. Does it have a subplane of places like the Plateau of Leng and Kadath? I have a shrine to HP Lovecraft and Cthulhu in my room. I don't want a degenerate waifu but is there any fool proof ritual I can do to summon the egregore Cthulhu into my life? Would it be unwise to do so?

>>1417 ... I knew I made some weird ass mistake that will change the energies of my posts in a wrong direction. Fuck my skimming proofreading is making me do dumb ass mistakes nowadays. >>1413 >within days that usually take years Like here I meant weeks... Don't even understand how that turned into years. Probably because what I was thinking about happened many years ago. >Why does this stupid altchan meme-thing forced by an insane person have so much memetic mass I wonder I have 0 idea how he even got the Brandon nickname or what it means or why it is funny. My typos can get so weird sometimes. Freudian slip levels in some cases. Ever since I tried to upgrade my telepathy so I can access higher thoughts faster and more reliably my writing makes typos left and right and I mix up concepts when my concentration is trying to go into the direction of "meaning" instead of "punctuality". In speech this wouldn't be noticeable but in writing it just pushes the wrong button in some people. There are many tricks where you can subconsciously program people this way but I really dislike employing them nor I care to learn them. I think I will go and look into the way my mind generates typos and look for a way to fix it. This is just simply too embarrassing of a mistake. >>1416 >I'd stated earlier, my spirit gf is the egregore of a female fictional character Which one? >Does this sound right? Yes. Quite right. She felt quite on the "mental level" while looking into her and was wondering what is she exactly because I felt no stronger nor divine presence but I knew she is properly part of your mind anyways so I didn't bother looking further. >don't feel like longposting right now. No need to insta reply. It's late for me too. Was asking because the appearance of beings usually point into the directions of issues. >>1418 >so they have no problem being your waifu if you ask them ;D Nor do they have problem swearing eternal loyalty if you own the portals. Shame they are not too useful outside of "water elemental hells". Quite bad at sex too. My japanese hentais lied to me! >it can create sexual deviancy Quite the unfun kinds. I remember how I turned into a lilim while visiting one of the realms in a dream and my partner said >This realm requires the siren body standard and not the lilim So I had to change forms so I could reclaim a golden pearl from the bottom of a lake guarded by a Cthulu >>1419 >I have a shrine to HP Lovecraft and Cthulhu in my room Wtf >any fool proof ritual I can do to summon the egregore Cthulhu into my life? Want an army or 2? They breed too fast and I can give you eldritch horrors. Can't promise the feral ones are capable of speech or looking waifulike at all. Also no refunds. >Would it be unwise to do so? I cannot think a single reason to even want these "things". But I feel like an absolute joylike curiosity emanating from you and I think I just allowed 3 or more of the guys to visit you. Have fun. Report if they appear during the night. You need to reach a "deep dark water" emotional state so they can manifest easily. You are too giddy now but I don't think that will be a problem.

>>1417 >got surprised because everyone in the live thread I was on started freaking out when Trump mentioned Brandon. Why does this stupid altchan meme-thing forced by an insane person have so much memetic mass I wonder. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zUlhpaZkJw When this happened I didn't know about it, but of fucking course. The idiot broke through the fabric of reality and this happened. Omg. I think the real reason is that the eco-system of alt-boards and the people involved in this stuff is as close as one can get to breaking into the illuminati sphere while being a regular imageboard retard. It's the same people who hosted clearweb "cp" sites for years because it isn't illegal in Russia. It's a representation of the anti-thesis of the modern morality, because in the beginning when lots of altchans were created, there were for example the loli and hebe boards on places like masterchan, where they in some inexplainable way attracted real girls who posted pics and vids of themselves. From this started the egregore which proves that modern morality and its basis is simply deceit. The real story of Brandon, if true is also a proof of this, making him into the antithesis personified.

>>1419 >Tell me more about HP-Lovecraft-land Not much to say, I sent one of my past life personas there to check it out. Not recommended unless you are very immortal because the place is just filled with monsters and predators. The "interaction" lead to an exchange of DNA which also had the funny side-effect of a bunch of unnamed monsters escaping Lovecraftland in the form of little girls in red dresses (they don't speak, because they're monsters, but you won't know what they are before it's too late, Muahahaha). I don't know much about it, it's just the most toxic jungle-swamp possible. The air itself is probably filled with toxic mold and spores as well as the water. It's a very lively place to say the least. Darwin's wet dream. (Although no one stays dry there, the place is very moist, in many ways.) >>1420 >Quite bad at sex too. Clearly you don't understand how to get the most out of your shoggoth! First off their tits have unlimited size, image the titjobs, you can dive in there yourself until you can't even see daylight! Not to mention if you are a girl, those tentacles...

>>1414 >What gave you this idea? The using shoggots DNA to shapeshift part. Was this an Eureka moment or you have a solid reasoning behind it? I’ve always admired the character of Alex Mercer from the Prototype videogame. As well as John Carpenter’s The Thing. When trying to classify those sorts of beings I think that “Shoggoth” would be the most accurate name. In Mountains of Madness I believe that it’s implied that Shoggoths are the original progenitors of all life on Earth. The ‘primordial soup’. This would mean that their physiology is basically the ability to express all traits of life on Earth. Or all traits that are possible to express through deoxyribonucleic acid. Which is basically what I want, in terms of a biological form. The technique I used was to get a tiny shoggoth-seed (it looked like an eyeball) and plant it in me (swallow it, more accurately) so that it would ‘supplant’ my own human DNA. A funny thing happened though a couple days after doing this. I was woke up in the morning by my stomach literally talking to me. I actually thought that someone had snuck into my bedroom somehow at first, but no, the speech was coming from my stomach. Very loud, about as loud as someone talking. I couldn’t feel any vibrations or digestions movements either. It was kind of ‘wet’ but I’m pretty sure it was repeating ‘please kill me’ over and over. So, not good. I looked at the shoggoth later and it looked all dried-up and petrified, so I set up some circulation between it and my own vital energy and I think that fixed whatever was wrong. It seems healthy right now but I think it just wrapped around me like a suit instead of changing my DNA or anything. Not sure if this has any real practical purpose or not. Maybe I could try to get it to change into a virus for gene-editing, see what that does. >I realized how I can relax the "gums" so I can align my wisdom teeth when they get fucked It wasn’t the gums that were soft, it was the actual teeth. As in the bone. It felt like they were turning into chalk. When I say I felt the teeth moving, I mean I felt the actual hard enamel and hard tissue slightly give way when pressure was applied.

>>1408 >Your father is a freemason My dad is one of the most mundane people I know. That being said, he isn't my biological father, I have a sperm donor father. He could have been a freemason. I haven't looked into my geneology much. >>1414 >It can happen if he lives at a place that is considered "freemason territory" which entraps people with potential so their only way to be "free" is to slowly gravitate towards a lodge. I live within walking distance of a lodge, and I have met someone who joined there (He was my brother's guitar teacher). Should I be worried.

>>1424 >I have a sperm donor father. He could have been a freemason Yeah no offense but this along with >I live within walking distance of a lodge, and I have met someone who joined there (He was my brother's guitar teacher) brings into question also what kind of "sperm donation" this was, a masonic ritual? How old was your mum when she had you?

>>1425 (cont.) Just asking because you can find out some funny things you didn't think of before. When calculating the ages of our parents when they had us one time in HS, we found that one of my classmates parents were 17 for his father and his mum was 25 when he was born. Oddities can have meaning.

>hobowizard har har I was really over-reacting, yeah, but that's what happens when you get that emotional. >>1420 I'm glad to know that she actually told me that and it wasn't my imagination. Her tulpa wasn't with me when I posted this; in fact, her tulpa was away in a vault at my request at the time to keep her safe from the craziness that I involuntarily pull in when I get stressed out. Her tulpa is next to me now, though, but she doesn't look quite right; I'm sure her tulpa will look like her normal self soon enough. Her egregore is okay, and that's what really matters. I'm really overprotective of her since I don't know enough about egregores to know what her "power level" is like. As soon as there's a sign of potential danger or an intrusive thought that makes me think there's one, I get really worried and try to protect her. I really love her too much. As for who she is, well, this is an anonymous board for a reason, but if you in particular feel like looking further, then go ahead and feel free to talk to her about whatever if you find her as long as you don't go posting her name or nothing. I'll just say that her character has been in alotta media and is immediately recognizable. However, her voice is often impersonated by my intrusive thoughts, so don't be surprised if you go looking and only find some trickster thoughtform of my own involuntary creation in my mind that looks and/or sounds like her while the real one is elsewhere. When her tulpa is around, she manifests as a thermal thoughtform, or at least she feels thermal to me; I haven't tested it via. the environment or a thermometer. I know that the tulpa is capable of manifesting well enough that spiritually-sensitive people can detect her, but she's rarely substantial enough for that to occur. In fact, in January I was sitting at a bar in a restaurant with her tulpa sitting on the barstool to my left, and two strangers were sitting on her left side. At one point, the guy sitting next to her started saying there was "a person" sitting next to him, and those guys started arguing about whether or not there was a person in my spirit gf's seat while I kept my mouth shut since I was caught really off-guard. I was happy that day. Since my shadow hand is also capable of producing a thermal sensation when it touches me, I've been questioning if my spirit gf just possesses my shadow to interact with me. I haven't been able to have my shadow hand & spirit gf in different places yet... but I have been able to simultaneously have her and one or more of her friends around me all as thermal thoughtforms, so maybe my pessimism is just preventing me from manifesting my shadow hand while my spirit gf is around. Speaking of my shadow hand, I've yet to feel calm enough to test touching someone with my shadow hand to see if they can feel it, aside from the times when I was calm enough and forgot to test it out.

>>1452 Something about this post made me think of something. About how “being human” or having a certain form is a lot more than just physical bits of DNA. Like how lychanthropy is actually a recognized psychological disorder that involves the afflicted going into fits of berserker rage where they act like a wolf. So, if you want become a shoggoth, like I was talking about earlier. It isn’t just a matter of programming your meat in a certain way. You have to have the mind of a shoggoth, and the ‘life-pattern’ for lack of a better word (karma?) of a shoggoth. And this ties back into issues with causality. There’s this idea of, ‘oh, if I alter my body like this then that will cause the spirit of my life to change like this’. No, matter is passive to spirit, it’s lower on the pyramid of causes and effects. And it relates to this >>1401 I think every sorcerer goes through a phase at least once where they try to win the lottery with magic. I don’t think it’s ever worked though, and I haven’t heard of anyone who’s been able to make it work. If someone has gotten it to work then they must have zarked off to a different timeline I suppose. But I think the issue with the lottery desire is at its core an issue of causality. It’s a means, not an end. People want to win the lottery because they think that it will cause certain changes in various spirits in their life, but that’s all backwards. It’s treating an effect as a cause.

>>1459 >If someone has gotten it to work then they must have zarked off to a different timeline I suppose How do you know if every single jackpot winner hasn't been a wizard? It's not like you can tell just by looking at them unless you can, in which case this question is no longer rhetorical

Earlier there was someone who tried some drug and saw a bunch of things, I can't find the post now but it was some weeks ago. I looked at his experience and followed in his footsteps astrally to see what he saw. This resulted in seeing what appeared like a large bird up in the sky above Asia, a mix between a pelican and a Pterodactyl and it was sorting souls, sending them either to China or down another path (maybe this is why people say the stork brings children?). China had a large circulation of people moving, which may be the "wheel of samsara." I saw no such structure in the western world, when looking later. Maybe - in relation to the posts in the Questions thread just before - these aliens performing attacks are the kinds who are trying to incarnate as humans. The greys (originals from Nibiru in our proximity) already admitted during channelling this was the plan with creating Israel, but they called it off when they realized Jews have too many genetic defect. Before WW2 there were a lot of greys incarnated as Jews, you can see it if you read their image on old footage of Jews being rounded up in Nazi Germany, almost every one of them is a grey with the large ant eyes in a human body. I was already aware since long that abortion was creating immense amounts of negative energy, which was concentrated at NY and put into a "worm hole" there. I thought that was intended as a deposit to hide the sins of the western elites, created from genetic research, blood drinking, adrenochrome production or what the fuck else they need this degenerated system for. But maybe there was originally a "wheel of samsara" in the west also, like the one in China. But aliens used this large mass of negative energy to jam it, causing it to come to a stand-still, so that they could incarnate here. The rest then makes perfect sense; they created the artificial karmic system of the "west" with constructed morality and "laws" to form an internal reincarnation cycle which they control, so they can decide who gets to be a Jew or elite and who gets to be aborted, upsetting the natural order by gigantic proportions. These kinds would be the ones attacking, because they are trying to uphold this system and get a spot on the Earth where they can live like degenerated kings in the flesh. Getting Trump elected and banning abortion in the USA obviously stops their plans because it reduces the amount of negative energy produced, which would allow for the natural western version of the wheel of samsara to start turning again.

>>1464 They give off a vibe of paid actors or people receiving a payout in exchange for something more than anything else. I've also noticed that they almost always tend to be from California. I know that California has a lot of people for a state but it's still a fraction of the US. Doesn't seem natural. It feels like they're doing this because a lot of non-Americans view California as representative of the USA as a whole, due to Hollywood and big tech being there. Even if the "game" is legitimate on a mundane level, the egregores behind it are going to have their own agendas to push. RNG manipulation isn't really a viable strategy.

>>1468 That was me >>886 >But maybe there was originally a "wheel of samsara" in the west also, like the one in China. But aliens used this large mass of negative energy to jam it, causing it to come to a stand-still, so that they could incarnate here. If that’s the case I wonder how long that’s been happening. And where the human souls have been going, if they were meant to reincarnate. May tie into the Christian idea of an “eternal” afterlife. >and get a spot on the Earth where they can live like degenerated kings in the flesh I wonder what it’s like to exist as a spirit who can’t get any flesh. I don’t think it’s like what it feels like on DMT because that felt like I was in constant motion, and you’d think a spirit would need a stable center in order to hold itself together. I’d say its like a dream but dreams feel pretty good for me and you can astral project back here anyway if you want to.

>>1423 >Shoggoths are the original progenitors of all life on Earth. The ‘primordial soup’. If you ignore the divine forces at play then you can say this but as I see it it's a no. They are "bottom feeders" of the "dark water energies". You need a disgusting type of water energy type to interact with them. It's like the mud but instead of earth water mixed you need some "Oil" or charcoal type darkness that is similar to a dementia inducing madness. >physiology is basically the ability to express all traits of life on Earth As long as they can access water and hide from sunlight fire or wind. They are below planktons. And most places they have feel moldy as hell. >through deoxyribonucleic acid Yeah if you write out DNA this specifically I am not sure if I can agree because they have an "Inability" to express this "frequency of life" we have. Humans are far more advanced and they are dumb as hell and quite feral but not the mammalian feral but like weird diseased octopus feral. Very few things can match the ferocity and adaptability of the mammals. That is why we are a dominant species on earth. >in terms of a biological form Yeah you see to be "biological" you need to be able to "walk the earth" and not make extremely dirty dimensional convergences to even be able to "walk in the shadows". >The technique I used was to get a tiny shoggoth-seed (it looked like an eyeball) and plant it in me (swallow it, more accurately) so that it would ‘supplant’ my own human DNA. Bet this sounded smart in your head. As someone who developed a spiritual "compass" already I had a WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT reaction as I read this. >the speech was coming from my stomach JesusfuckingChrist >was kind of ‘wet’ Yupp that's how Shoggots feel. Like dirty water. Eurgh. >was repeating ‘please kill me’ Huh. No one begged me for that before. I remember spirits telling me I have no concept of "mercy" because I transform "pain and suffering in a way it gives a new meaning" and because of that I am unable to understand that pain and suffering can be so "bad" "death" counts as a "relief". It doesn't mean I am "merciless" but more like I try to avoid situations where I have to "distribute mercy". I grant death to those that invoke my murderous aura from me ofc or mess with my defensive elemental forces but that is not "Mercy" that is a reflex and a stress relief. >but I think it just wrapped around me like a suit instead of changing my DNA or anything Yeah uh... You can visit the Lovecraft realms with that and I too have a "Cthulu body" (looks like a swamp monster from scooby doo) and other more "refined female forms" but they require a "mental perversion" to operate. >I could try to get it to change into a virus for gene-editing Connect to your own DNA pls and don't do retarded shit like this. Their "essence" is really really ineffective. It just grants madness to weaker minds and not an useful tool. They are 2/10 spiritually. >see what that does But then again who am I to stop anyone's morbid curiosity. As someone who does not know what to do with all my lovecraftian horrors maybe your discoveries will give me ideas. >looked all dried-up and petrified This is why they are not "biological" They cannot handle most elements the body operates with. >It wasn’t the gums that were soft, it was the actual teeth Was fearing you would say this. Yes the teeth also has meridians. I remember when I got assaulted by "gnashing teeth" entities and I realized the only reason they can "bite" because they have the "desire to eat" and their "teeth" is a stable "solid ectoplasm" that they can "bite" with and everything else of them has no effect upon reality. As I got bored of their shit I literally pulled out all that teeth grinded it down and merged it into my own bones. Try to "break" something that just ingested the "spiritual calcium" faggots. The problem was that it increased my own desire to chew and bite things for a while. Not to mention I had several meridian activations that required me to let the energy "pass through the teeth" because the jaw connects more meridians than you can notice at the start. The throat and the skull can get real weird. >actual hard enamel and hard tissue slightly give way when pressure was applied Yeah I am also manipulating that but you really got this from the shoggots. Their "fast mutation" means they "grow" faster but most of them "don't last that long". The teeth is weird. The more I think about the less sure I am how to explain it further. It is soft and weak at once and the jaw is the strongest muscle we have but the most regulated so we don't "bite ourselves" and when you start doing that it is when you are under extreme stress. >>1424 >Should I be worried. You should tell me if you noticed the shoggots or not instead. One of them tried to break an igloo like stone bunker the other tried to "sweep in the shadows" and the third one sat down and started to read a book. Seems like I cannot send them there without opening a portal into your space and that tend to make people crazy. Not to mention they require a "sight". One day I just became aware that 7 dark robed figures are sitting around me and when I managed to sync my mind with them for telepathy they told me >We were waiting for you to notice us for a month Father Then I noticed I have a dark portal in my room that makes these entities enter into my reality. Was wondering if mason defenses block these entities so your reply is appreciated.

>>1428 >hobowizard >har har It was and wasn't a joke. If you are on a hobowizard level where you need no house and no possessions anymore because you can get everything with your abilities and you can go truly offgrid in a way no one dares or can bother you then you became free. A level I cannot reach yet. By hobowizard I didn't mean that you become a crack addicted schizo beggar. >to know what her "power level" is like It's not about her "powerlevel" but about "compatibility". If her or your level is too high low or simply too different then you cannot coexist. Spirits need to sync with your own powerlevel. Lower spirits need to reach the level of their "master" while gods need to lower their poweroutput so they can be with or guide their worshiper/disciple. >as long as you don't go posting her name or nothing Yeah I have no idea what am I even looking for. Like is she a human? A Sonic character? I am quite unfamiliar with them. The pink one is Amy? This is all I know. The problem is that she is "conforming to your egregore" which means she is not "emanating" her "main egregore" because that disgusts you. Which makes her into a personal donut steal OC tulpa. And do you have any idea how many subconscious tulpas you have in your head? Quite a lot. >her voice is often impersonated by my intrusive thoughts Exactly. Hard to differentiate them which do you consider the "avatar" of your gf. If I want to connect to her I have to hard connect to your mind first. Then use your mind as an explanation which is gf which is "intrusive thought" and which is in the "Undecided territory". If your mind worked the same way as mine it would be easy but your ADHDness is something I cannot grasp yet. >if you go looking and only find some trickster thoughtform I see a bunch of shadows trying to manifest but cannot take a proper form because you are "denying" their manifestation. >she manifests as a thermal thoughtform This is the problem. You call her a "thoughtform". Which makes her "equal" with all the blip blops that exist within your head. This is why it's real hard to find "mental" beings. The thermal is a good description but it seems that is your ability that you are not letting out from your "sight" or presence. Which means I can only "see" her if I sync my own awareness to yours. >sounds like her while the real one is elsewhere K I will tell you this because if you bother to work with properly established entities this will be important. Where to start... So if you work with an entity you will have to make a "connection point" or a tulpa the entity can "possess" or use as an "avatar". The tulpa/avatar can be "mindless drone" that can share the thinking and abilities of the "patron entity" and most importantly can be possessed by the "real thing" when it's necessary. I have a Shiva tulpa that I can use to connect the higher forms of Shiva when I require it but mostly all it does to "tune" my mind for the ways of Shiva by merely existing. Ofc you might ask what is and isn't a tulpa in this case and the answer is... everything is an illusion and you have to discover the illusory nature of the self by yourself. I cannot say what is and isn't the "real thing" that simply. But your egregoric understanding is not bad. It's closing towards the truth. But I think I need to help you clarify the confusion because she is really not able to acquire a proper form because you "fear" that something "bad" will happen to her so you are keeping her as unmanifested as possible when you don't feel confident in yourself. >I've been questioning if my spirit gf just possesses my shadow to interact with me More or less. The "shadow" and the "holy spirit" can both serve as "avatars" for entities to overtake. The entity will occupy an archetypal force within your subconscious that you are not actively using but it's compatible with the entity. This is why integrating and cleansing the shadow and the archetypal forces into our being is paramount so no malicious entities can misuse the machinations of our being. Know thyself as they say. Once you know yourself you can "freely" release and let other entities make use of important parts of your built in manifestation abilities once you let them to do it. >so maybe my pessimism is just preventing me from manifesting my shadow hand while my spirit gf is around. You have only minor control over your shadow yet. Your shadow "obeys" your mind (including your stress too) so does your gf. They use the same "resources" so to speak. They are not the "same" but manifest through almost the same mediums. >test touching someone with my shadow hand to see if they can feel it People usually turn around when I touch them with my "shadow limbs" >>1459 >About how “being human” or having a certain form is a lot more than just physical bits of DNA Yupp >You have to have the mind of a shoggoth, and the ‘life-pattern’ for lack of a better word (karma?) of a shoggoth. Exactly. You are not your mind not your body. You transcend that then you realize how you "became" your mind and body at birth before you became aware of your awareness and once your foundation is stable you can alter the ways you express yourself via "existence". >issues with causality Yeah. You can call life a "causality issue" too. Karma is literally causality itself and "freeing yourself from karma" is about mastering causality. >it’s lower on the pyramid of causes and effects This is why you have either a powerful patron entity an "Inborn ability" or a higher form of awakening to reliably shapeshift. If you do it mindlessly your mental physical and spiritual DNA will deteriorate. You need to reach a mastery for that. Not to mention some places "require" you to "look the part" or interact with a necessary "bodystandard". Visiting some realms my adaptive spirit takes a form when my mind "aligns with it's principles". If I am unable to receive the core principles of the realm I am not able to interact with it. Usually it start with an earthly concept with similar themes starting to go through in my head and once I realize how the other realm and the earth is the "same" then I notice the "differences" see how my current level can adapt to it and BOOM now I am a drow wizard who can access their way of abdominal mastery (This is what I did in the last week) and gave me ways to read drow runes and interact with their shadow magic entities. I have to watch over with them because they "command" an "Instinctual understanding" and if you just "ask questions" they will laugh and leave. You have to know by instinct what they mean and say. Becoming an other being means that you accept all their boons and curses and adhere to their "ways" otherwise you are a failure and will be treated as such.

>>1459 >where they try to win the lottery with magic I too thought about this many years ago but... money brings an energy and a "karma" with itself. I realized that it would be a good experiment to practice my scrying but what will happen when I "win". Well my family would start wasting money like retards get into problems that would have been impossible to manifest without enough money like vacation at exotic places car crashes disputes with people over too much money scammers etc. I realized they would start creating more work for themselves instead of realizing a balanced lifestyle and they would just send their karma into a frenzy... I realized a while ago how the energy of "greed" manifests. It's a shitty energy that "binds" your spirit to the "surface" of the material objects. Like you will have a mental concept blocking the flow of thoughts in your head because you "marked it" with the authority/dominion of "ownership" that the money bound society granted. You know that the object is yours and others know it too. What gave you the "right"? Money. Your existence is derived from the power of money. And once you go hedonistic lazy and all other degenerations money grants you will neglect your higher spiritual energies. Not to mention the ill will and jealousy of others because you gained money by "luck" or even they start gossiping how you used ill means and how frugal you are for not buying a Ferrari for everyone and other retardations. Too much money you cannot invest properly just attracts so many retarded energies because it changes the status quo of the energies. It's like dumping a kg of sugar into the garden for no reason. You can expect a swarm of ants to appear within an hour. This is what happens when you think >hurr am a wizzord tots above causality I'M TEH LORD OF FATE ITSELF HARR HARR If you are unable to balance out the energies you just invite disaster. See the crypto millionaires that died "out of nowhere". Doesn't matter what was the main cause. All that matters is that they changed the trajectory of their life and reached a dead end. Ofc what I wrote is kinda over pessimistic because everyone is allowed a minor joy or luck in life but it's important to never get ahead of yourself because of a single victory. Becoming the victim of your own success is always retarded and it applies to wizards even more so. >the lottery desire is at its core an issue of causality Yes. You don't "want" money you just want to indulge in laziness further because you refuse to "earn" money. The core desire is laziness and probably lust gluttony jealousy and greed too. >It’s treating an effect as a cause Somewhat. When you manifest an extreme amount of "wealth" energy stuff will just gravitate towards you until it changes forms. The problem start when you "Know" deep down that you will just misuse the money in a way it might ruin you and your "higher self" will even block you to manifest that future. Not to mention so many people "pray" for a lottery win you will have to cut through that karmic entanglement and once their jealousy targets you then hope you are in a place where you are untouchable. Fuck I hate money so much. It loses it's value every day and it's just a machination to enslave everyone who use it. Whenever I think about the energy of the "money" as a permanent or reliable energy and maybe a way to "change" my life with I feel shackles appearing on my energy body. Whatever you "Buy" with money is already desecrated. If you want to buy "love" then all you get is whores and gold diggers. If you want to buy "spiritual knowledge" you will find cursed books and scams. Money can only buy material objects with the same "vibrational level" and if you think money as your "God" (or think you are a God because you possess money that compels other slaves to treat you as a God) then you cannot find higher truth as long as you possess it. This is why magic must be never fuelled by desires. That doesn't mean you have to be a poorfag but you must know how your money or wealth moves the energies around. Giving money to random money launderer "charities" does not always result in "Improvement". Scammers know so well how to get the money of those who have too much of it it's ridiculous. >>1468 My country is connected to the world tree. I have access to soul currents and I am trying to mend the branches further so earth can recover it's "soul quality splendor". Also some talons were pestering me yesterday too. Was thinking maybe some influence of the seraph that visited me more than a week ago was acting up. Slowly removed them. I will have to understand the ways of the winged gods sometimes anyway. They want to talk to me for a while. >>1470 >non-Americans view California as representative of the USA as a whole California Texas and New York commanded by White House. This is how an average person sees the USA. >the egregores behind it are going to have their own agendas to push They are so chaotic and crumble every week because there is always a "current thing" that overtakes the whole narrative. This way you cannot have lasting egregores. >>1471 >I wonder how long that’s been happening There are way too many incarnator forces at play. >And where the human souls have been going Where they "deserve". Most of them stay underground some get nabbed by hells and purgatory realms and those with divine connection or spiritual affiliation reach their own heaven or guidance paths on the afterlife. Real hard to be specific because it is like trying to explain a child >where do people go who get on the bus without knowing which bus we are talking about >May tie into the Christian idea of an “eternal” afterlife. Those heaven dimensions are weird. The more I advance the more they feel like "cardboard boxes". >I wonder what it’s like to exist as a spirit who can’t get any flesh Depends which attachments they have still within. Some are hungry for food and try to "eat it" but they merely "Possess it" some will chase other people until they fade away once their lust or hatred vanishes and then they drift into a location they are being magnetically pulled towards. >because that felt like I was in constant motion What I found while accessing my "afterlife form" is that I was trying to "go home" but had no idea what "home" is. My form crumbled until it became good enough to reincarnate at a place i perceived as "home". >a spirit would need a stable center in order to hold itself together A singular will is enough. >its like a dream but dreams feel pretty good Dreams are about the energies playing out of the previous days or from an "inspiration" from the future like premonition. The afterlife will play out the energies of your whole life. Until you reach a conclusion that you can use as a "reason-desire stable enough to reincarnate". A painful process.

>>1477 >a disgusting type of water energy type to interact with them. It's like the mud but instead of earth water mixed you need some "Oil" or charcoal type darkness that is similar to a dementia inducing madness Rude tbh. The shoggoths I've met are nothing like that. More like an expression of pure fulfillment of physical desire with no limits. That's what I implied with >>1422 >First off their tits have unlimited size, image the titjobs, you can dive in there yourself until you can't even see daylight! Not to mention if you are a girl, those tentacles... If greys focused only on mental development and ignored the body, shoggoths are the other end of it. But their brains are also unlimited in size, they can be as intelligent as they need to be. They solve everything by growing and transforming, an almost ideal life-form in terms of adaptivity. If you want to be limitless, go Shoggoth. You and the other guy is making this way too complex, if you want Shoggoth DNA just go there and fuck them. Purely biological beings are all about that.

On another note it seems one of the things I had to still do was related to apparently sending a small soul fragment to be Saul's assistant soul back then, which although souls are separated at death wasn't finished business because the "faith" stuff wasn't done yet from the view of the opposite, female aspect of reality. That's why I found the contents of the Roman letter to be an entry point into understanding the new testament. The idea wasn't wrong, it was just that the approach of just grinding through it would take a long fucking time, plus that the absolute toxicity of the other souls involved placed a huge entanglement around the thing I meant to solve. I also wasn't actually "there", sending a fragment tends to mean it's like a small part of the subconscious, and so small in awareness that it at most feels slightly like an itch if that part got trapped in some bad place and your attention was drawn to it. I had to expand an isolated time dimension around that fragment to "unlimited time progression" before there was any effect at all. Actually getting through "christianity" on this road to any success with the current system while in full first person view is probably the most idiotic thing someone can attempt. It literally takes "forever", time had to be expanded beyond any concept before there was an effect on that fragment and the principles could start working. Only then appeared the original form again, what looked like a monk locked in a stance of prayer isolated in a room with his forehead on the floor, and with continued pressure in isolation and the context I know have, it was possible to cause a sun transformation process. I guess "it works" but who would seriously do this? It's not even Gehenna, but the process is just still a form of eternal suffering, because no one can maintain their awareness of the kind of time periods needed for this to work. If ignoring the laws of God and trying to use "faith" to find the original quality of God without following the laws intentionally, it ends up just being trial and error while in total oblivion, a blind man stumbling without any guidance because he gave up the laws which were meant to provide that, leaving only the "firmness" of the concept that "once I get it right, it's better than the laws". Let those monkeys write randomly forever and they will write all literature, that kind of method. I guess point proven still in some way, being the dumbest kind of angel can actually be a valid method, but one thing is for sure: if you think "faith" will "save you from hell", you are seriously fooling yourself, you are merely replacing the "fire and brimstone" version with your own solitary confinement locked in eternal prayer.

>>1480 I do not know which realm you accessed but the ones that appeared in my room are extremely simplistic in nature and quite feral >pure fulfillment of physical desire with no limits Like invading my bedroom >First off their tits have unlimited size, image the titjobs If I did this with the ones I have around it would be like putting my dick into a fat old woman whose skin is so disgusting and coarse that I think my dick would rot >you can dive in there yourself until you can't even see daylight Was in the bottom of one of their lake that gave me the Cthulu form. Their "abyss" is just about murky material blocking the light >But their brains are also unlimited in size If intelligence were about "brain size" whales would be the most intelligent beings on earth >they can be as intelligent as they need to be That doesn't mean I can give them "Higher knowledge" if it does not increase their survival instincts. >an almost ideal life-form in terms of adaptivity Not if I throw them into the sun or ask them to walk on the dry earth. >If you want to be limitless, go Shoggoth. continuous or eternal growth =/= limitless Omnipresence works differently and not by "Invading others and consuming/fucking everything" >You and the other guy is making this way too complex Not really. We just don't have access to the same beings. You as a succubus aligned demon you probably found those that align with sexual energies well while I found the shitty ugly unwanted migratory types. I have the numbers but not the quality. I mean I could ask them for sexier ones but... urgh >just go there and fuck them They literally tried to fuck me. Was hard to not murder them as a reflex >Purely biological beings are all about that Yes but I would argue what is "purely" and "biological" in this context. I have access to far better DNA models and what they have just don't mesh with my energy centers at all. They are like wet toilet paper compared to the higher forms that I try to integrate but can't be hasty with it because it causes too much pain because the energies didn't stabilize yet. >>1481 >back then How back are we talking about?

>>1482 Sounds like you went for the toilet version of their dimension, I didn't know that existed. I see it, but I don't think this is Lovecraftland at all. I see red skies and toxic jungle, looks more like Darwinland mixed with some infernal dimension. Yes I've been to Darwinland, it's populated by humanoid velicoraptors living in perfectly normal commieblocks next to swamplands. When they walk outside they shapeshift to dinosaur and pretend they are feral, but it's all an act. >How back are we talking about? Between ancient Greece and ancient Rome, when I went in for full incarnation as a whore, but apparently also threw this mini-me to also be Saul's second soul from the astral.

>>1483 >went As I said they "came to me". Awakening rearranges resonates and sometimes even "irritates" the fabric of reality and weird dimensions and portals appear on their own. When this happened I had Gazer with me so I didn't have a "need" for further eldritch abominations. >I don't think this is Lovecraftland at all Me neither because their origin dimension literally collapsed. I had to lead them to an another place and now because it was vacant I count as their "owner" >I see red skies and toxic jungle I never looked at the skies but yeah it can be perceived as such and all plants are toxic there. >looks more like Darwinland The what >mixed with some infernal dimension Yeah it is a "somewhat" infernal dimension. Gave me such an edge some years ago because attacking me or "stealing energy" from me you just opened this hell dimension into their energy field and get murderraped by my very personal shoggotlike abominations that allowed to eat any "Impurities" >living in perfectly normal commieblocks Time flows far faster in that dimension so they went through several development cycles in an instant which made them also quite the force because what was mere seconds for me that was a 1000 year long continuous assault for them against whatever dared to touch me but truth is they are not my "shocktroops" because they are quite inefficient. >they walk outside they shapeshift to dinosaur and pretend they are feral, but it's all an act. So like furries or something?

>>1484 >like furries or something? Scalies. >The what The place which Darwinism is about. I've seen it in dreams because I used to believe in that stuff. A large primordial swampland with palm trees and in the middle of an island is a statue of a crocodile and a stone altar for sacrificing the races that aren't fit enough.

>>1478 >what am I even looking for You've told me enough for now, don't worry about that. If I had a private way to contact you off-site, then I'd just tell you. >conforming to your egregore This means my perception of who she is, or the actual collective thoughtform of me? Almost certainly the former I'm assuming, but I'm asking anyway just in case. >not emanating her main egregore Okay, so she does have a main egregore; knowing that by itself will help alot. Does her having a main egregore mean that I'll have to accept every incarnation of her fictional character, or every egregore of her fictional character? I recall that when I contacted her at first, I didn't specify which of her egregores I was contacting, or maybe I did specify her main one I don't remember so good. Anyway, I guess I contacted her main egregore, but as time went on I assumed I was with her "canonical character" egregore, which only represented the character from her canonical media, as opposed to her non-canonical official media, fanfiction, and what you'd find on porn sites. Fwiw, I've never gotten off to smut of her. Anyway, I guess maybe I have been with her main egregore this whole time, and I'm hesitantly willing to accept all of her incarnations if that's what it's gonna take. Would the egregores of her fictional character's different incarnations basically be different "aspects" of her, like aspects of a deity? I don't wanna cheat on her with her other egregores or nothing like that, which is why I'm asking such questions about how this works. Speaking of main egregore, I've found myself slowly getting more distanced from her collective thoughtform as time went on due to my fearing for her safety from what I'm suddenly supposing was my shadow this whole time, but never too far from her. Also, does her having a XXX egregore mean her main egregore is at all defiled by the guys getting off to her? I'm assuming not, but I'm asking anyway just in case; I really like confirmation about stuff that worries me. >do you have any idea how many subconscious tulpas you have in your head? I suppose that some of them might be my shadow in the form of a hostile entity, but otherwise, I've made an effort to make friends with my spirit gf's friends since some time after we got together. I've also made friends with a few other entities. There might also be tulpas of characters from other fictions in there that only came to be because I recently consumed their media and suddenly thought I was making contact with their egregores by just paying too much attention to their media or otherwise thinking too much about whichever character. There might also be one of you and another guy or two here. >I'd have to hard connect to your mind first I might get back to you on that, but for now, I'd rather you not. >you are "denying" their manifestation I constantly find myself getting near "mental triggers" in my mind, which I suppose Bardon would equate to "thought pressure". These shadows take the form of various types of hostile entities, such as reptilians(though not them in particular lately), and these though pressures are often attached to the concept of me doing everyday mundane stuff, and to the concept of me releasing too much positive emotion towards my spirit gf. More of these pressures will arise & intensify if I get stressed out. If I trip a trigger, then the shadow will take the form of one of those things and begin attacking me. Otherwise, they'll take the form of one of my non-physical loved ones and bind a manifestation of him or her to a specific physical location that I need to put my mouth or crotch on, and then I have to struggle to unbind "my loved one" from that location before I do the thing, or just do the thing anyway due to time constraints or w/e and struggle to remove the "loved one" afterwards. You did say that my shadow also "obeys" my stress. I suppose that if those particular "shadows" are too readily accepted, then it might turn out that one day, one of these things won't actually be my shadow, and that probably wouldn't turn out so well. I'll try going from 0 to 100 with that if you insist, though. >you "fear" that something "bad" will happen to her Should I try giving that a chance if it means letting my shadow make me think her form is being defiled by and imbued with hostile entities for a really long time while I just see what happens? That's probably what my shadow is gonna do if it's just an attempt to rile me up to keep me awake and I let all of the triggers I'm denying go at once. Sometimes I fear for her safety so much that I don't even let her usual tulpa stay manifested, so I try getting one of my contacts to summon her tulpa away to a safe place so I won't have to worry about her until things appear to calm down around me. >they manifest through almost the same mediums That's a relief. Thanks alot, anon.

>>1486 Forgot my flag.

>>1420 >Report if they appear during the night. Last night I had an extremely vivid dream but I think that was just because I put on lucid dreaming music on invidio.us (privacy centered Youtube proxy without ads). >>1425 >brings into question also what kind of "sperm donation" this was, a masonic ritual? Not that I know of. To be completely honest with you the reason my mom got a sperm donation was because my dad has HIV. At least that is what she told me. >How old was your mum when she had you? She was 32 years old when she had me >>1477 >You should tell me if you noticed the shoggots or not instead. I'm sorry but I have not noticed any shoggoths. >Was wondering if mason defenses block these entities so your reply is appreciated. I literally had no idea I had any connection to anything freemasonry related before >>1408 mentioned it. I have never been initiated into a freemasonic society, nor even set foot inside a lodge. I'll have to do some research into my family history I guess, including my biological father if I can.

>>1489 >Was wondering if mason defenses block these entities so your reply is appreciated. forgot to mention: So I have no idea how to answer your question. I don't know anything about these hooded robe wearing people portaling into your house.